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Let's Argue Returns from West Coast Assignment

By Mike Duffy
and Andrew Heitner

Sports Columnists

Your humble scribes were on assignment last weekend in the Bay City covering the Cal-Washington football game. The Tech bought first class non-refundable plane tickets and made reservations for us at the Sheraton Grand Hotel on First and Market way back in August when the Giants seemed to have a lock on the playoffs. With the onslaught of Atlanta and the performance of Mike "Pepperoni" Piazza, however, San Francisco did not make the playoffs. Since The Tech could not get rid of the tickets on the APO Ride Wall, we were forced to tailgate with those pig-walking wahoos out in Tofu-land. Instead of the smell of charcoal and hickory smoke, the tailgaters out here smoke their meat with potpourri.

We spent the first leg of the journey hobnobbing over champagne and caviar with former welterweight and middleweight champion and 7-Up peddler, Sugar Ray Leonard. The Champ had been in New York to attend the infamous Friars' Club banquet, but switched his flight so that he could have the opportunity to address the MIT community. Although his detached retina made it difficult for him to see us, The Champ did say, "I like Bowe over Holyfield by decision. By the way, I always go with The Picks".

On Saturday, the crowd at Memorial Stadium on the Berkeley campus was very subdued, but this was understandable considering that the entire student body was eagerly anticipating the celebration of Indigenous People's Day on Monday. Your humble scribes and our journalist colleagues on the Left Coast were whisked to our front row seats directly behind the Washington bench. There, we were immediately recognized as celebrities by the ABC cameraman, who put our mugs on national TV. Although our chiseled bare chests had "Go Cal" written on them, we tried to incite the crowd with chants of "M-I-T" and "U-S-A".

In the game, Cal saw its slim Rose Bowl hopes expelled faster than the Naked Guy. Though the Bears dominated most of the game, the Huskies scored two touchdowns, sandwiching a recovered on-sides kick, to erase a 13-point deficit and win by one. In disgust, many of the Cal fans intentionally littered the stadium with their empty yogurt cups and avocado pits.

Many scribes around the country are bemoaning the fortunes of the Fish and the Speagles because the teams have lost their star quarterbacks, Dan Marino and Randall Cunningham. Their replacements, Scott Mitchell and Bubby "Two b's, one y" Brister, should not take full responsibility for the losses that are to follow, however (except Bubby, who usually deserves any criticism he gets). Of almost equal importance to Miami and Philly are the losses of leftback John Offerdahl (shoulder) and wide receiver Fred Barnett (knee). Offerdahl is a big part of the Fish defense, while Bubby will need speedsters like Barnett, Philly's leading receiver, to keep the defenses honest.

To those of you out there still undecided about a major, forget about engineering and the sciences and concentrate on basketball. Anfernee "Craps" Hardaway has not yet played a single game of pro basketball, yet the Orlando Magic just signed him to a 9-year contract worth $65 million right out of school. Of course the Magic are counting on Penny to be the perfect point guard compliment to Shaquille O'Neal, much the way Magic Johnson was for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar when the Lakers drafted him in 1979. Hardaway may very well be worth that kind of money, as he was generally unable to showcase all of his skills at Memphis State since his teammates were so far inferior to him. Don't you think the people who work at the career office would hyperventilate if a student reported getting a job offer worth over $75,000 per month?

Finally, it was nice to see the sportsmanship and camaraderie exhibited out there in Chicago, appropriately nicknamed the Windy City. Although Bo is the most gifted athlete on the planet (the way he came back from the hip injury is amazing) and makes cool commercials, he is by no means a diplomat. After the Chisox dropped their first two games, Bo attributed the losses to Chicago playing a man short -- because of the fact that Dan Pasqua was playing while Bo was riding the pine. Granted, Pasqua went 0-6 in those two games, but airing your dirty laundry through the Chicago press is by no means a way to express your displeasure, especially during the playoffs. Given his chance to shine, Bo proceeded to do four better than Dan, as he went 0-10. Now that Chicago is out of the playoffs and Bo was just as feeble as Pasqua, Jackson says his comments about Dan were not true and that he was misquoted. Yeah, sure, but Let's Argue is wondering if you are still on Dan's Christmas card list.

Menudo's Top 5

1. FSU

3. Alabama

4. Notre Dame

5. Florida

With their demolition of Miami in Saturday's "Game of the Century", the Seminoles are very close to snatching up Menudo's top 3 rankings. Only Florida (versus 6-0 Auburn) and Alabama (versus 5-1 Tennessee) should be tested this week.

Let's Argue Fan Top 5

This week's listing comes from the tag-team duo of Sue Virgilio (nee Scruggs) '93 and Gwen Watanabe '93, both residing in the City by the Bay.

