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America3 Captain Returns to Institute

By Mike Duffy

and Andrew Heitner

Sports Columnists

The First Year, due out in paperback late this summer). We'll officially wrap up the school year with the commencement edition, but will return in September with a new crack staff, guaranteed to keep you immersed in laughter throughout the otherwise mundane school year. Remember, if you have access to e-mail over the summer, send fresh insights to sports<\@>the-tech, where our top-notch secretaries will have them filed and fowarded to us on the beaches of Rio...

For those of you who don't follow the sailing box scores, an MIT alum, Bill Koch `62, won the 1992 America's Cup. His technologically superior America3 yacht defeated Dennis Conner's Stars and Stripes boat to earn the right to crush a pushover Italian team in the finals. Not only is Koch an outstanding sailor, but he was also a star basketball player on the MIT teams of the late '50's that posted the best pre-1988 records in school history. He has generously supported both the sailing and basketball teams throughout the years, including sponsoring the Koch Classic hoops tourney, which ended in the mid-80's. He has also purchased new dinghys for all the Koch wannabe's on the sailing squad, which has been spearheaded for the last 5 years by the irrepressible Michael "Pookie" Bowers '92. For all his support of MIT athletics, we give him a big Let's Argue "Two Thumbs Up." When hobnobbing with your humble scribes last Friday, The Captain commented on how he reads this column religiously. He said, "It is great to be back at MIT again, and it is an honor to finally meet you two clowns. By the way, I always go with Vix Picks..."

While it's still too early to lay money on The Picks, Koch and the rest of the MIT community should be able to pick up some spare change from the "Sham and the Glory" fights tomorrow night. The biggest sham of the night will come when Lennox Lewis is introduced as the heavyweight champion, a moniker he allegedly earned when Riddick Bowe was smart enough to throw the WBC belt in a garbage can. However, Lewis is a decent fighter, much better than the hyped-up Tony Tucker, and he is due to make too much money next fall fighting fellow Limey Frank "Prof. Michael" Bruno for the fight gods to allow him to lose. Tucker will hurt him, but won't be able to put him away. Lewis in 8.

Julio Cesar Chavez, fresh off a drubbing of Greg Haugen in February, is also due for some big money fights in the future, the best of which would be versus Terry Norris if they can ever decide on a fair weight. Chavez retains our vote for "Best Fighter in the World" with an impressive victory over Terrence Alli by decision. Julian Jackson, a great fighter who has managed to avoid recognition because there is no one in the middleweight division to challenge him, could get an easy money fight in the future by fighting big-name Vinnie Pazienza. In the meantime, he'll dispose of the trash he's in the ring against in 3 rounds...

For the two of you out there who care, the Preakness is being run this Saturday. We'll have the caviar and champagne out, pulling for Grand "Family" Jewel, our outside shot to win...

There is no better indication of Gary Bettman's desire to launch the NHL into prime-time respectability than his decision to suspend Dale Hunter for 21 games next season (a quarterof the season) and fine the Washington Capitals $150,000. After Pierre Turgeon scored the winning goal in the Caps-Islanders series-clinching game, Hunter landed a blow on the unsuspecting Turgeon that would make Kermit Washington green with envy. Not only was it a cheap shot, but Turgeon separated a shoulder in the incident, and the Islanders lost their best player for the rest of the playoffs, just before having to take on the Pittsburgh Penguins. Your humble scribes agree with ESPN's Bill "No" Clement, who said that Hunter should also sit out all six of the Capitals' games with the Isles. Turgeon should only be lucky that there were no Steffi Graf fans on the Washington bench...

Before we go to our features, we wish the best to Reggie Lewis and his family. The Celts' captain is a class act, and deserves his health and a long basketball career...

Bonehead play of the week

To Serbian basketball player Slobodan "Wierd Al" Jankovic who broke his neck when he slammed his head against a concrete block in anger after fouling out of the semifinals of the Greek championships...

Bermanisms of the week

Kirby "Union Gap" Puckett, John "Teenage" Wetteland, Rick "See You Later" Aguilera, Steve "Short Order" Cooke, Chuck "New Kids on" Knoblauch, Julio "Won't You Let Me Take You on a Sea" Cruz, Dwight "Johnny B." Gooden, Harold "Growing" Baines, Todd "Good Housekeeping" Zeile, Randy "Quag" Meyer, Mark "Amazing" Grace, Atlee "If I Had A" Hammaker...

You heard it here first

Much to the delight of CAC foes, Brian "Big Daddy" Davison '95 will forego his final 2 years of eligibility at MIT and apply for the upcoming NBA draft...

Race for futility

The Flushing Story...

Where are they now

Former Chisox and Cubbies. Britt Burns, Ron "Ma and Pa" Kittle, Jack Knopf, Greg Luzinski, LaMarr Hoytt, Phil McRevice, Richard Dotson, Tom Paciorek, Norm Muskoch, Ron LeFlore, Gary Matthews, Brooke Hiemenn, Bob Dernier, Leon Durham, Hugh Wrechshun, Jody Davis, and Steve Trout...

Trivia question of the week

What team scored the most runs in a single season? Send answers, comments, and summer sports predictions to sports<\@>the-tech...

Answer to last week's question: Sandy Koufax, who wiffed 12 times in a row in 1955. Kudos to Bill Cowart G and Debbie Wallis '95, Josette Fullana '93, and Mari De La Rosa '94 of Leslie College who all got the correct answer. They all win copies of this week's Tech autographed by your humble scribes. Go to rooms 35-135A and 1-084 with a pen and The Tech for your autographs. (Sorry, but we are all out of the infamous Bay State College "Flying Through Finals" t-shirts)...

MIT TWIB notes

Two sport standout athlete Hyung Chang '95 had an assist in last week's 17-6 lacrosse drubbing over Bates College. Hyung continues to show his leadership on a team that has yet to recover from the loss of Ken Chay '91...

Kudos to the varsity women's sailing team, which has qualified for the national dinghy championships...

The varsity golf team, with 429 combined strokes, defeated Nichols (436), Brandeis (477), and Worcester State (478) on Monday...

Vix picks

Miami 38, Boston College 15. Coincidentally, score is exactly equal to Chestnut Hill City Council vote denying BC the ability to expand Alumni Stadium. Hurricanes' last had a two-game losing streak when Dexy's Midnight Runners topped the charts with "Come On Eileen"...Also, Bills 27, Patsies 10. Patsies promising season starts off with a flop, as most of the players were out late on the Rush Week Orange Tours through the bowels of the Institute. Drew Bledsoe shows up late to the game, because the fraternity he was rushing swore it was only a 10 minute walk to Slopborough Stadium...

Rumblings from around the 'Tute

Ken `Fixed or repaired' Dayley, George `Taco' Bell, Wally `Absorbine' Joyner, Ken `Over the' Hill, Ruben `High' Sierra, Roberto `Remember the' Alomar, and Felix `No way' Jose. I want to express my disapproval with your statement that Charles Barkley should be the MVP. In my opinion, the MVP should be Hakeem Olajuwon. Olajuwon is right behind Barkley in scoring, and he's in front in rebounds, blocked shots, and steals. The only category in which he is trailing Barkley is field goal percentage. Consider also that Barkley plays along with Majerle, K.Johnson, Chambers and Ainge; who does Olajuwon play with? Horry, Herrera, Thorpe and Smith. Is there any difference? I think so. What about if you look at the scoring list, after Olajuwon who is the next Rocket? Who is the next Sun? And last but not least if you take Barkley away, Phoenix still wins sometimes, but the Rockets can't win without Olajuwon, and this is what being the Most Valuable Player is all about.