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Sex and the SafeRide

Fluid Mechanics

By Alexia Summers
COLUMNIST

For some reason, the mention of blow jobs creates an eruption of giggles from a group of college girls. “Write about blow jobs!” Funny, I’ve heard that from quite a few people.

I’m not quite sure what the big deal is or what exactly people want to know about them. My friends are quick to suggest the topic, but fail to hint at any specifics one could address. I guess technique is the main suggestion. So we’ll start there.

I sometimes wonder if people really know what to do the first time they do something entirely novel. When it comes to intimacy, how does one really know what to do the first time? I never intended to find myself in that situation.

I guess I “blossomed” in high school. I lost my innocence by first learning exactly what was going on... I started reading Seventeen magazine before I had even gone through puberty. By the time I was 16, I turned to Cosmopolitan for sex tips and all the things I needed to know, but didn’t want to ask.

This wasn’t specific enough for me, though. I needed to learn from someone with experience. So I finally asked my friends -- multiple friends, multiple times. I wanted to be sure that I was getting the right information and the best techniques. At summer camp, at church sleepovers, on the cheerleading bus to hockey games, I gained my most valuable information.

One day, I asked my friend Emily who is three years older than I am if she would, ya know, tell me how to give a good blow job. Well, this girl had experience. She was one of those popular girls in high school who could get with a lot of guys and keep it secret. She didn’t need to date; she just partied. And she had fun. I knew she would be a good person to ask. Not only would she know what she was talking about, but she’d be willing to talk openly about anything sexual.

We sat huddled together, whispering. She motioned with her hands throughout the entire “explanation” to demonstrate what I should do. In that awkward sexual moment, I thought it was hilarious. She began by saying, “Well first you have to warm it up.” So I imagined a flaccid penis in my mouth. Hmm, that definitely would not work. OK, I made a mental note, hand job before blow job.

“Start by licking up and down the shaft. Then slowly begin to suck on it. Whatever you do, do not let your teeth scrape!” OK-, that made me a bit nervous. This would be more complicated then I had imagined.

Next she began to make simultaneous movements with her head and her hands. “As you move your mouth up and down the shaft, place your hand at the base of the shaft and move them together.” This reminded me of patting my head and rubbing my stomach -- multiple motions that required rhythmic ability. This was tough. She suggested varying the speed and pressure.

Last she added, “Oh here’s one more thing. Use your other hand to gently massage his balls.”

At first, this description overwhelmed me. I had performance anxiety to tell you the truth. I wasn’t quite sure whether I wanted to try this “technique” on someone that I actually liked. It all seemed like a lot of stuff to be doing at once.

Wasn’t there someone I could practice on? That way, if I made some fatal error, it wouldn’t matter. Too bad I wasn’t that big on hooking up with random guys. So eventually I tried the technique, and it was less frightening than it seemed.

More on this topic later.

Alexia Summers is a pseudonymous female undergraduate at MIT who writes a weekly column about sex in college from a woman’s perspective.