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Watch Out for Let's Argue Broadcast

By Mike Duffy
and Andrew Heitner

Sports Columnists

Believe it or not, MIT will be hosting its first ever Homecoming football game on Saturday afternoon, and your humble scribes will be there to cover all the bonecrushing action. We'll be broadcasting the game on WMBR radio (88.1), first on your FM dial. Come join us and all your favorite WMBR radio personalities at 11 a.m. in the Bar-B-Q pits for the pre-game tailgating festivities. We'll then be perched in the luxury press box high atop Steinbrenner Stadium for the on-air pregame show at 12:45, with kickoff at 1:03 p.m.. Hopefully, the Hibachi that we bring along to grill the T-bones won't smoke out the rest of the press corps in attendance.

At halftime, MIT will be saluting its scholar athletes who have achieved academic All-America status, and winner Portia Lewis will join us in the booth following the ceremonies. Other surprise guests for the broadcast will include Antonio "Mondongo" Morales '95 and athletic sensation Dionne "Prime Time" Chapman '94. Many of our faithful readers have already informed us that they will be wearing rainbow wigs and carrying big foamy "Number 1" hands to the game, so get your tickets early if you don't want to be in the same section as those yahoos.

Speaking of jamokes running rampant in the crowd at sporting events, if you want to shoot the breeze with 500 or so felons, just show up in Chicago Stadium on Wednesday (as though just getting to the Stadium was not already dangerous enough). In a promotional event with worthy intentions, the Bulls are playing host to the first ever Reduce Firearms night, where the first 250 fans to turn in a gun to the front office received a pair of tickets to the Bulls exhibition game. By the end of what promises to be a long season without His Airness, Snottie Pipsqueak and the boys will be glad that the Bulls management has done everything possible to remove dangerous implements from their fans.

The sudden retirement of Michael Jordan has done more than strip Chicago of its best player and the NBA of its biggest media star. It has unfortunately also planted the idea of retirement in many athletes heads. After Charles Barkley collapsed during training camp, he claimed that his back was causing him so much pain that he would like to retire after this year, especially if the Suns win the championship. Now that Rickey Henderson is back in the World Series, he has also expressed a desire to hang them up. Most athletes, especially those making piles of money, respect Jordan for being able to quit while still at the top of his game. Still, it shows that media harassment and big cushy contracts may force great players out of sports.

Sports celebrities are not the only ones who whine these days. The major league baseball umpires union is complaining to both CBS and the league offices to remove the Sky Cam from World Series broadcasts. This camera is positioned directly above home plate, so as to give a top view of the ball crossing home plate. The men in blue claim that CBS is using the camera to second guess their calls of balls and strikes, thereby showing them up. CBS does do this when warranted, but the camera also provides some excellent shots for close plays at the plate and allows the viewer to see the movement on pitches. Maybe the umps should worry more about getting the calls right -- unlike some calls they blew at first base in the NLCS and World Series --and less about what's on the tube.

Anyone who played in the NBA prior to 1980 would be shocked to hear that Derrick Coleman turned down an 8-year $69 million offer from the New Jersey Nets that would make him the highest paid player in the league. This contract dispute is not about money, though. It should be obvious to the team that Derrick simply does not want to play for the Exit 16W's, a team that showed promise last year but which fell apart when Kenny Anderson got hurt, Drazen Petrovic was killed, Chris Dudley left via free agency, and Benoit "Balls" Benjamin joined the team. DC is simply forcing the Nets to ante up enough dough to keep him in a place he doesn't want to be. Sort of like the type of dough a company has to offer an engineer to move to Saskatchewan.

With the near completion of the baseball season, we bring you our votes for the major awards, starting with the AL MVP:

1. Frank Thomas

2. Juan Gonzales

3. Ken Griffey Jr.

The Big Hurt had a monster year, and should be consensus choice on everyone's ballot. Gonzales led the league in dingers despite an injury that kept him out at the end of the season. Junior gets the nod over Paul Molitor because he plays the field, and over Rafael Palmiero because he had better numbers at the plate for a worse team. In another stunning display of prognostication, these are the same exact selections we made in our preseason baseball article, so many months ago.

Menudo's Top 5

1. Florida State

3. Notre Dame

4. Ohio State

5. MIT

The Seminoles are off this week, while the Lou "Our team couldn't beat Wellesley" Holtz's Notre Dame hosts Southern Cal. Each team is eagerly anticipating this season's second "Game of the Century," to be held Nov. 13 in South Bend. Meanwhile, the Bucks travel to West Lafayette to dispose of the Boilermakers.

Let's Argue Fan Top 5

This week's fan is Frank Leibly G, who sent us the following:

1. Washington

2. Washington State

3. Eastern Washington

4. Puget Sound

5. Berklee College of Music

Globe Gem of the Week

This week's winner is Jack Craig, who regularly reviews sports media coverage in his Sportview column. Quick to spot rising stars, the following appeared in last Tuesday's edition: "Mike Duffy and Andrew Heitner will make sports announcing history Saturday when they broadcast the MIT-Nichols football game on WMBR-FM (88.1). It has never happened before at MIT." A hearty Let's Argue two thumbs up to Jack.

