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Nutty B

By Nutty B

Nutty B is currently a graduate student at MIT, and this is his first attempt ever at (faking) an advice column. Please e-mail him with whatever question you would like someone to hear out, and help him have an excuse to procrastinate at 3:00 a.m. Please send all questions to askNuttyB@yahoo.com.

Dear Nutty B,

How on earth does a graduate student like you find time to write for The Tech? Shouldn’t you be working 24-7 in your lab writing codes for a simulation project or doing some sort of lithography? What inspired you to take up this job?

--Deeply Concerned

Dear Deeply Concerned,

Honestly, I have no idea why I am writing this column. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I accidentally stole a doughnut meant to be given to the homeless a while back and felt I had to help others to redeem myself for my sin.

Or perhaps it’s because I have been trash-talking everyday to my friends, and one day I thought why not trash-talk to a larger group of audience?

As for the work in my lab, thank you very much for your concern.

However, that’s where the UROP’s come in. Whenever you need someone to mop the floor or pour you a cup of coffee, that’s when you yelled “Hey, Kids....” Trust me, they do wonders!

To be serious -- although I rarely am -- I do have a busy schedule, but hearing people whine and complain is definitely more fun than writing a paper. I guess that’s why I am here!

Dear Nutty B,

I am a freshman from Texas. I’ve heard of the horrible and icy cold winter of Boston. Do I need to buy ski jackets, suitcases of blankets, and a heater for the winter?

--Cowboy

Dear Cowboy,

I may not be the best person to answer this question. You see, I come from the Great White North where people see nothing but white all year round. Being so used to living in the igloos, when they first turned on the heater at my dorm last year, I was afraid that the building would melt.

I think the best solution to your concern would be to catch a bus around October to Newfoundland. I bet a weekend there will make you feel Boston’s weather is nothing to worry about, and it will make you “stronger than yesterday.”

As such, you should forget about the blankets and heater. But don’t throw away the ski gear just yet. I encourage you to buy it and cross-country ski to school on winter mornings (well, perhaps put some automatic hydraulic system on it after you learn how to from your classes).

I guarantee you that not only would you be fulfilling your duty as a nerd but also would you be catching attention from the chicks. Remember, you will have to fit in! Welcome to MIT, the only world you will ever know once you’re here!