1. Stanford

2. Cal

3. KU

4. Missouri

5. U of Hawaii

Globe Gem of the Week

The crack staff at the Olde Towne Rag are in the midst of a month-long slump, so they yield this week's Gem award to Cynthia "Hack" Wilson and Ben "Buster" Brown, two typists from USA Today. The two reported that the owners of Mickey Mantle's restaurant in New York watched as Muhammad Ali entered their kitchen, and "started to move his feet in moonwalk-like fashion. Then he levitated himself off the ground about 10 inches for a few moments." Hack and Buster must not be regulars to the sports section, but rather are most likely the reporters who cover the Network Circus of the Stars program for the self-proclaimed nation's newspaper.

Where Are They Now?

Former MIT Standouts. Alejandro Medina '92, Vic Antaramian '92, Wayne Orlin '90, Michael Bowers '92, John Sell '91, Jeff Berg '89, Danny Alvarez '93, Juan Ramos '93, Ken Chay '91, Godard Abel '93, Lauri Aultman '90, and Alex "Prof. Amazing" Virgilio '92.

Michael Jordan is appealing to the NCAA to reinstate his last year of college eligibility so that he can play for MIT this season.

Mondongo's Hueso de la Semana

To Carwell Gardner of the Buffalo Bills for making a touchdown-saving tackle on his own teammate, Thurman Thomas, in the Bills' Monday night romp over the Oilers. His bonehead play narrowly edges out the shoddy play by the right side of the White Sox infield, specifically Joey Cora and Dan Pasqua, to win this week's award.

Trivia Question of the Week

Since divisional play began in 1969, what team has won the most number of divisional titles? (Hint: The same team has also won the most AL pennants since 1969, with six). Send all answers, comments, and questions too difficult for even Nightline to answer to sports@the-tech.mit.edu.

Answer to last week's question: two-time trivia question answer Tony Dorsett. Kudos to Ken Chay '91 and Ryota Matsuura '97 who were the first to provide the correct answer. They both win the right to appear in the booth with your humble scribes when we broadcast the MIT Homecoming football game Oct. 23 on WMBR, 88.1 on your FM dial.

MIT TWIB Notes

Good luck to the men's water polo team this weekend as they participate in the New England Regional at UMass. Javier Nazario '95 leads the offensive juggernaut known as MIT into battle.

Coach Taylor's men's cross country team, currently fifth in New England, has the week off in order to rest those legs for next week's Eastern College Athletic Conference championships.

The women's field hockey team (1-2 conference, 5-3 overall) is at Wheaton Saturday, facing off at 11 a.m. Good Luck to the Lady Beavers!

After falling to second ranked Westfield State last weekend, the football team slid to the Number 16 ranking in New England.

The men's soccer team (0-3, 4-3) looks to turn things around this weekend as they host Western New England College on the turf beginning at 11 a.m.

The women's soccer team continues to impress. Led by Dionne "Prime Time" Chapman '94, the Lady Beavers (2-1-1, 8-1-1) face Simmons at home on Tuesday beginning at 4 p.m.

The women's tennis team (3-1, 7-3) ranks ninth in new England. They are at home this weekend entertaining Wheaton. You can catch the action over by The Bubble starting at 1 p.m.

VIX Picks

MIT 10, Curry "Chicken" College 0: Beavers so happy that the Lecture Series Committee real/toy gun controversy has subsided, they shut out the archrival Zippos.

Houston 27, Patsies 9: Secules ineffective, as he threw out his arm trying to hit the 1-point target at the Sports Illustrated Sports Festival "Quarterback Challenge" here on campus yesterday.

Chiefs 18, Lightningbolts 15: War of field goals brings yawns to fans at Jack Murphy but victory for Lowry over Carney.

Saints 23, Steelers 7: New Orleans players psyched up all week with knowledge that gambling will soon be coming to the Crescent City.

Browns 17, Pussycats 6: Quarterback controversy in Cleveland so complex, Belicheck considers bringing in Art Schlicter to start.

Doves 21, Lions 13: By scoring more than 10 points in this game, Rick Mirer lands another $200,000, as Seattle wins fourth in a row.

Boys 35, Niners 27: Niners players just happy that humble scribes were unable to attend one of their games during our jaunt to San Francisco.

Skins 33, Bishops 23: Bishop players bop in late to Sun Devil Stadium, as they are inspired to get a second job after watching the Beavis and Butthead "Sperm Bank" episode.

Raiders 20, Broncos 11: Art Shell not amused that Ted Danson called into Mile High to get crowd "warmed up" with a few jokes.

Last Week 6-2. Season to date: 28-13.