Where Are They Now?

1980 Philadelphia Phillies. Manny Trillo "in Rio," Bake "Father of" McBride, Garry Maddox, Greg "Bull" Luzinski, Bob "Thumbs like Debbie" Boone, Keith Moreland, Steve Carlton, Dickie Noles, Dick "Doctor" Ruthven, Randy Lerch, and Tug "Quick draw" McGraw.

Race For Futility

Temple: 325 points (54.2 ppg)

Maryland: 319 points (45.6 ppg)

The number of points given up by these two teams so far this season is equivalent to the average verbal and math SAT score, respectively, of a Harvard freshman.

Mondongo's Hueso de la Semana

To the driver of the Oklahoma Sooner Schooner. In last week's OU loss to Colorado, the Sooners managed to put a field goal on the board in the second quarter. Following Sooner tradition, an oversized chuck wagon, pulled by a couple of horses, scooted on to the field. As the wagon was turning around to head back to the end zone, the driver tried to "cut the wheel" too tightly, causing the schooner to tip over and sending both him (who was on top of the wagon) and his buddy (inside of the wagon) scrambling. Both escaped major injury, but not the watchful eye of Mondongo.

Trivia Question of the Week

What do the call letters WMBR stand for? Send answers, questions, and stupid stunts you copied from television to sports<\ The Oakland Athletics, with nine division titles and six pennants. Kudos to Alex Tapia '96, Jonathan Sigman '95, Al Ramsey G, who all got it right. They win free medical exams and canning jars, courtesy of our friends at the Cambridge California Cryobank.

MIT TWIB Notes

A Let's Argue two thumbs up to Sam Pearlman '96 of the men's soccer team, who was named Constitution Athletic Conference player of the week. The team hosts Clark College tomorrow at 10:30 a.m. -- plenty of time to catch the game then the tailgate action over at the barbecue pits.

Good luck to the men's water polo team, as they participate in the EWPA Division III tourney, held at Williams College, this weekend.

The men's cross country team, currently ranked fifth in New England, hosts the Constitution Athletic Conference championships tomorrow.

With a 3-0 win over UMass-Dartmouth on Tuesday, the women's field hockey team improved to 9-4 (2-3 in the conference). They host Worcerster Polytechnic Institute out on the turf tomorrow. Game time is 11 a.m.

Another two thumbs up goes to Jose DeLeon '97 of the football team. DeLeon received the New England Division II and III Golden Helmet Award (player of the week) for his performance last Saturday against Curry College. Meanwhile, the football team remained ranked 16th in New England.

The women's volleyball team, ranked third in New England with a 16-4 record, is at the Hall of Fame Classic all weekend. They follow up this road trip with a home match versus UMass-Lowell on Tuesday at 7 p.m.. Good luck to the lady spikers.

Vix Picks

MIT 30, Nichols 0: Howard Johnson, Paul Gray '54, and Chuck Vest incite crowd as they peel off their shirts to reveal "M-I-T" painted on chests. Boston College 35, Army 14: Rumors of a standing room only crowd are "completely unfounded," explains Coach "Turn your head and" Coughlin. Boston University 42, Rhode Island 27: Terriers are a better football team, but Rams are better partiers.

Patsies 10, Doves 7: Thoughts of going to Hartford inspire Patsies to upset, as they hope to make team attractive to a Boston bidder. Bills 24, J-E-T-S 23: After building up 23 point lead, Jets fold in second half as team leaves stadium to catch rerun of the Fox made for television movie Jersey Girl. Oilers 27, Pussy Cats 7: In order to replace The Chevy Chase Show with something more humorous, Fox plans to show clips of Cincinnati Bengal personnel pretending to be football players. Fish 20, Colts 10: Indy players show up to game by parachuting from overhead jet, as they don't want to be driving rental cars around in Little Havana. Saints 34, Pigeons 17: Atlanta players imitate scene from Disney's movie, The Program, and lie down on field to see how many of the Saints players will run by them. Niners 26, Bishops 0: Phoenix players too upset over the Beavis and Butthead controversy to play game. Instead, they spend the day watching old tapes of the Boys. Bears 7, Norwegian Americans 6: Newly acquired running back Tim Worley barely gets his nose past line to make the winning score.

Last Week: 6-3. Season to date: 34-16.

Rumblings From the 'Tute

Alex Tapia '96 sends us: "The only team to win six American League titles since then are the Oakland Athletics. They won in the early 70s with Reggie Jackson and then who could forget them going three straight years to the World Series, lost against Los Angeles, beaten by San Francisco, and lost against Cincinnati. They also won the pennant last year only to lose to Toronto. In all the As have been a very successful ball club since the date you requested."

From Al Ramsey G: "Take it easy on us Californians, it's bad enough that Cal lost the way it did. I guess the only thing us Californian sports fan have to look forward is the Stanley Cup chase from those Mighty Ducks!"