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Brocoum Misses 6-7 in Week Packed with NFL Surprises

By Chris Brocoum
Sports Columnist

Last week was quite eventful. A north Korean submarine ran aground off the coast of South Korea after dropping off covert military commandos. The international community held its breath at reports of Boris Yeltsin's serious heart problems. The Rocket Roger Clemens tied his own 10-year-old strikeout record for a game at 20. The Dallas Cowboys lost yet another game to go 13 for the season and I was 67. What was that last little thing? 67. Oops.

In the interests of career advancement and job security, I will be moving up to the big time to cover MIT B-league intramural football, and see if I can at least break .500.

I know my limits and I acknowledge my disaster last week. I am a reasonable guy and I must therefore learn from this experience. I must try to figure out why the NFL screwed up so bad last week. The most rational explanation I can develop is that a bizarre zodiacal coincidence caused all the planets to align and thus altered the trajectory of the football all day Sunday.

Another possibility is that maybe I have no idea what I am talking about. These hypotheses are currently being tested by the strictest experimental methods. Results to follow.

What a wild week. The unbeatable Packers looked a little green as the Vikings pulled off a huge upset. Dallas is digging itself a bigger and bigger hole with each ugly loss. San Francisco slept from about noon Sunday to around four o'clock. No, that wasn't just a bad dream, Mr. Young.

As the league begins to diverge, I just want to make a case for how much parity exists around the NFL. The four undefeated teams - Indianapolis, K.C., Minnesota, and Carolina (silly me, I thought they were an expansion team) - are nicely offset by the four goose egg teams - N.J. Jets, Tampa Bay, New Orleans, and Atlanta. I think that evens out rather nicely, don't you?

Always eager to rise to the challenge, I have carefully picked this week's games. I even double checked the rules making sure that touchdowns do, in fact, count more than field goals. So, the picks, week five:

Carolina is having no trouble finding NFL talent. Jacksonville will discover just what NFL talent is - Carolina.

Denver and Cincinnati. Is there any reason anyone would bet FOR the Bengals?

Detroit looked good last week over da Bears. Tampa Bay is just looking like Tampa Bay.

Houston at Pittsburgh. I will guarantee victory for the Steelers.

Minnesota is undefeated. The Giants are the Giants. (I must apologize to all those Vikings fans out there. I like the Vikings, I even have a big purple Vikings jacket and I still got influenced by the Green Bay bandwagon last week. I guess I got what I de-served.)

Being a Pittsburgh fan, I have no love for the former Browns. However, I do respect the Ravens a lot more than I respect the Saints.

Da Bears over the Raiders.

San Francisco merely had an out of body experience or something last week. They will be back against the Falcons.

Green Bay may have stumbled, but they still have too much poise for the Seahawks.

Kansas City is doing well for some odd reason. Look out San Diego.

St. Louis at Arizona. Does anyone care? Take St. Louis.

The Jets quarterback is Neil O'Donnell. The red hot Redskins win easily.

Monday Night Special: Dallas Coach Barry Switzer better watch his back. Getting Michael Irving back is a good thing? The Eagles win a good battle.

Last week: 67. Season: 1511.