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Football Romp Sets Up Superbowl Showdown with Bentley

By Mike Duffy
and Andrew Heitner

Sports Columnists

A hearty kudos to the football team for its thorough spanking of the Nichols Bison last Saturday in their first ever homecoming game. The raucous capacity crowd at Steinbrenner Stadium came to see blood, and the Beavers did not disappoint, lighting up the scoreboard for 40 first half points en route to a 43-7 victory. This sets up a "Superbowl" showdown versus Bentley for the ECFC championship on Nov. 6. Rumors that ABC has requested that kickoff be moved up from 1 p.m. to noon in order to nationally televise it can neither be confirmed nor denied at this time.

We hope that all you fans who could not attend the drubbing tuned into WMBR to catch our broadcast of the game. We'd like to send out our thanks to the following people who helped put the show together: Ted "Only the good die" Young, radio engineer; Roger "Dodger" Crosley, sports information director; Bill Stockton G, WMBR program director; and all the MIT athletes who appeared live in the booth (you know who you are).

According to our man at The Boston Globe, Jack Craig, the broadcast drew a 5.2 and a 40 share on the Arbitron overnight radio ratings. Sources close to The Tech have confirmed that tapes of the game have been sent to the Armed Forces Radio Network for possible worldwide rebroadcast.

What right does Jim Everett have to complain about being yanked in favor of T.J. Rubley in the second quarter of the Rams-Lions thriller last Sunday? The Rams are coming off a pitiful 5-11 record last season and a 2-4 start this season with Everett at the helm. Going into the game, the man whom teammates call "Chris" was second from the bottom in NFL quarterback ratings. Everett can't blame the other parts of the team for the Rams' poor showing. He started off the game 2 for 9 for 12 yards with an interception, while running back Jerome Bettis had amassed 85 yards on 16 carries by halftime. The Rams defense was ranked eighth in the conference entering the game, and had held the Lions to only six points by half. Coach Chuck Knox told Everett that he was being benched to get the crowd fired up and to spark the team. Though it is nearly impossible to get the yogurt slurping orange peel eaters in LALA land fired up about anything except a sale at the health food store, Hooker did throw two touchdown passes, ended with 151 yards, and almost brought the Lambs back to victory. Regardless of who is quarterback, the Rods will continue their slide, as they travel to San Francisco to get spanked by the Niners.

Your humble scribes once again spent some time hobnobbing with the rich and the famous. World famous professor, educator, and industry consultant, Genichi Taguchi, known for his work in reducing manufacturing variation through designed experiments, was in town last week, and he sought us out to shoot the breeze and get old copies of Let's Argue to bring back with him to Japan. Mr. T claimed to be a big fan of the Yumari Swallows, especially when Warren Cromartie played there, and said, "Your article is very robust. By the way, I always go with The Picks."

Things must be more slow in Mississippi than usual. Following Mississippi State's loss to Auburn on Oct. 9, coach Jackie Sherrill asked the Southeastern Conference to confiscate the game balls and check them for tampering. Sherrill believed that the Tigers had put helium in the footballs, accounting for punter Terry Daniel's 56.5 yard average during the game. The referees at the game originally thought to punch a hole in one of the balls, suck in, and see if their voices changed, but instead opted to send the balls to a lab in Birmingham to test the contents of the balls. It is believed to be the first time in history that a gas chromatograph had an impact on the outcome of a football game. This is not the first time, however, that balls have made Sherrill look foolish. He drew the wrath of animal lovers last season when he had a veterinarian castrate a bull in front of the team to get the Bulldogs fired up to play against the University of Texas Longhorns.

Lastly, before heading to the conclusion of our baseball post season awards, the NCAA once again demonstrated that it can be bought for the right price. The men's basketball season traditionally opens (on some campuses) with Midnight Madness. The team players and coaches assemble at 12:01 a.m. on the day practice can officially start, Nov. 1, and go through a series of drills (mostly highlight material such as dunking and three point fests) to delight the fans in attendance. ESPN sends cameras and crews out to selected campuses to cover all the action. Because Nov. 1 falls on a Monday this year, students were less likely to be drunk and crazy at a Sunday Madness, thereby hurting ESPN's ratings. The NCAA, not about to lose a few bucks with the Christmas season fast approaching, agreed to allow schools to host Madness tonight, provided that it is for pure enjoyment reasons. Don't all of you readers be rushing over to Rockwell Cage, however, as MIT Cable and the athletic department were unable to swing a deal, thereby, once again, shutting the MIT community out from Midnight Madness.

Cisco Baseball Awards

AL Cy Young

1. "Black" Jack McDowell, Chi

2. Jimmy "Skeleton" Key, NY

3. Kevin "I'll take" Appier, KC

AL Rookie

1. Tim "Sockeye" Salmon, Cal

2. Jason "Razz" Bere, Chi

3. Aaron Sele "Posturepedic," Red Sox

NL MVP

1. Barry "U.S." Bonds, SF

2. Lenny "Bull" Dykstra, Phi

3. Fred "Crime Dog" McGriff, SD-Atl

NL Cy Young

1. Greg "Appa" Maddox, Atl

2. Billy Swift "Kick," SF

3. Tom "Chief" Glavine, Atl

NL Rookie

1. Mike "Pepperoni" Piazza, LA

2. Rene "Kill" Arocha, St. Louis

3. Who cares?

You Heard it Here First

Jack Loeffler, Ford Recruiter, told us on Tuesday that the "Cleveland Indians will be in the World Series in two years. You heard it from me first." With the high quality of their farm system and the excitement generated by their new stadium, the Indians will bring the title back to Cleveland, 51 years after Herb Score and company did it.

