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Apocalypse Now

From my extensive efforts to listen to Busta Rhymes, I have learned that “a major disaster will be striking all levels of existence” as the year 2000 approaches. Busta cites the Presidential sex scandals, the death of Princess Diana, and the death of Versace as evidence of this cataclysmic event. We at MIT, however, have just been presented with the most convincing evidence of the approaching apocalypse.

I am referring, naturally, to the Car Talk guys. In past years, we’ve had the President of the United States, the Vice President, and the Secretary General of the United Nations speak. I’m not suggesting that I’d rather hear any of these three speakers over Click and Clack, but such a drop in our speakers’ prestige is obviously a sign of the Extinction Level Event which Busta so lucidly predicts. I hope that MIT has a policy against causing the end of the world. To that end, I suggest that we invite Busta Rhymes to replace the Magliozzi brothers at commencement.

Philip D. Sarin G