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Movie Review: Soldier

By Vladimir V. Zelevinsky
Staff Reporter

Directed by Paul Anderson

Written by David Webb Peoples

With Kurt Russell, Jason Scott Lee, Jason Isaacs, Connie Nielsen, Gary Busey

David Peoples wrote Unforgiven. Smart. He also wrote Bladerunner. Smart. Very smart. He also wrote 12 Monkeys. Smart. All 12. He also wrote Soldier. Not smart. Stupid. Very stupid.

Kurt Russell is Soldier. Soldier kills people. He is a good guy. Soldier is replaced with new soldiers. They are bad guys. Soldier is thrown away on a garbage planet. Soldier befriends local people. New soldiers come to the garbage planet. Soldier does not say a thing. He grunts. Then he kills new soldiers. All of them. Then he nukes the planet. Everyone is happy. Happy end.

Soldier is violent. It is also boring. It is also stupid. It has a lot of blood. A lot of gore. A lot of testosterone. A big whole lot of it.

This movie is bad. Very bad. So bad it is almost good. This critic is tired. Very tired. Very annoyed. This review is long. Too long. Four paragraphs longer than this movie deserves. Good bye.