Beaver's on Their Way to Super Bowl SaturdayBy Mike Duffy
and Andrew Heitner
Your Beaver football team is priming itself for a showdown in Steinbrenner Stadium with the Bentley Falcons on Saturday (kickoff 1 p.m., tailgate parties 11 a.m.), a game dubbed the "Super Bowl." If MIT (5-2, 4-1) wins, they clinch the ECFC championship and a spot in the New Year's Day bowl lineup as part of the Bowl Coalition. A Falcon (8-0, 4-0) win, unlikely as it may be, sets up a winner-take-all game next week pitting Bentley versus Stonehill (7-1, 4-1).
The Beavers have a potent rushing game, let by the gaping hole blocking of Neil Best '95 (#69) and the powerful running of freshman standout Jose DeLeon '97 (#24). The defense is led by linebacker Nolan Duffin '95 (#9) and cornerback Calvin Newman '96 (#32). The Falcons feature a balanced attack, led by quarterback Mike Rymshat '96.
As you are reading this, the famed MIT grounds keeping squad is hard at work beefing up the guard rail around the Stadium and making arrangements for the MIT mounties to be at the game in order to avoid a post-game stampede similar to the one in Madison last weekend. Of course this won't hinder the ticker tape celebration planned for Wednesday at high noon along Massachusetts Avenue, beginning at Smoot #69 and continuing on to Libby's Liquors in Central Square.
Tomorrow night, Riddick Bowe defends his heavyweight title against Evander Holyfield. This fight is a rematch of last year's spectacular championship brawl (round 10 was arguably the greatest heavyweight round of all time) in which Bowe won a unanimous decision to take the title. Look for Bowe by decision again this year, but in not nearly as exciting a bout. Although Holyfield has put on some weight, he won't be stupid enough to again go toe-to-toe with Big Daddy, opting instead to score from the outside and to tie up Bowe whenever the champion lands any punches. These tactics should make the fight go 12 rounds, but won't be enough for Holyfield to regain the title.
With the victory, Bowe should fight Michael "Othello" Moorer next (as mandated by the WBA) then move on to Lennox "Tough as Jerry" Lewis. With Tommy "Where's my Gynecologist" Morrison and Ray "Abscam" Mercer out of the heavyweight picture, there's no other big pay dirt fights available, at least until 1997. Bowe should sign to fight Lewis right away, before Lennox gets slapped around again, like Frank "Gaucho" Bruno did to him, or knocked out, which would leave Bowe without a valid opponent and a $15 million bill for his custom built house.
With the NBA season tipping off tonight, we present the first edition of our NBA preview: The Eastern Conference.
1. New York. Too strong and too much depth. The emergence of Hubert Davis won't allow John Starks and Greg Anthony to sit still. The biggest problem here is how Coach Riley will fit 12 egos into a stable rotation.
2. Orlando. The addition of Anfernee Hardaway, combined with a healthy Dennis Scott and Nick Anderson will alleviate some of the pressure on the big fella. It will be a fun winter down at Disney World.
3. Miami. As Steve Smith goes, so does the Heat. If he remains healthy for the entire year, the Heat will challenge Orlando. If not, they will do battle with the Bullets. Watch for Harold Miner, aka Baby Jordan, to explode this year.
4. Celtics. Not as bad a team as people think. They have added size -- Pickney is back -- Radja, and Acie -- to go with backcourt quickness. If Dee can nail the jumpers, the Celts will have fans cheering again.
5. Exit 16Ws. The death of Petro and the departure of Dudley leaves Coach Daly with a lot of holes to fill. Coleman lacks any sort of leadership, while Kenny is still trying to grow up.
6. Washington. Bullet management should be more concerned with their on-court play than with their logo (they say Bullets incites violence). Adding Duckworth and drafting Chaney will fit in nicely with Ellison, Grant, and Googs. Still need a point to run the show.
7. Philadelphia. Added Greg Graham, Dana Barros, and the Praying Mantis from Utah. Need a lot more. Too bad Spoon is buried down there at the Spectrum: He's a fun player to watch.
1. Cleveland. The Czar of the Telestrator inherits a team full of talent, but short of emotion. Look for Terrell Brandon to develop into one of the league's finest point guards.
2. Charlotte. The addition of Eddie Johnson and Hersey Hawkins makes this team scary. Mourning is on a mission to prove he is one of the elite. Could a $100 million contract be far behind?
3. Detroit. Picked up Sean Elliot and drafted Allan Houston. Terry Mills should be stable, while Dumars will continue to shine.
