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Do It With Emotion

This column addresses questions and topics of all kinds concerning sex and relationships. Dr. Do It and Ms. Emotion do not claim to be experts in the fields but have been “around the block” a few times and have seen their share of situations involving relationships and sex. The opinions of Dr. Do It and Ms. Emotion do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this publication.

Dear Dr. Do It and Ms. Emotion,

I have a girlfriend who takes a long time to orgasm when we have sex. Almost invariably, I reach orgasm sooner than she does. I’ve tried distracting myself by thinking about other things, changing positions, changing rhythms, everything I can think of, but nothing works. I'm not sure what do. Please help.

-- Can’t Hold Out Long Enough

Ms. Emotion says: Often it can take longer for a woman than a man to become aroused during foreplay. If your girlfriend is not fully aroused prior to penetration, then it will probably take her longer to reach orgasm during intercourse. I suggest spending more time on foreplay. Learn what she likes and what turns her on. Talk with her about this (she probably knows of things that make her feel good that you might not be aware of) and experiment together.

Dr. Do It says: Yes, experimentation can be a lot of fun. If the two of you are really interested in getting a little frisky you can always try to introduce a vibrator or other sex toy that you can use to get her more aroused before intercourse. You can also find desensitizing creams at the local drug store in the prophylactics section. They are designed specifically for the purpose of lessening your arousal and therefore extending your time to orgasm.

Dear Do It and Emotion,

I’m a male student and have a crush on one of my male friends who I think is heterosexual. I’ve seen him go on dates with females. I’m not sure but he might actually be bisexual. However, I don’t know how to approach him, and I don't want to ruin my friendship with him or make him uncomfortable if he actually is heterosexual. What should I do?

-- Emotionally Constrained

Do It and Emotion say: Whenever one of two friends becomes interested in the other friend it becomes a sticky situation. If he’s not interested in you, or if he’s not bisexual, then you might get hurt. Once you're prepared for this possibility I think you should talk to him about how you feel. If he’s a true friend then your honesty will not hurt the friendship, but will strengthen it. Even if he can’t return your feelings, he’ll probably be flattered. Also, you probably shouldn’t flirt with him or attempt to initiate anything romantic or sexual until you’ve talked things over.

Dear Dr. Do It and Ms. Emotion,

A few months ago I planned to go on a trip with a bunch of my friends, including my then-boyfriend. Since then, I broke up with my boyfriend, and am now going out with one of the other guys who is going on the trip. I haven’t told my ex that I'm dating our mutual friend, though -- it’s sort of a secret. The trip happens in a couple of weeks. What should I do? Should I keep it a secret throughout the trip? Should I tell my ex before the trip? Wouldn't that make things harder?

-- Gotta Keep Em Separated

Ms. Emotion says: Well Ms. Separated, why are you keeping it a secret? Since the three of you are in the same circle of friends, your ex is bound to find out sooner or later. It would probably be best for you to tell him rather than him finding out second-hand. So although he may be hurt when you tell him, it is better than being hurt in addition to being deceived by his friends. This doesn’t mean that the trip may not be somewhat difficult emotionally for him or you, but that is up to each of you to decide, and it should hopefully be a lot easier when everything is out in the open.

Dr. Do It: I agree, and you never know, if you play your cards right you might even get a threesome out of it. Just joking of course.

If you have any questions for Dr. Do It and Ms. Emotion or topics you would like them to discuss, please send them to <advice@the-tech.mit.edu>. Questions will be published anonymously.