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Revelations from The Secret Files of MIT's Campus Police

Column by Matthew H. Hersch

Opinion Editor

Like you, friends and schoolmates, I was deeply troubled by the vicious assault of yet another MIT student near Memorial Drive only a week ago. But my distress was eased by the revelation by Campus Police Chief Anne P. Glavin that Killian Court, the site of the last attack, was no longer considered to be "on campus," only loosely skirting its frontiers ["Woman Assaulted in Killian Court," Oct. 30].

What could I have been thinking?

Ironically, with the increase in violent crime on campus, the boundaries of this fine institution seem to be gradually shrinking, to the point where such facilities as Hayden Library are no longer within the bounds of protection afforded by the Campus Donut Patrol. This is no doubt due to some bizarre relativistic effect associated with the earth's rotation. Still, though, scientists, students, and the growing horde of disgruntled, tuition-paying parents are baffled.

The changes in security commitments are no doubt confusing to many, so I have taken it upon myself, at great personal risk, to steal from the Campus Police situation room the following yet-to-be published map denoting campus zones in the Greater Cambridge area. Please note the careful delineation of frontiers, remember to wear your bullet proof vest, and for God's sake, be careful out there.