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Positive Sinking Big Racks

By Akshay Patil

features Editor

Hey man, I’ve been meaning to write you for a while. Here is an idea for a column, since you are always looking for a new one: Orange fences and other MIT beauty highlights... you should write about how MIT always looks like shit. Peace,

-- Brett

Well now, let’s be honest... while the majority of MIT’s campus wouldn’t do so well on hotornot.com or a reality television show, there are bits and pieces that really are rather nice. Killian court looks pretty, on occasion, when it’s not dead. This usually occurs around Campus Preview Weekend (when there are pre-frosh on campus) or during the summer (when most people aren’t on campus).

It may just be you’re experiencing the light-in-the-fridge phenomenon of the Warner Brothers frog only singing when no one else is around. Maybe you should try opening the fridge really quickly and you might get a glimpse of a good lookin’ campus... if you know what I mean (which would be good, because I don’t).

Of course there are parts of campus that stay nice year round. I still remember a story a friend once told me about how, when he joined I/S, they showed him Athena. You know, a room full of computers which host a large part of the Athena file system, but not really all of it, since they worry about redundancy and stuff, but a big enough chunk that you can still say, “I saw Athena” and still feel like you’re not lying.

Anyways, he told me “it was hot.” Now, he may have been referring to the temperature of the room, but I like to think he was alluding to the fact that rooms with big racks of computers really turn him on. You know, big... racks of computers. It’s a course six wet dream. At least, it’s my wet dreams... I mean, it’s not my only wet dream... I have other ones too you know, which don’t involve big computer racks... alright, moving on.

You should investigate that huge bubble thingy in building 8. Who made it? Why? How? Why’s it always look non-functioning? What is its function? Et cetera. Just a suggestion.

-- not ass

You mean that big thingy in building 6? Outside of 6-120? I have no idea what that is. As far as I can tell it just makes bubbles. I don’t think it’s really supposed to do anything besides that, so I’m guessing it’s usually in working order. Trust MIT to build a huge contraption to mimic a four year old with soapy water. There’s probably some sort of amazing complexity arising from the underlying simplicity of the boundary interactions of molecules on a sub-nuclear level which offers insight into the grand problem of “where does my sock go when I do my laundry?” which has resulted in three Nobel prizes and a partial proof to the Goldbach Conjecture.

So as you can tell, I have utterly failed to investigate, research, or do anything of that elk. I mean ilk. I did Google search it, if that counts for anything... so if there’s a proper Web site about the bubble thingy in building six it must be under the search engine radar. Or it could have some sort of anti-radar coating like those stealth-bombers. That’d be kind of cool. Wouldn’t do much good for your page rank though...

I’m sure there’s a little placard or something like that next to it which explains everything in due process, but I’ll be damned if I bother to actually read it or something. Seriously, what do they expect from us? We have more important things to do... like, uhm, writing stuff... about big racks of computers. Yeah.

Did you know that “gullible” isn’t a real word? Seriously, you should look it up in the dictionary, then send e-mail to sinking@mit.edu about your defining experience.