Ask Nutty B!
By Bruce Wu
Nutty B is currently a graduate student at MIT who tries to give his two cents’ worth on anything and everything. You know the drill! Please e-mail him with any questions, and give him an excuse to procrastinate at 3 a.m. Send all questions to askNuttyB@yahoo.com.
Dear Nutty B,
I’ve never tried to send questions for advice like this before, but since you seem to know what you’re talking about, I’ll give it a try. My husband of one year is driving me insane, to the point that I am considering getting a divorce. We were together for five years before getting married, and after the honeymoon things started to go south. He wants me to move to Utah with him (he is from there, but I am from New York City) and have kids, but I am still in the middle of grad school and there is no way I am just going to leave all this to be a housewife there. What do I do? Is getting a divorce the right choice?
—Determined to Finish
Dear Determined to Finish,
After reading your question I wish I could smack you, even though you appear to be a lady. Number one: Me? Know what I am talking about? Who do you think I am, Dear Abby? Number two: did you consider walking down that aisle with a pretty white dress and saying all those vows merely an “exercise”?
No, I don’t think you should just go to Utah and be a housewife because your husband says so, though a change of scenery from the Big Apple might not be so bad. However, during the five years you two were together what exactly did you talk about? Did the fact that you were still in grad school and want to finish ever come up? Did his wish to go to Utah a year after getting married never get mentioned?
Granted, I am not married, but this much I know: marriage is not a fairy tale, it’s something you actually have to work at to make it work! You can’t start thinking about a divorce at the first sign of conflict! (Unless, I suppose, you want to live your life Hollywood-style.) Have you talked to your husband about your desire to stay? Have you tried talking to a counselor? If you haven’t tried both, considering divorce makes no sense to me.
However, although I am old-fashioned and believe that a working marriage requires significant effort, I don’t support your continuing to try at the expense of happiness and well-being. I just think it is reasonable to try communicating with each other to see if a compromise can be reached, rather than going straight for a breakup. If you do the latter, when and if you have a kid and he doesn’t like the summer camp you chose for him, are you going to try to stuff him back into your womb and ask for a refund?
Dear Nutty B,
I hate this time of the year, when MIT does CPW. Every time I look at those kids with parents wandering around looking all eager-eyed, I get annoyed because I feel old. Do you have an aging or (aging-feeling) antidote?
—Olay Does Not Work
Dear Olay Does Not Work,
I take it you are an undergrad? It took me a full ten minutes to figure out what you were talking about regarding CPW, or Campus Preview Weekend. If you feel old, my child, what does that make me? Ancient? Also, if I knew any aging antidote, why would I still be a poor grad student here instead of relaxing in my Malibu mansion? The only thing I can think of (or that I keep telling myself) that works is red wine. The antioxidants have been proven to slow down aging, and, well, the ethanol definitely slows down any feeling of being old. Heck, it’s been slowing down my depressed thoughts.
At any rate, quit whining and go up to those innocent na ve prefrosh and either do them a favor by telling them to run for their lives before it’s too late, or show them yourself as example of what they will become in a few years.