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Ask Nutty B

By Nutty B
COLUMNIST

Nutty B is currently a graduate student at MIT. Please e-mail him with whatever question you would like someone to listen to, and help him have an excuse to procrastinate at 3 a.m. Please send all questions to askNuttyB@yahoo.com

Dear Nutty B,

I am a new reader of your column. You seem like someone that knows what he is talking about, so I am going to give this a shot. There is this girl in one of my classes that I really like, and I think she likes me, too.

The problem is that I am shy, and she is shy, too. So far the only conversations we have had are “Hi, how are you?” and “What’s up?” I am frustrated that every time I go to class, I can do nothing but look at her. What do I do?

-- Teddy Bear

Dear Teddy Bear,

Me? Someone who knows what he is talking about? Are you sure you didn’t mean to send your question to Dear Abby? This is probably the nicest and most unrealistic compliment I have received, but thank you just the same! By the way, welcome to the Nutty B fan club.

“What’s up?” Nothing but the sky is up! Is that the best pickup line you can come up with? I am sure most ladies, at least those who work for Pimp Master Nutty B, are sophisticated enough to detest this kind of lame pickup line. If you know you like her, and you know she likes you (although I am not sure how your previous dialogues can discern this), why don’t you go up to her and start some REAL conversations?

Ask her how she likes the class, the homework, the weather, the cat... whatever.

Anything is better than “What’s up?” How about asking her if she would like to study together or work on the class project?

Start with a simple and casual conversation and be genuine. I am sure everything will go smoothly. Good luck!

Dear friend,

My name is Mrs. Johnahenitti and I am the wife of my late husband Mr. Johnahenitti, the exiled king of Zimbaya. Zimbaya is country on the east of Africa. I am writing you with the utmost sincerity for a potential business partnership. My late husband, before he passed away, managed to transfer $50 billion dollars out of the country and now the whole sum is at my and my only daughter’s disposal.

Because of the political circumstance, I would like to use your bank account to deposit the money and then later to go back and hopefully rebuild my lost country when the political climate is stable. In order to thank you, I will let you keep $2 billion dollars.

Please consider this proposal and I look for your reply. Yours truly,

-- Mrs. Jognahenitti, the formal queen of Zimbaya

Dear Mrs. Jognahenitti,

I am truly flattered that despite my yahoo e-mail spam guard, you can still manage to send junk e-mail to my inbox. Were you also the one who was so kind as to subscribe me to the daily porn newsletter?

Thank you for your thorough introduction, but here in North America, we generally know you are the wife, when you address someone as your husband.

I will be more than willing to help you. However, I have a solution that’s even better than yours. How about if you just give me all the money and let me marry your daughter? You see, I am the Prince of Canada, and by our marriage, we will be able to secure the quality of the royal lineage.

Also, when I become a member of your family, you won’t have to worry about giving some outsider $2 billion dollars because I, as your son-in-law, can help you manage all the money. I will send you my Swiss Bank account number in private.

By the way, just a few days I ago, I got an e-mail apparently from your relative Mr. Jones, another exiled King in Africa who wanted to give me $100 billion dollars. Your offer of $2 billion is rather paltry in comparison. I not only agreed to help, but also signed him up for my daily porn newsletter so than he will be able to have some entertainment during his exile. Would you like me to subscribe you, too?

Dear Nutty B,

After reading your response of 11/21 to Depressed at MIT, we felt that we would respond to his/her question differently:

Dear Depressed at MIT,

Seeking outside help in this situation is an option that's worth thinking about seriously. Depression can be debilitating, and may not go away by itself no matter how hard you fight it. Talking to friends may help, but if they try to cheer you up too fast, it can also be very frustrating. Everyone deals with depression at their own pace; it can be good to talk to someone who understands this.

Deciding to get help can be the hardest thing -- it’s good that you wrote about what’s happening. It can feel like the depression isn’t related to anything in particular, but talking to someone who understands depression might help bring out specific causes.

Once you have a better idea of the causes and of your options, you can decide what you want to do.

Short-term and seasonal depressions are real, and talking to a therapist or counselor soon may be helpful in either case. It can help you understand and deal with your feelings of depression, and opens a door, which could be useful if these feelings, last or recur.

In short -- depression can be hard, but there’s help around. The two main sources of help are Mental Health (253-2916, 24-hour line, walk-in hours M-F 2 p.m. - 4 p.m.) and Counseling and Support Services (253-4861).

You can also call us (253-8800) from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. every night -- we’re not professionals, but we are caring student listeners who keep all conversations in the strictest confidence.

Thanks for writing.

-- Nightline Staffers

Dear Nightline Staffers,

Thank you very much for the input. Your e-mail came into my inbox five seconds before I was about to submit my column. I am glad that my column has caught campus-wide attention!

To all readers: Depression can by annoying and frustrating, but it’s not something you should be ashamed of. There are many different people willing to help and listen to you, and you are entitled to take advantage of all these services around you. As a matter of fact, I am thinking about talking to someone about my nuttiness, too!

Always try to keep a positive attitude and use the resources around you to make your life as enjoyable as you can. You are the owner of your life and you should enjoy it! It’s just up to you to make that happen!

Nutty B would like to thank all of you wonderful readers for your support and letters in the past few months. This will be last column of the season until IAP, but during the holidays, if you ever feel the need to talk to someone (i.e., indigestion from large Christmas dinner, ideas to get rid of your bad Christmas presents, proper way for counting down on New Year's Eve, or simply why Canadians are just better) please feel free to send him an e-mail and keep Nutty B busy. Finally, have a jolly and nutty Christmas. HoHoHo.