Let's Argue -- All-Star Votes and Free Granola PizzaColumn by Mike Duffy
and Andrew Heitner
Two thumbs up to Pizza Hut and Golden State's Tim Hardaway. Pizza Hut has a promotion at selected Warrior home games in which fans are given coupons for free pizzas if the Warriors win and score at least 120 points. In what turned out to be a 118-97 blowout win over Miami last Thursday, the Warriors needed two points at the end of the game so that the locals could receive their free 'zas. Hardaway fouled a Heat scrub with 0.5 seconds left so that Golden State could get one last crack at 120. After the two Heat freebies, Hardaway received the in-bounds pass 70 feet from the basket and tossed in a 3 pointer. In a move that sent the Alameda Coliseum into a frenzy, the officials did not count the basket and then had to leave the arena with a police escort amidst a showering of Perrier, Napa Valley Vino, and tofu from fans yearning for granola and alfalfa sprout pizza. In order to prevent civil unrest, Pizza Hut officials said that they would "count" the basket and honor the promotional freebies. WE LOVE THIS GAME!!!
Speaking of lucky long-distance shots, why do football announcers insist that a field goal kicker should be able to hit a 60-yarder just because he hit a 70-yarder in practice? For example, during a Dolphins game a couple of weeks ago, ESPN's Mike Patrick noted that the Fish just needed to gain 10-15 yards to put field goal kicker Pete Stoyanovich into range (at 57 yards), since Stoyanovich has kicked a 71-yarder in practice. This is equivalent to a basketball announcer saying that because he saw a player throw in a 75-foot hook shot in practice that he is in a comfortable shooting range once he reaches half court...
The media always makes a big deal of how fans vote for All-Stars. Some of it may be justifiable. This year, Moses Malone (who has yet to play a game this season) is currently ahead of Robert Parrish and Pervis Ellison, while Mugsey Bogues ranks ahead of Joe Dumars and Reggie Lewis in current NBA All-Star voting. In the NHL, Wayne Gretzky (who also has not suited up this year) finished third in the voting for Campbell Conference centers. While these selections may seem insane, the fans pay to see the games and they should see the players they want. Meanwhile, the tabulations for Baseball's Hall of Fame voting have come in. Nineteen know-it-all scribes voted to put Bill Madlock into the Hall, while 29 voted for George Foster, 38 for Vada Pinson, 8 for Ron Cey, and 2 for Andre Thornton. Hmmm... Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, and Andre Thornton -- names that seem to just roll right off the tongue...
Ohio State running back Robert Smith is a big hypocrite. Before the start of the season, he looked to be a noble student-athlete who won an ideological victory over a University where Woody Hayes and Basket Weaving 101 reign supreme. To protest the lack of emphasis Coach John Cooper was putting on academics, Smith sat out the '91 football season after a record-setting freshman year. Now, however, Smith is declaring himself eligible for the draft as a junior. We guess priorities can be re-evaluated when $1 million is staring you in the face...
Look for Oscar De La Hoya to be the '90s version of a young Roberto Duran. De La Hoya has too much power for anybody in the Lightweight division, as evidenced by the fact that he has destroyed 3 opponents in 8 minutes of pro boxing. The only American gold medal boxer in Barcelona will milk the lightweight ranks for as many big pay days as possible before moving up to tougher opponents in the Welterweight division.
With its television contract up for renewal, Major League Baseball is looking for ways to make its games more attractive to the networks, as well as shake up the sport and bring its popularity back to the level of the NBA. One proposal that has been batted about is expansion and realignment. We suggest the following 3-division format (with the three division winners and a wild card emerging from interleague play and entering the playoffs): EAST: Montreal, Toronto, Mets, Yankees, Boston, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Atlanta, Florida, and Tampa-St. Pete (expansion team). HEARTLAND: Detroit, Milwaukee, Cubs, White Sox, Minnesota, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Memphis (expansion team). WEST: Los Angeles, California, Oakland, San Francisco, San Diego, Colorado, Texas, Houston, and Kansas City.
You Heard It Here First
Look for Washington Redskins defensive coordinator Richie Pettibone to return to the Windy City as the new Bears coach...
With the new labor agreement signed and delivered, the NFL will expand in 1994 by awarding new franchises to St. Louis and Charlotte...
Race For Futility
Ottawa Senators: 4-37-3
Dallas Mavericks: 2-26
The Senators win total is one more than the number of Amy Fisher movies made (and this is because there are only three major networks), while Doug DeCinces got as many votes for the Hall as the Mavs have victories...
Mundango's Hueso de la Semana
Vai Sikahema for catching Lin Elliot's kickoff bound for the sidelines with 45 seconds left in the first half of the Cowpokes-Speagles game on Sunday. He caught the ball, returned it 10 yards, and then promptly fumbled, leading to a Cowpoke field goal and 17-3 half time lead...
Simson's Top 5
Trivia Question of the Week
The 'Skins or 'Niners have participated in every NFC Championship game since 1981 but one. Can you name these two opponents and the year. Send answers to firstname.lastname@example.org
Answer to last week's question: The Patsies, who beat the Jets, Raiders, and Fish en route to a 46-10 spanking at the hands of Da Bears. Kudos to Daniel Schwartz '93, Upendra Shardanand '93, Brian J Christensen '94, Eric Amundsen '94, and Keith Whalen '96, who all got it right (P.S. The '80 Raiders only won two on the road). All our winners receive a free subscription to The Tech for the spring semester.
MIT TWIB Notes
The men's basketball team has fallen to 2-7 after being hosed by Coast Guard on Saturday, 82-57. The Engineers are led by freshman center Keith Whalen (18 ppg) and sophomore guard Diamond Caruthers (13 ppg). Come cheer on the locals at their next home game on Thursday at 7:30 p.m. in The Cage...
In track news, MIT played host to the Beaver Relays on Sunday at the Howard Johnson Athletic Center. Injured Bo "Hurdler" Light received a perfect 10 from the judges for his role as assistant at the high jump area...
'Pokes 24, 'Niners 23: Head groundskeeper for the IBM OS/2 Fiesta Bowl brought in to "work with" shoddy turf at Candlestick Park this week. Four players sink knee-deep into ground, though, during pre-game calisthenics. Bill Parcells rumored to be next in line for the job. Troy Aikman rolls left and spots Jay Novacek in the end zone for the game-winning TD with 10 seconds left in this thriller... Fish 27, Bills 17: Jim Kelly set to return to lineup for Bills, but injures his arm throwing a bottle of Diet Coke in a commercial. Frank "Rise and Fall of the Third" Reich loses his magic touch, as Lewis "Food, Glorious Food" Oliver picks him off twice. To the amazement of your humble scribes, Pete Stoyanovich actually hits a 71-yarder at the end of first half to give Miami momentum for the victory.
Last Week (including Bowl games): 9-3. Season Record: 42-19.