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Let's Argue Returns with College Football Picks

Column by Mike Duffy
and Andrew Heitner

Sports Columnists

Greetings to our faithful readers. After spending June at the World Cricket Championships here in Rio -- a hearty Let's Argue two thumbs up to the pina coladas made by Roni DeSilva down at Pirate's Cove on Ipanema Beach -- we returned stateside for a successful run on the banquet and lecture circuit. Now, 50 pounds heavier but thousands of dollars richer, we have made it back to the place we call mecca: MIT.

Before presenting our college football preview, we offer our thoughts on tonight's Chavez-Whitaker fight down in San Antonio, Tex. home of Taco Bueno. Whitaker is already talking of running from Chavez -- as a game plan. He better have a good pair of Shaq Attaq's on (hope his shoe size is less than 15) and a pillow on the back of his head because Pernell will be on the canvas more than once. Chavez is hungry for more big money fights (see Terry Norris) and a 100-0 record. Lou Duva goes 0-3 versus the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world. Chavez won't disappoint his many fans in the Alamodome, as he KO's Sweat Pea in 10.

Rutgers backup quarterback Brian Fortay has redefined the term "whiner." When poor Brian was unable to secure a starting position down in New Brunswick (a.k.a. Quarterback U.), he filed a lawsuit against the University of Miami, claiming that it hindered his crack at the NFL. Fortay says that former coach Jimmy Johnson promised this blue chip recruit the starting quarterback job at Miami if he went there. But "Papa" Gino Torretta beat him out, and Fortay went to the Scarlet Knights. Now Fortay rides the pines and blames Johnson for this. Hmm, it couldn't be because you're awful, huh buddy?

The commies who run the NCAA are at it again. Not only are they requiring players who have too much blood on their uniforms to change them, thus forcing the grittiest linemen to sit out some plays, but they have also outlawed your humble scribes' favorite play, the fumblerooski. If the officials have too difficult a time following the pigskin on this play, maybe they should move on to championship Connect Four. Please do not change the rules, though, just to accommodate the zebras.

Lastly, we state publicly that Coach Johnny Majors got the shaft (he didn't even want the elevator) from the University of Tennessee. With all the coaches in Division I jumping ship when a better job offer comes along, it's a shame to see a loyal and classy guy get dumped after a couple of losses. Majors returns to Pittsburgh to try and resurrect a program he once brought to the national limelight. Good luck, coach.

Games to Mark on Your Calendars

1. Miami at Florida St., Oct. 9

2. Florida State at Notre Dame, Nov. 13

3. Notre Dame at Michigan, Sept. 11

4. Syracuse at Miami, Oct. 23

5. Florida State at Florida, Nov. 27

Toughest Schedules

1. Florida State

2. Notre Dame

3. Michigan State

4. USC

5. (tie) Colorado

Stanford

Top Ten Team Nicknames

1. Virginia Tech Gobblers (listed in media guide along with Hokies)

2. Hofstra Flying Dutchmen

3. Western Illinois Leathernecks

4. (tie) North Arizona Lumberjacks (petrified logs, we presume)

Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks

6. S.W. Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns

7. Canisius Golden Griffins

8. Mississippi Valley Delta Devils

9. Kent Golden Flashes

10. Delaware Fightin' Blue Hens

Sunshine's All-Name Team

1. J.J. Joe, QB, Baylor

2. Paul Uppole, RB, Georgetown

3. Pat Goodwillie, LB, UPenn

4. Spike Dykes, Coach, Texas Tech

5. John Bobo, Coach, Arkansas State

6. Jesse James, OL, Mississippi State

7. Chris Cross, WR, Oregon State

8. Carlester Crumpler, TE, East Carolina

9. Stacy Seegars, OL, Clemson

10. Steve Booze, WR, Mississippi Valley

Pre-Season Players to Watch

Offense

1. Marshall Faulk, RB, San Diego St.

2. Tyrone Wheatley, RB, Michigan

3. Calvin Jones, RB, Nebraska

4. Charlie Ward, QB, Florida State

5. (tie) Marvin Graves, QB, Syracuse

Neil Best, OT, MIT

Defense

1. Rob Waldrop, DL, Arizona

2. Aaron Glenn, DB, Texas A&M

3. Willie McGinest, DL, USC

4. Ron Woolfork, DL, Colorado

5. Antonio Langham, DB, Alabama

Sack's Sleeper Teams

1. Wisconsin

2. Fresno State

3. Texas

4. North Carolina

5. Vanderbilt

Menudo's Top 5

1. Florida State

2. Michigan

3. Miami

4. Alabama

5. Syracuse

You Heard it Here First

Look for Oklahoma coach Gary Gibbs to be canned at the end of another un-Sooner like season and to be replaced by Mississippi State coach Jackie Sherril.

Where Are They Now

Former Heismann Trohpy Winners: George Rogers, John Capelletti, Archie Griffin, Hopalong Cassidy, Charles White, Earl Campbell, Pat Sullivan, Billy Sims.

Trivia Question of the Week

Brigham Young has scored in 226 consecutive games, longest in the nation. What team owns the 2nd longest streak at 142 games (hint: they were last shut out in 1980 by Baylor 16-0)? Send answers, comments, and votes for your favorite late-night talk show host (votes for Rush Limbaugh will not even be acknowledged), along with your college top five (we'll publish one fan's list every week) to sports@the-tech.

Answer to last term's question:

The New York Yankees. Kudos to Brad Elder '97 and Mike Miller '95 who got it right. They win The Tech's backstage press passes to The Chevy Chase show.

Globe Gem of the Week

This term's inaugural gem goes to fan favorite Bob Ryan, who finally got around to reading the back issues of Let's Argue and copying our pre-season selection of Frank Thomas as AL MVP.

MIT TWIB Notes

Look for Brian "BVD" DiVasta '95 and "Dukin'<\f>" Dave Lockwood '96 to lead the men's varsity soccer team to an over .500 record and its first post-season berth in recent history.

Vix Picks

MIT 19, Salve Regina 6: U.N. Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali leads members of the economic summit and capacity MIT crowd in the wave, sparking the Beavers to victory. Lions 27, Patsie 17: After Pats defense gives up 3 TD's in first quarter, Parcells runs to car phone to call Lou Gorman about the availability of Mo Vaughn for linebacker. Skins 32, Bishops 18: Skins looked tough Monday night; Bishops get bopped. Fish 30 ,Jets 20: J-E-T-S will L-O-S-E. Boys 28 Bills 27: Buffalo's tune-up game versus Patsies doesn't help much. Owner Jones may need to pony up the dough to bring EmMIT Smith back in order for Dallas to repeat. Fudge 24, Speagles 13: Reggie White performs last rites on Randall Cunningham. His sack dances make us wonder if he's trying out for the "Whoof, There It Is" video. Norwegian-Americans 17, Bears 13: McMahon dusts off Rozelle headband and tapes of Super Bowl Shuffle in leading Minnesota to victory. Pussy Cats 10, Colts 9 Corporal Klingler leads Cincy past Indy in this snooze. Raiders 16, Doves 0: Seattle scored 12 points last week, thereby using up this week's allotment. Steelers 31, Lambs 9 Pittsburgh coach and Fantasy Island fan Bill Cowher exhorts his team to victory with rousing "Win one for Herve" halftime speech. Niners 31, Browns 24: Dan Dierdorf dreading follow-up interview with ABC's Superboy. Dan hopes the new Clark Kent will at least bring the new Lois with him.