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Off-Season Fun: Players Tested For Dope, ‘The Jerk’ Says Nope

By Yong-Yi Zhu

COLUMNIST

Even in the off season, baseball doesn’t stop its wonderful streak of issues. This week, there were a couple of big decisions made, and neither one of them involved a trade. Yeah, chalk it up to baseball for giving the totally unexpected.

Steroids in baseball

This past week saw the results from a steroids testing of 1,438 anonymous players.

Ken Caminiti had said that over half of the players use them.

Jose Canseco had said that 85 percent use steroids.

The tests only indicated that the percentage of players using steroids ranges from five to seven. This seems to be good news on the surface, since it would appear that very few people actually take part in this illegal activity, not to mention something that destroys their body.

However, if you take a deeper look, this test actually means nothing.

The players were all told that there would be no consequences of a positive test. And since the tests are anonymous, what do they care if they get tested. This doesn’t help to discourage the behavior; it merely makes it more visible to the public. The players are not driven by their public image, just their paychecks.

Secondly, the players were all told when the testing would take place. This means that the players who do care about their image could simply stop their cycles for the testing and pick it back up after the tests are conducted. This may account for why the numbers from the tests were so low.

Not only that, but the testing methods were crude. There is no way to detect all the performance enhancing drugs that are out there. In fact, nobody knows who is taking what or even what is there that is available.

All in all, this doesn’t tell anything about the real percentage of steroid users in the major leagues. All we know is that it must be higher than the five to seven percent that they found.

Well, at least we’re moving in the right direction. Or are we?

Bonds, Barry “The Jerk” Bonds

Barry Bonds has done it one more time, he’s distinguished himself once again as a total jerk.

Let me start by giving a little bit of background of Bonds. Sure, he’s a future hall-of-famer with 73 home runs in a season and one of the best at hitting the ball long today. However, his human interactions have not always been so successful.

This All-Star game, Bonds was asked to participate in the home run derby.

Instead of simply saying no and perhaps making up a much more media friendly excuse, he came out and said that he didn’t want to go and that he didn’t have to do it.

Well, how childish can someone sound?

Not that I was a fan of Bonds to begin with, but my support for him would have disappeared in an instant just from that. Okay, not convinced? Here’s something else that might enlighten you as to how great of a person Barry Bonds is.

Several years ago, during his record breaking year, Bonds was playing a game against the Mets. Al Leiter was pitching and had picked up a bat broken by Barry.

Leiter, recognizing how great of player Bonds is on the field, wanted to get the broken bat autographed. He went up to Barry asking for an autograph during batting practice. Leiter simply wanted to give it to his kid for a present.

Bonds wouldn’t even acknowledge Leiter, and simply continued his batting practice. Come on dude, are you that important that you can stop for a second to sign something for a coworker’s kid?

Well, that brings me to the thing that Bonds did this week: He refused to sign the licensing agreement with MLB Players Association. This means that Bonds will be individually licensed, and he will be the first major league baseball player to do so.

What does that mean to the average person?

It means that we will no longer be able to buy Bonds’ jerseys, since MLB will not be able to make them.

It means that his trading cards will no longer be made, since the card companies will not have the license to make them.

It also means that a bunch of fans will be disappointed since they won’t be able to collect memorabilia from their favorite player. Well, my only suggestion to those fans is that perhaps it’s time to get a different idol.

The only way to get Bonds merchandise now is through private companies making private deals with Bonds, which essentially means that the price for his stuff will be much higher.

Look Barry, maybe you’re a good player, but it’s time you gave other people some respect.