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Sex and the SafeRide

Booty Calls

By Daniel Chai
COLUMNIST

“Why does he call me only when he wants sex?”

The answer is simple: you’ve become his booty call.

A booty call is someone that you use for sex. Booty call sex is straight forward; it’s no strings attached and purely physical. Some of you may be wondering, “Why would anyone want that?” The rest of you are wondering, “How can I get a piece of that?” However, before you try to find yourself a booty call, make sure that booty call sex is the thing for you. How do you do that? Again, the answer is simple: read the rest of this column.

The booty call system generally works for three kinds of people: people with no time, no emotions, or no morals.

If you don’t have the time for a committed and loving relationship, yet sex is a release from all the stress, the booty call system might be for you. If you lack the emotional fortitude to carry on a loving and committed relationship, but you’re a nymphomaniac at heart, the booty call system might also be for you. Last, but not least, if you just haven’t found the right person and are willing to forego everything your parents have taught you about loving and committed relationships, then the booty call system might be for you.

However, be cautious. The path you walk when you decide to have a booty call is rife with obstacles. Booty calls definitely aren’t for everyone; if you’re clingy, desperate, STD-infested, or emotionally unstable, it is the last thing you need. Do yourself (and your partner) a favor and stop having sex right now. I mean it.

How can you find yourself a booty call? You’ll generally want to find a person with a cell phone so you can contact your hook-up 24/7. You never know when you’ll get the urge. A booty call will usually appear in the form of an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend who isn’t dating anyone and misses the sex. It can also appear in the form of a friend who is really forward with what they want. These are the most common situations, and they are also the most perilous.

Problems will arise in a booty call situation sooner or later. An ex might want to get back together, or you could end up ruining a friendship. The best that you could hope for is that someone will want to break off the deal because they’ve found someone else. The worst that could happen is that you’ll want to get more serious and they won’t. If this happens, break the deal off because you’ll only hurt yourself in the long run. You’ll be having sex with them to try and win them over; in actuality you’re only deceiving yourself and maintaining the status quo.

If you find yourself in the same situation on the other end, be nice and break it off. The booty call has been compromised because they want more than just sex. You know very well that you don’t plan on buying or wearing that wedding ring. Don’t string someone else along because you’re only thinking of your own hedonistic pleasure. Grow a spine.

The best situation for a booty call relationship is when the partners hate each other. You know that there isn’t a chance that it’ll go beyond sex and you can take all that aggression out on each other in a positive way. It’s a little strange, I agree. But hey, it is achieving your purpose, isn’t it?

Lastly, you should ask yourself a few questions before you engage in booty calls: Do I want more than just sex? Will my partner want more than just sex from me? Can I see myself being something more with this person? Do I want to be more than just a sex object?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you probably shouldn’t be a booty call.

Is it wrong to have a booty call? You’ll have to figure that one out for yourself. However, if you’re going to have one, make sure emotions don’t come into play. You don’t want to get hurt over this. After all, it is just sex.

Daniel Chai is a pseudonymous male undergraduate student at MIT who writes a weekly column about sex and dating in college from a guy’s perspective. You can contact him at danielchai@mit.edu.