Race For Futility

Temple -- 356 points (50.9 ppg)

Maryland -- 319 points (45.6 ppg)

The Owls are at the Orange Bowl this weekend. The game figures to be such a mismatch that Vegas is not offering the betting public a line, although Vix lists the Hurricanes as a 58 point favorite. Meanwhile, the Terps travel to Death Valley, where they will get crushed by Clemson.

Menudo's Top 5

1. Florida State

3. Notre Dame

4. Ohio State

5. Miami

File this one under the Lou Holtz is a Class Guy category. In last Saturday's romp over USC, the Irish ran a fake punt, despite being up 31-13 with only two and a half minutes remaining in the game. One of the Irish said it was run to keep the Seminoles off balance in their preparations for "The Game" on Nov. 13. Yea, whatever. The fact is that Holtz is a jerk and we can't wait for the Irish to get pummeled in two weeks. Meanwhile, in tomorrow's match ups, the Seminoles host Wake Forest, the Irish are at Navy, the Bucks host Penn State, and Miami entertains Temple.

Let's Argue Fan Top 5

This week's list comes from Erik Abernathy G:

1. Indiana

2. IU Kokomo

3. Indiana State

4. Ball State

5. Butler

Where Are They Now?

Former Dallas Cowboys. Golden Richards, Robert Newhouse, Randy White, Preston Pearson, Charlie Waters, Danny White, Too Tall Jones, Jackie Smith, Rafael Septien, and Clint Didier.

Mondongo's Hueso de la Semana

This week's winner is Cleveland quarterback "My Cousin" Vinny Testaverde for not opting to slide after his 13 yard gallop in Sunday's game versus Pittsburgh. In an attempt to show off his machismo, Vinny took on two Steeler defenders rather than go the usual wussy quarterback route of sliding. The end result? Vinny separated his shoulder and is out for the season.

Globe Gem of The Week

The boys of the Olde Towne rag really out did themselves this week. After Sunday's Doves victory over the Patsies, a column with the headline of Mirer reminding some of Montana ran in Monday's editions. Granted Mirer did lead the Doves to the game winning score, but they were playing the Patsies for heaven's sake. The fact Mirer lead his team to victory should not have been the headline, rather how terrible Mirer looked in the first three quarters when he could only put a field goal up on the board.

Trivia Question of the Week

Who holds the longest current winning streak in the NCAA (not including ties)? Send answers, comments, and raving reviews of our radio broadcast to sports@the-tech.mit.edu.

Answer to last week's question: WMBR is Walker Memorial Basement Radio. Kudos to Michael Bowers '92, Melinda Keyser G, Jeff Cole, Ted Botimer G, and Chris Becker who all got it right. They each win a free all-you-can-eat buffet. Just show up in Building 4 on Monday for the 3M presentation at 7 p.m. and feast.

MIT TWIB Notes

The men's varsity basketball team will conduct tryouts starting at 5 p.m. Monday in the Cage. Interested parties should show up promptly dressed in athletic garb.

The football team moved up to the number nine ranking in New England. The men's cross country team is currently ranked second in the latest New England polls. The women's field hockey team is 2-4 in the conference and 10-5 overall. The men's soccer team is 1-3, 6-5 overall. The women's tennis team entered New England Women's 8 playoff action as the third seed.

Sir Vix Picks

MIT 21, UMass Boston 6: Tech prevails in annual subway series, a tune up for next week's Super Bowl. Luckily no one injured while walking up steps of JFK T-stop in cleats.

Patsies 13, Dolts 10: Scientists suspend embryo research after watching this thriller, saying that human cloning may not be a good idea after all. Saints 31, Bishops 14: Phoenix players so distraught at death of Vincent Price, they spend week watching reruns of Brady Bunch "Brady's go to Hawaii" episode over and over. 'Boys 27, Speagles 17: Five more Philly players injured by mob crowd at Howard Stern book signing.

Chiefs 23, Fish 21: KC, when invoking new Girl Scout pledge, changes "God" to "Montana." Norwegian Americans 17, Lions 9: Inspired by Jack Buck's radio descriptions, Minnesota will officially change its name to Purple Helmeted Warriors. Pigeons 42, Bucs 35: Prime Time (the other one) furious over not being mentioned in Margaret Thatcher's new book, vents anger at quarterback Erickson and the rest of the Tampa plugs. Broncos 23, Doves 0: Seattle players arrive late from Houston after attending David Williams' son's circumcision. Giants 24, J-E-T-S 20: 5-year-old Paul Rosen (aka "Superboy," who survived a 7-story fall) brought in to replace fragile Mike Sherrard at wide receiver. Home field advantage propels Giants to victory.

Last Week: 6-3

Season to date: 40-19

Rumblings from around the 'Tute

From Mike Bowers '92 out in the Bay Area: "Last weekend when you all were here I said, `How exciting, broadcasting from Walker Memorial Basement Radio.' I think there are a lot more people at the 'Tute that know this as well. You're going to get thousands of students screaming, `I know this, I know this, oh oh oh.' And then they're going to walk around the tute for a week with a chubie."

From Ted Botimer G: "Kudos to the MIT football team on the big victory. Their prowess was only outdone by your pearly tones on the airwaves. I am history from this place on Thursday so I thought that I would go out a winner. California here I come."

From Ben "The River" Jordan '95: "To anyone who missed the homecoming football game here at MIT last weekend, you missed out on a lot. And in case you haven't pulled yourself away form your Athena terminal long enough to read about it in The Tech, you probably don't know that your mighty Beaver football team is well on its way to making a new name for a school that wouldn't support athletics as much as it supports the Internet."