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Positive Sinking

A Bit Off

By Akshay Patil
COLUMNIST

Hey ak,

Perhaps you could sign up for reuse... just an idea.

Hey maybe you could turn positive sinking into an advice column. it'd be wonderful, it could be a mix of computer advice and love advice for those having affairs with their computers. I know some people who this would really apply to.

-- lacking hong

Yes, reuse@mit.edu would most certainly solve my “lack of e-mail” problem. Much like... uhm... damn. I’m sure I can come up with a zany analogy there, but my brain doesn’t seem to want to comply. Figures -- they always break a week after the warranty expires.

We could have Positive Sinking’s about old Sun Microsystems Sparc computer parts and unloved pieces of foam. That could work in an almost Seinfeld-like way:

George: Hey! So... uhm... how’d your date go last night?

Jerry: Great, great. And I almost lucked out too.

George: Lucked out? How?

Jerry: Well, as I was dropping her off, she invited me upstairs to see if I wanted some of her unused RAM.

George: Oh boy!

Jerry: I know! But when we got there, I realized it wasn’t 168-Pin DIMM... it was 184-Pin!

[laugh-track]

George: I don’t get it.

Kramer: [enters] Hey Jerry! [scratches head] You, uh, could I use your motherboard for a few hours?

Ahh, the computer jokes get old fast, don’t they?

You know, you’re not the first person to recommend that I turn this little gray box into an advice column. I mean, there seems to be a dearth of advice columns here at Das Tech and, according to a misguided few, I could really shed light into the woeful dilemmas of my MIT brethren.

What these people don’t realize is that the kind of proverbial light I would proverbially shine would be a proverbial black-light which wouldn’t really help people but would make their proverbial white articles of clothing glow. I don’t see how that would really help them.

But, hey, who am I to argue? If you’re seeking advice about relationships, computers, penguins, fashion, whatever, send sinking@mit.edu an e-mail and I’ll do my best to turn your problems into 700 words worth of amusement for the MIT community. And make fun of your spelling and grammar.

Don’t feel the need to limit yourself to computer related issues. I mean, just because a lot of my jokes only seem to make sense to course 6ers (“The Few, The Proud, the Geeks”), doesn’t mean I can’t be funny about other things. Here, listen to this joke I picked up just last week:

Q: What do you call a dumb European in a space shuttle?

A: A simple Pole in a complex plane!

Hahahahaha! That’s right... I went there.

So, yeah, I can be funny about EECS and Math. Uhm. I guess that’s about it. That’s kind of sad, actually. Moving on...

Why is Positive Sinking so negative? It should be called Negative Sinking.

-- earth D

TouchÉ. But that would be truth in advertisement, and we couldn’t have that. Would you read a column called Negative Sinking? That’d be like calling Bugs Bunny “Effram the Retarded Rabbit.” Is that the kind of message we went to send to the youth of Amer... MIT?

Think of the children.

If you’re in the Boston area and would like free tickets to a filming of an upcoming Positive Sinking send e-mail to sinking@mit.edu or write to us at:

P05171|/3 51N|<1N9

W71-434

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