Do It with EmotionThis is a column in which we address questions and topics of all kinds concerning sex and relationships. Dr. Do It and Ms. Emotion do not claim to be experts in the fields but have been “around the block” a few times and have seen their share of situations involving relationships and sex. The opinions of Dr. Do It and Ms. Emotion do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this publication.
Dear Dr. Do It and Ms. Emotion,
I think I’m falling in love with a fascist. However, I am Jewish. I’m desperate. What should I do?
-- A Dazed and Confused Jewish Girl
Ms. Emotion: This is a delicate issue. First of all if you are indeed becoming attracted to this person, you might have a few things to consider. If he is a strong believer in fascism then you may have some strong opposition to those points. Whether or not a relationship between the two of you will work out will depend on how strongly each of you ascribes to your beliefs: his fascist ideals and your Jewish beliefs.
Based on the fact that you sent in this question, I have a strong suspicion that the beliefs that each of you hold are strong enough to at cause concern about the possibility of it working out. And this concern is probably a good indicator to do some more exploration into your feelings and determine the reasons for why you are falling for this person. You should really think about whether you are falling for him for purely physical reasons, his personality or something else. But it really sounds like your aversion to the fact that he is fascist will really be a source for concern.
Dr. Do It: I’ll say! It’s definitely a source for concern. First of all, you shouldn’t fall in love with someone just because you’re desperate. I’m sure you understand already this can potentially be a very explosive relationship. I have a very difficult time imagining this working out. However, if the sex is really that great, then who knows?
Actually, scratch that last part. I really think that you and he should really talk about your philosophical differences. I really hope his ideals are not as strong as you seem to indicate from your question but if they are, then you will really need to do some serious soul-searching and figure out what you really want in someone you fall in love with.
Dear Dr. Do It and Ms. Emotion:
When my boyfriend and I get together we either do things involving just the two of us or we do things with his friends. I would really like him to get to know my friends better too because I don’t want to alienate myself from my friends and I would like the two of us to hang out with them. What can I do?
-- Social Juggler
Ms. Emotion: A week or two ago, we dealt with relationships that stem from two people in the same circle of friends and the various issues that surround that. This question represents the flip-side in cases where two people get together from very different social circles. It’s tricky to balance keeping good relationships with your friends as well as spending time with your significant other, and your significant other keeping good relationships with his friends.
The important thing is to talk with your boyfriend about your concern with this. It is possible that your boyfriend is not really comfortable with hanging out with your friends. He may be shy around a group of people he does not know well. You can discuss ways in which he can get to know your friends better. You can organize events with your friends maybe in smaller groups to make him feel more comfortable hanging out with them, and that may facilitate him getting to know your friends better. You can also try organizing events where each of you invite your friends, although this could lead to the two groups socializing separately and not much cross-group interaction. Some possible ideas would be pot-luck dinners, picnics, or even sport activities.
Dr. Do It: You could also try out some subversive tactics where you bring your boyfriend to an event with your friends, such as watching a movie at a friends place, and conveniently excuse yourself for a bit. Your friends will most likely engage in conversation with your boyfriend, and there is a strong chance that he will be able to hold his own pretty well. Just don’t leave him to the wolves for too long, or he may get completely devoured.
If you have any questions for Dr. Do It and Ms. Emotion or topics you would like them to discuss, please send e-mail to <firstname.lastname@example.org>.