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Ask Nutty BNutty B is Back

By Bruce Wu

After two long years of hiding, Nutty B is back to reclaim his throne as THE nutty advice columnist at The Tech! For those you confused, Nutty B is currently a graduate student at MIT who tries to put in his two cents’ worth answering questions regarding anything and everything. You know the drill! Please e-mail him with any questions, and give him an excuse to procrastinate at 3 a.m. Send all questions to askNuttyB@yahoo.com.

Dear Nutty B,

Where on earth have you been? You can’t just leave us fans like that! Are you ever coming back?

— Right Here Waiting for You
(received March, 2005)

Dear Right Here Waiting for You,

Yes, I am coming back, in fact, here I am. Voil ! Aqu estoy! Wuo- Huey-Lai-Lah! Ta-ta-yi-ma! Um … that pretty much covers all the languages I know (or pretend to know). My sincere apologies to the other-language speakers, but I assure you, I am still working on my language skills.

Where have I been? Well, after my failure to find Hogwarts and turn myself into a wizard, then to convince an Elf princess to give up her immortal soul to me, and finally to find and beat the sense out of Ennis (I couldn’t even find the Mountain, let alone Ennis), I figured my last hope would be to turn back and strive for world peace. So after stuffing myself with tons of self-help books (to deal with my own nuttiness), I’ve decided that it’s time to come back.

I am not sure if you are still here or have graduated, dear RHWfY, since I used to get letters from both undergrads and grads, but I can assure you and all readers that the columns will be quite the same. Heck, as far as I know, I haven’t been told I was any less nutty. Let’s have another semester of fun together here!

Dear Nutty B,

How on earth does a graduate student like you find time to write for The Tech? Shouldn’t you be working 24/7 in your lab writing codes for a simulation project or doing some sort of lithography? What inspired you to take up this job?

— Deeply Concerned

Dear Deeply Concerned,

Honestly, I have no idea why I’m writing this column. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I accidentally stole a donut meant to be given to the homeless a while back, and now feel I have to help others to redeem myself. Or perhaps it’s because I’ve been trash-talking every day to my friends, and one day I thought, Why not trash-talk with a larger group as audience?

As for the work in my lab, thank you very much for your concern. However, that’s where the UROPers come in. Whenever you need someone to mop the floor or pour you a cup of coffee, that’s when you yell “Hey, kids …” Trust me, they do wonders! To be serious, I do have a busy schedule, but hearing people whining and complaining is definitely more fun than writing a paper. I guess that’s why I am here!