Institutional Wisdom Watch

Strategic Housing Planning Committee: Perverse attempt at top-down social engineering generates more heat than light.

President Vest: MIT's own President Bush spends his time out of town saving MIT's rear end. While the cat's away, the mice will play.

Provost Wrighton: MIT's Richie Rich complete with bronze Corvette. Botched UESA search, CMRAE. Woodshed time.

Dean Art Smith: SHPC hurt, but we're sad to see you go. Art, we hardly knew ye.

Robert Randolph, SHPC Chair: "We have listened" line wears thin. Motto: Vox Dean, Vox Dei.

Residence and Campus Activities: Jablonski clears the air. Allen muddies the waters.

Picture book monkey: Get it off our backs.

Aramark: ARA ditches name to improve image. Even the rats aren't fooled.

New calendar: Reading period? What reading period? MIT is still Hell.

John Hollywood, UA Committee on Student Life: Survey-king running in an open field. UA presidential bid generates zero enthusiasm.

UROP: Under siege, provost's $1 million saves the summer. But who will be Daddy Warbucks this year? Happy 25th birthday!

UA: Student government rejoins the battle. Now where'd I put my sword?

GSC: Maximum Leader "Woja" Kermode single-handedly rules grad world.

Hacking: Memories of the police car fading fast. Where's Tetris?

UAP Vijay Sankaran: Extracts UA from Bush Fund imbroglio, but to where?

Gussie Simonides: Like Spock, it takes three people to replace him. And it's still not the same.

Thistle: Cannabis-laden sheet drops behind deadlines.

Counterpoint: GOP victory brings champagne and brie to office. Maybe that's why they never publish?

Voodoo: Outpublishes Thistle, becomes funny. Cilantro Boy new campus hero.

Police Log: Humor missing, later found. Ashdown: SHPC reported; dorm missing.

David LaMacchia: MIT's O.J. whips Feds; it's back to the 5th Floor of the Student Center. Go Juice, go!

John Deutch: The Deputy Secretary of Defense, our man in Washington, continues to be a player. Wisely sidesteps CIA quagmire.

Resnet: Because you can't sniff passwords in the clusters.

Coop: With no rebate, membership has no privileges. Bring back the lingerie trees!

Re-engineering: Euphemism masks shallow plan. Can you say "layoffs"?