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Politically correct MIT course catalog

I have had an epiphany. "Look," I say, "Look at the poor, unwashed, politically un-correct masses out there. Something must be done!" And so, without further ado, I too am going to (somewhat belatedly) jump on the PC bandwagon. For those of you who still are not initiated, the "PC bandwagon" is no vague technical description for IBM-clones . . . PC, of course, means "politically correct" and it is, in short, an awe-inspiring movement. It really is!

My life has been changed; the new Jason Merkoski sees things that just have to be said. Perhaps, owing to the nature of this column, I should have published this in one of the radical scab-sheets floating around campus, but by God, you must be made aware of my revelations, and how they apply to life at MIT. Herewith, a Politically Correct Course Catalog:

1/3 Women's Studies -- This program already exists, and I sincerely laud the creators of this decidedly PC area of study. Really . . . women are beautiful creatures, and people should be made aware of that! Shake free the yoke of male imperialism! Unfetter the iron shackles of a misogynist society! Yeah, yeah! Rah, rah! MIT needs more such courses, though.

1/3 Great Women Writers -- A variant of this course does exist. Its name, of course, must be changed from Women to Womyn, but that's only a sticky point. It is the idea behind this wholly revolutionary movement that is of such great consequence. This class would teach you that women actually do know how to write. (Note: This class is not lesbianism propaganda in disguise!) As prime examples of great womyn writers, I suggest Harriet Beecher Stowe, Emily Dickenson and Edith Wharton.

1/3 Really Awful Womyn Writers -- Well, this makes sense in a PC universe. If there are so many great womyn writers, then it stands to reason that there are a great number of bad ones. My God, those uninspired writers are people too! They deserve recognition, and besides . . . you would-be writers out there in Reader-Land could learn a great deal by studying the works of these authors. I would suggest as prime examples Harriet Beecher Stowe, Emily Dickenson and Edith Wharton.

1/3 Bad Scientists -- It really is a shame that people idolize scientists like Einstein, Newton and Darwin. What have they done that's so important, huh? What about that unsung majority of bad or mediocre scientists out there . . . those chemists or mathematicians who are constantly depressed, who see the Nobel Prize fluttering away from their outstretched arms. Those scientists who study things that, when you get right down to it, nobody really cares about. Scientists with unhappy children, broken marriages, and who resort to alcohol abuse. The myriad scientists who have died over the years, not even meriting the briefest line in an encyclopedia or dictionary? What about these poor, poor souls? If we do not remember them, who would?

(On a side note, I recommend also that the word "scientist" be changed when it is used to label a woman. Consider the following obvious train of logic: "Scientist" is partially derived from the Latin "scire" which means to know. Socrates said "Know thyself," and as you can guess, Socrates was a . . . MAN! Augh! I find such male-dominated descriptions anathema, so I suggest that women call themselves "scyntists." And as a prime example of a fine scyntist, consider . . . well . . . uh . . . you know. There's got to be a few out there . . . .)

1/3 Creationism, Lamarckism and Other Failed Theories -- 'Nuff said.

1/3 Nihilism -- Plainly put, this utterly PC philosophy says "We're all going to die anyway!" At one point or another, each of us finds some degree of solace with nihilism. Take as a case study Dr. Seuss (also known as Theodor Geisel). Yes, he's dead. He has been acting this way for a couple of weeks.

Oh well . . .

Popple-poose

Piffle-piff

Dr. Seuss is a stiff!

No more sickness, no more germs!

It's party time -- for the worms.

There's no reason for you to get all bent out of shape. No, please don't say "Awwwww!" If you do that, then this PC columnist, the new 'n' improved Jason Merkoski, will have to say this: "Who cares?"

who

Tech columnist Jason Merkoski '94 is very, very glad that most scyntists have senses of humor!