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Institutional Wisdom Watch

Voodoo: Phos is a copycat! "Nipple Woman" big loser with campus humor crowd.

Physical Plant: Crack commando squad chugs down coffee to run to chopper crash site.

Sloan Master's: Baits bevy of newcomers. If these guys are paying, let's triple the enrollment!

Ashdown: Residents produce harsh list of "non-negotiables." With all the excitement, why was Dean Smith doodling?

EC Fire: If only you could prevent idiots from throwing lit cigs down the chutes. Call in Smokey Bear.

Albert Hsu: Puppet of former UA Judboard members. Wanted: Secretary.

Jason Solinsky: Flame on, Grizzly Adams. If you aren't graduating, why not run for UAP?

John Hollywood: Desperate UAVP search ends at last. Can they catch front-runners Muh and Balsley?

Sheldon Myrie: Outsider's UAP candidacy recalls Admiral Stockdale: "Who am I and what am I doing here?"

Tuition: This is the direction it should be going.