4. Milwaukee. Our sleeper pick. May Day (Lee Mayberry and Todd Day) and the Vanilla Gorilla, Brad Lohaus, will bring the Bucks and Coach Dunleavy out of the cellar.
5. Chicago. The retirement of His Airness and the season ending injury to Scott Williams will force Toni Kukoc to step into the spotlight sooner than Coach Jackson wanted. Also include added pressure on Pippen to prove he didn't ride the back of Michael.
6. Atlanta. Coach Wilkens will long for the talent he had back in Cleveland. Hawks should be entertaining, but Koncak is still starting. 'Nuff said.
7. Indiana. McKey a good pickup, but so is my F-150. Combine the Pacers with the Colts, and you'll understand why "Amish Rake Fights" on channel 4 is the number 1 rated show in Indy.
Knicks over Bucks, Cavs over Celts, Hornets over Pistons, and Magic over Heat. Championship: Knicks over Hornets in Seven. Stay tuned next week to see who Patrick and the rest of the Knicks will be facing.
Menudo's Top 5
4. Notre Dame
The Irish have the week off before taking on the Seminoles in the big showdown. They looked poor in the first half last week versus Navy, but played well enough to get the win, yet still allow Lou "Illegal Choke" Holtz to bellow to the media about how bad his team is. The top-rated Seminoles take on the Maryland Terripins, straight out of the Race for Futility, tomorrow, and will be wise to rest quarterback Charlie Ward for the Notre Dame game next week. The Buckeyes, off an impressive win in the Maddenesque conditions in Columbus, travel to Madison, where they will try to avoid being trampled by zany Badger fans. The 'Canes reluctantly go to Pittsburgh tomorrow to face the Panthers. They are calling this the Janitor Game down in Little Havana, because the canes should mop up.
Let's Argue Fan Top 5
This week's list was sent in by Ethan Close '95:
5. Pine Manor
You Heard It Here First
Two NBA teams with personnel troubles will look to solve them both with a trade. The LA Paper Clips will send Danny Manning and "Hats off to" Ron Harper north to Portland in exchange for Dream Teamer Clyde Drexler and Jerome Kersey. Manning has wanted out of LA practically since he was drafted (he would love to play for the Celts), and Drexler is making himself a pest in the eyes of Blazer management by continually asking for contract re-negotiations. It is a toss up as to which team gets the better deal.
Where Are They Now?
Former Milwaukee Bucks: Marques Johnson, Bob Lanier, Junior Bridgeman, Brian Winters, Paul Mokeski, Sidney Moncrief, Lester Conner, and Craig Hodges.
Mondongo's Hueso de la Semana
To Mike Ditka's fashion coordinator for allowing him to wear a heinous grey sport coat on TV during his NFL Live stint last Sunday. On TV, the coat looked blurred, as though viewers were watching a 3D movie without the glasses. The jacket, after 15 minutes of viewing during halftime of the Pats game, caused your humble scribes headaches and nausea.
Trivia Question of the Week
What team gave up the most points per game in one season in NCAA history, with 49.3? Send answers, comments, or nicknames for Marge Schott to email@example.com.
Last week's answer: Notre Dame, with 16. A win tomorrow by FSU will tie the Seminoles for the longest as they head into the NBC Bowl next week. Kudos to Mike Szady and Paul O'Brien, who provided the only correct answers. They both win a free barbecue. Just show up at Senior House with a steak and a few copies of the "Dealing With Harassment at MIT" guide to claim your prize.
MIT 8, Bentley 7. Coach Smith, heeding the advice of your humble scribes, opens the game with a play action pass to wide receiver Tom Jacobs. The Falcons, who stack the line (even more so than Playmates shooting free throws) to guard against DeLeon and the running attack, are caught off guard. Surprisingly, Coach goes for two this early in the game.
Bills 20, Patsies 6. New England players mistaken this weekend for Halloween and come dressed as Ugliest Manifestation On Campus winner, Ken J. Lin '95. Oilers 31, Doves 7. Seattle players spend weekend reading Senator Packwood's diary rather than their playbook. Fish 30, J-E-T-S 17. Jets players to distraught over Joe Klecko not winning the New York mayoral race. Norwegian Americans 33, Lightning Bolts 3. San Diego players spend game trying to figure out the 3 m's in 3M. Steelers 21, Pussy Cats 13. At least Cincinnati can cheer that they were voted Most Livable City. Last Week: 6-3. Season to date: 47-22.