All Work And No Play...
It seems that these days college students have too much on their minds besides academics. Instead of spending their time on the pursuit of filling their head with precious knowledge, they splurge their youth on hedonistic pursuits.
I don’t know if you’ve heard about some of these activities youths engage in. What you’re reading right now is an appalling example of what happens when students don’t do schoolwork. They end up flooding their campus with tree-consuming pieces of paper with worthless news and bombastic opinions, which only serve to distract peers from their own academics. Valuable computing resources and potential teaching space go into the production of an insidious publication responsible for usurping some of the student body’s valuable time. Even now I am wasting valuable studying time in order to impress upon you the dire straits we are in.
Then there are those students who take it upon themselves to waste entire weekends doing community service or something else equally far-fetched. Do you think parents shell out an obscene amount of money for their child’s tuition in order to have him or her running off on the weekends to go help others? No, you don’t. This is pure irresponsibility on the student’s part. All time spent on this illustrious campus should be dedicated to academics and the furthering of knowledge.
And don’t get me started on this rampant computer virus known as the “Instant Messenger.” This little device is almost the root of all evil, allowing students around the world to engage in pointless conversations from their workstations. Some even use this tool of Satan to organize non-academic activities. Will the insanity never end? Students should not waste time interacting with each other; it only promotes an atmosphere inconducive to studying.
School is a place of work. Those of you reading this should be ashamed; you should be off doing integrals or circuits or something truly constructive like that. We’re not here to enjoy ourselves, for heaven’s sake; we’re here to work. Engaging in anything else is a waste of valuable time.
Worst of all is sleep. There is nothing in this world that I can think of that is less constructive than sleep. Most disturbing, however, is the vast majority of students here who engage in this disgusting practice. How do you expect to learn when you’re unconscious? Just pathetic. There are those who do try to avoid this nasty habit, but a visit to any Athena cluster will show you the many unsuccessful warriors, hunched at their computers, drooling onto the keyboards. They should be lauded in their attempts to fully immerse themselves in the world of academia, but they shouldn’t accept their failure, and must continue to strive for the day when they can spend their entire life doing nothing but work.
Yes, modern college students are just despicable in their flagrant disrespect of knowledge. Their clubs, socializing, meetings, and sleeping are a vicious slap in the face of the educational community. It is for this reason that we must endeavor to destroy this “balance” that many around us seem to exhibit. The sickening allocation of time for activities other than work and learning shall not be tolerated. True learning comes from locking yourself in a box with your textbooks and problem sets and not emerging except to attend classes. Nothing else must be allowed. We are here for work only; pleasure and sanity are for the weak and the dastardly.
I salute those of you who continue to strive for this scholastic nirvana. A day with anything besides class and work is a day wasted. Fun has no place here at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology; if you find yourself enjoying your time here, you must be doing something wrong.