The Tech - Online EditionMIT's oldest and largest
newspaper & the first
newspaper published
on the web
Boston Weather: 85.0°F | Partly Cloudy

Sex and the SafeRide

The Seven Golden Rules

By Daniel Chai

I recently got out of a five year relationship and consequently I’ve been thrown back into the “game.”

I’d like to write about what’s going on in my dating life right now, but there just hasn’t been much going on lately. You might be thinking, “Wow. Five years. That’s pretty long.” Or, you might be thinking, “Why is he writing this column?”

Why not? I’ll let you in on a few things that I’ve learned during my five years of dealing with the same person on how to keep up good relations with your significant other.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that this only applies to people who are tied down. People should know these things before getting into anything, with anyone.

1. Figure out what you want before you start.

In the dating game, there’s nothing worse than someone who doesn’t know what they want. You might be into two different guys, but it’s either you choose one or they get into a steel cage deathmatch.

I think you’d be able to make some money off of the second one -- even if they both die.

2. Be honest and direct.

There’s no easier way to complicate things than to lie to the person you’re interested in.

Come on, we’ve all seen enough romantic comedies or soap operas (one is enough) to know that lying gets you into trouble. If you’re only in it for the sex, let the other person know. If you’re only looking for a long-term commitment, then let the other person know. If you’re in it to get to closer to his or her best friend, then you’re a jerk.

3. Let things happen.

No one likes a control freak. No one wants to be with someone who’s always worried about things either.

You can’t control the future, other people’s feelings, or your own feelings. If it happens that a fling gets serious, see where it takes you. Don’t try to reason things out ... you can’t reason out people’s emotions.

4. Don’t lead the other person on.

You know who you are. Don’t flirt with a guy if you know you have a boyfriend. Don’t let a girl think that she’s going to marry you when know you’re going to break up with her on Valentine’s Day. You can save people a lot of time and pain by being honest.

5. Trust is extremely important.

How can you be with someone that you can’t trust? You can’t worry about what she’s doing all the time.

That’s emotionally and physically draining. However, if she comes back from a frat house with “We’ll miss you -- You’re the best” stamped on her ass, you might have reason to worry.

6. Never compromise your morals, what you believe in, or who you are.

Trying to be someone you’re not isn’t cool; giving up everything you believe in for someone who isn’t always going to be there isn’t cool either. You don’t want to lose your virginity (if you still have it) to some guy who leaves you for reasons untold (e.g., a hot Northeastern girl).

7. Sex should be mutual.

I’m not going to even get into what the legal implications of that statement are. But the truth of the matter is sex is better when both people are into it. If something is not right, coach them through it or wait for a better time. Because there’s always porn.

I’ll give you an update on how my love life is going in a couple of weeks. Maybe I’ll meet someone and write about how great she is. I’ll probably end up writing about how I screwed something up and you can laugh at me. We’ll see how the game goes ...

Daniel Chai is a Features columnist for The Tech who works with Alexia Summers on a weekly column.