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Let's Argue

By Mike Duffy
and Andrew Heitner

SPorts columnists

The recent passing of legendary Brooklyn Dodgers announcer Red Barber, coinciding in an untimely fashion with the Fall Classic, inevitably brings forth comparisons between those old-time announcers, such as Barber and disciples Ernie Harwell and Vin Scully, who were raised in an era of radio, and today's announcers who do the games on TV.

Take, for instance, Sean McDonough, one of the game's better announcers, who presented viewers with unnecessary trivia ("...the first homerun/stolen base/cup adjustment, etc. in the World Series outside the U.S....") and shameless product endorsements ("Budweiser home run," "Rolaids save") throughout the Series.

Contrast that performance with the way the old-timers naturally enhanced games with their simple, yet colorful descriptions (Barber's "...high in the catbird seat," "...peas in a pod," and "F.O.B"). Here's hoping Bob Costas, the only modern-day equivalent to the old-timers (no offense to Brent "Hoya" Mussburger), gets to resume doing baseball next summer...

Your humble scribes, always in search of the inside dirt, spent Wednesday afternoon helping the Celtics run a clinic at the Garden for kids ages 5-15. In an age of Jose "Card Show" Canseco and Rickey "1-900" Henderson, it was nice to see the likes of Robert Parrish, Dee Brown, Ed Pickney, the X-Man, Joe Klein, Dave Cowens, Chris Ford, and M.L. Carr take time out to teach youngsters the fundamentals...

Speaking of Celtics and greed, what's going through the mind of Jon "Dingle" Barry in holding out from Celtics camp for more money? Though he is the son of Hall of Famer Rick Barry, he was the 21st pick in the draft and was taken as a shooting guard, even though he hit but 42% from the floor in college and the Celtics have Reggie Lewis, Dee Brown, and Rick Fox to play the 2-spot ahead of him. He should have learned from another Georgia Tech star, Kenny "Franchise" Anderson, and gotten to training camp early so he could learn the Celtics system. There may be a spot for Dingle in the New Zealand League (he can ask Lloyd Daniels for travel vouchers)...

Rounding out our Cy Young ballot with the NL:

1. Tom Glavine, Atlanta

2. Greg Maddux, Chicago

3. Jeff "Tape Measure" Reardon, Atlanta

Erratum: From last week's ballot, the correct spelling is Matt "Sigh" Young. Thanks to the many eagle-eyed readers who pointed this out...

It was reported here last week that the Rams have lost their last 11 coin flips, dating back to the pre-season. In their week off, Coach Chuck Knox secretly brought in Sloan School statistician Roy Welsch to devise a strategy for making the correct call this week versus the Falcons in the Georgia Dome. Apparently, the variables to be considered include the number of: Cokes drank by Jimmy Carter, sports played by Deion Sanders that day, upside-down Canadian flags flown, and tomahawk chops done by Jane "Hippiecritical" Fonda...

Speaking of chops, it is unfortunate that Blue Jay and Steeler players were using this and other hand motions to taunt opposing fans in Atlanta and KC. It's bad enough that the fans partake in such a childish and offensive gesture; professional athletes shouldn't encourage its use also...

Critics can say all they want about the flagrant disregard for academia Jerry Tarkanian displayed while at UNLV (we certainly will), but they can't deny his compassion towards fellow human beings, especially those who will help him win big games. While the other NBA coaches let Lloyd "Sweat Pea" Daniels wallow in the WBL, GBL, and New Zealand league, "The Shark" brought the former New York playground star to the San Antonio Spurs (albeit at a lower salary than he would have paid him at UNLV). Jokes aside, we hope the kid has put his problems behind him and performs well down in the Lone Star State...

Race for Futility

Patsies: 80 (11.4 ppg)

'Doves: 53 (6.6 ppg)

The NHL's Pittsburgh Penguins in 10 games have scored 56 points, three more than the run-and-stumble offense of Seattle. The NFL mercifully gives the 'Doves this week off so their average won't go down...

Where Are They Now?

USFL Teams

Memphis Showboats, Michigan Panthers, Washington Federals, San Antonio Gunslingers, Arizona Wranglers, Denver Gold, Birmingham Stallions, Pittsburgh Maulers, Chicago Blitz, Jacksonville Bulls, and Boston/New Orleans/Portland Breakers...

Trivia Question of the Week

Name the only 3 champions of the USFL, their QB, and their coach. Send answers to sports@the-tech.mit.edu.

Last week's answer: The Patsies beat the Jets 6-3 in Week 16 of the 1991 season for their last regular season win. Kudos to Ted Bottimer G, who gave the only correct answer...

MIT TWIB Notes

Arriba, Arriba! to the men's water polo team, who won the New England Division III Championship last weekend. The Beavers administered a spanking to the Lord Jeffs of Amherst College. The team plays this weekend in a Division I tourney at Brown University as a tune-up for the Division III Eastern Regional Tournament at Washington and Lee College in Virginia...

The men's cross country team has shot up to the number three ranking in New England Division III.

Led by field generals Sue Scruggs '93 and Gwen Watanabe '93, the women's varsity soccer team has produced the best record in their long and storied history. The Lady Beavers have stuffed opponent after opponent en route to 6 shutouts (including their final 2 games) and a 12-4 regular season record. The offensive punch has been provided by prolific scorer Chantal Wright '95, who is second in the conference in scoring...

VIX Picks

MIT 7, UMass-Boston 3: Si no lo han notado, MIT es nuestro favorito cada semana... Notre Dame 42, Navy 3: Lou Holtz so effective last week with headlock on referee, he tries the flying drop kick, hammer lock, and camel clutch this week... Washington 28, Stanford 24: Tension and stress in Stanford players is evident as date looms near for matchup with MIT in Brain Bowl I, spawned from inflammatory comments by Tech Coach Dwight Smith in ABC interview... Bills 26, Patsies 11: Owner Ortwein looks for new city to ship Pats to after St. Louis, Bismarck, and Utica all decline... Chargers 30, Colts 20: Colts' Emtman still running for goal line in Miami, as Lightningbolts take second half of this unorthodox home-home series... Norwegian-Americans 20, Bears 16: Bears eagerly anticipating spankings from Madonna if they don't "Rock the Vote"...

Last week: 3-2 Season: 14-7

Send all comments, questions, or unusual statistics to sports@the-tech.mit.edu or to The Tech's office.