Sex and the Saferide
The “Do”s and “Don’t”s of Dorm Sex
By Alexia Summers
This is dedicated to those inexperienced freshmen residing in the MIT dorms. Contrary to popular belief, MIT students do get some. And as college students, there are some basic guidelines one should follow in order to maintain a “friendly” and “safe” dorm environment:
Do establish a system with your roommate.
This is an important must for college life. Hang a tie on your door or put a code word on the whiteboard to let your roommate know that you’re “busy” and he shouldn’t come in. This will save both you, your “friend,” and your roommate from a particularly awkward situation.
Don’t have sex in your room if your roommate is sleeping, studying, or in the room at all.
Just because your roommate can’t see it doesn’t mean he or she won’t notice. Keep in mind, there really is no such thing as silent sex.
Do take advantage of all dorm facilities.
Hey, it’s college. It’s a time for exploration, especially of the sexual kind.
Don’t get caught in the act.
If both of you are going to take a quick shower, don’t open the door until the coast is clear. I don’t want to know who’s in there.
Do close your door when initiating intimate activities.
Keep your private life private. Open doors not only allow passerbys a chance to gawk but also create witnesses. Who knows, you might regret it later?
Don’t entertain the entire dorm with your carnal opera.
Some of us have to live next to you and focus on things a little less exciting, like problem sets for example. Although we’re happy you’re having a pleasurable time, it’s just not giving us that same feeling. Try setting the mood with some romantic music to drown out some of the noise. Your neighbors will thank you later.
Do tidy up afterwards.
Condoms are only used once, and they should only be seen once. Not only is it disgusting to see someone’s used sex artifacts, but it’s also unsanitary.
Don’t answer your door wrapped in a blanket or half-naked.
At least pretend you’re not in the middle of... something. Take an extra 35 seconds to throw on shorts and a t-shirt. The person on the other end will appreciate it.
Do use your own bed.
If this isn’t obvious to you, you should probably just stop reading. Respecting personal property is a must if you want to have any sort of amicable relationship with your roommate.
Don’t take all the emergency condoms for yourself.
If you’re having sex on a regular basis, don’t be cheap. Buy your own condoms. Just think, some poor MIT student might have the opportunity to have sex for the first time, but low and behold, there are no condoms left. Therefore, the poor virgin remains.
Do invite your partner to visit.
It’s ok to sexile your roommate every once in a while. Just be sure to return the favor.
Don’t allow your partner to sleep over every night if you have a roommate.
Although it can be pretty tempting, you must resist. Your roommate won’t appreciate you bringing another person into an already overcrowded space. Sorry, you should have gotten a single.
Do close the blinds on your windows.
Oops, did you forget that people could see in your window? Yes, people often look into windows, especially those that are across from their own. And remember, not everyone wants a show.
Do take the Walk of Shame with pride.
It’s the morning after, you’re walking back to your dorm, and your only choice of clothing is your party clothes from last night. Chances are someone will notice. Try to leave as early as possible. Remember, it’s MIT, no one gets up before 11 a.m. And if someone stares at you, think to yourself, what were you doing last night?