Gaggle cops 110th Managing Board of The Tech
Special to The Tech
Perhaps the greatest surprise of this year's Tech elections was the stream of invective which spilled from the lips of outgoing editor in chief Niraj "No one speaks for the coalition" Desai '90. (The preceding characterization, in fact, is remarkable in that Mr. Desai has never before been called "outgoing.") Normally a reticent individual, Mr. Desai busted out in rhyme following the elections, marking the first incidence of rapping in all his 21 years.
The position of chairman was awarded after 90 minutes of wrangling to Socialist Party candidate Debby ``Good guys wear black -- where's Adam?" Levinson '91. Spake Mr. Desai, "The pinko girl was looking fine/I think I'll spank her red behind [in a congratulatory gesture]." Ms. Levinson, distressingly, was unable to bust back as her mouth was full of Cheetos.
The vacancy left by the completion of Mr. Desai's term fell to Prabhat "Housing traitor" Mehta '91. Mr. Desai bade the editor in chief-elect a hearty hello, in his inimitable style: "Buoyspelled buoy, you've got/big shoes to fill/you got to work/no time to chill." Mr. Mehta's retaliatory bust: "I may be young/I may be bad/but now you're gone/egad!"
The business manager for Volume 110 will be Russell "Pay us or else" Wilcox, also '91. Mr. Russell just completed his three year sentence at Ossining, where he was requested to take an extended vacation after bludgeoning to death the holder of a delinquent account, using a tackling dummy. Mr. Desai declined to comment.
Marie E. V. "Extra Virgin" Coppola '90 was hand-picked to be next year's managing editor. A longtime friend of Mr. Desai's (as well as a member in good standing of his posse), Ms. Coppola inspired the following rap: "Marie's got class/a ring of brass/she's a hell of a lass/with a really fine butt." Ms. Coppola blushed Crimson.
The Volume 109 news staff all found respectable homes for the coming annum. Ex-news-editor Linda "Guess where I'm from?" D'Angelo '90 is to fill the mysterious position of executive editor. Said Mr. Desai, "I'm sorry/I don't know what the executive editor/does."
Ms. D'Angelo's ex-partner
in crime, Annabelle "Metal-Woman" Boyd '90, was content simply to remain a news editor. A small elevation in status befell Andrea "Hair out to there" Lamberti, who dropped the word "associate" from her title to become news editor number two. Rounding out the Volume 110 news team is Reuven "Nermal is great!" Lerner '92, who doesn't seriously think that of Nermal. Mr. Desai: "If Annabelle's the queen of news/then Reuven is the king/if Andrea had longer hair/it would touch the ceiling."
Production took one step closer to utter perversion with the election to night editor of Dan "Co-ed naked prod" Sidney G. Nudity is not unknown to Mr. Sidney in particular and the prod shop in general. Mr. Sidney is following the bare-back production tradition begun in 1985 by Ezra "The pay sucks" Peisach '89, who became production manager at the meeting. Said Mr. Desai, "I used to think/that prod was what/your doctor did/to check your bum."
The opinion staff, reeling in anticipation of the departures of Michael "The Slasher" Gojer '91 and Adam "Stud Muffin" Braff '91, will fall into the capable hands of Michael "Not kosher for Passover" Franklin '88. Mr. Desai thinks highly of Mr. Franklin, describing him as "the buoy who writes/with a pen of gold/he may be tired/but he's got soul./Word."
Another soulful fellow, Shawn "The Vanilla Gorilla" Mastrian '91, was re-elected to the position of sports editor, a small upset despite the fact that he was running unopposed. Mr. Mastrian composed a preemptive bust, saying, "Yo, Niraj, buoy/you got some nerve/your style is flat/while mine has verve." Mr. Desai responded: "You think you're bad/your back is hairy/you looked up verve/in a dictionary."
Having failed in attempts to gain each of the preceding ten positions, Peter "More positions, please" Dunn G, was given the unenviable job of arts editor. Mulling over the correctness of throwing a bone thus to such a valuable ex-chairman (ex-everything, in fact), Mr. Desai delivered his first apologetic rhyme: "Pedro is a Tech man's dream/he's peachy fresh and cold-chill cream."
Speaking of the fuzzy fruit, one Kristine "Peach eater" AuYeung '91 was re-elected to the position of photography editor. Joining her is Lerothodi-Lapula "I talk with my pictures" Leeuw '92, making the jump from associate editor the year previous. Mr. Desai had nothing but kind words for the Volume 110 snapshooters: "I like Kristine/although she's mean --/my buoy triple-L/is fresh and swell."
Mark "Filling in for Lois" Haseltine '92 is, indeed, replacing the madwoman adwoman as Volume 110's advertising manager. Another long-time bizgnome, Genevieve "Put me out to pasture" Sparagna '90, unzipped her business suit and will be stepping into the uniform of senior editor in the coming year.
Finally, the five candidates for contributing editor were weeded down to a respectable five with the election of Jonathan "I'm older than my advisor" Richmond G, Irene "Where's my meal card?" Kuo '90, Lisette "Bill the Cat" Lambregts '90, Lois "We love you, Jake" Eaton '92, and the jam-master himself, Mr. Desai.
The meeting lasted five steamy hours, after which the victorious candidates and the losers alike sat down to dinner just in time to see Paul "Neckless" Gray '54 -- a former Tech staffer -- dining three tables away in a local greasy spoon. Although the food was scrumptious, the lame duck editor in chief apparently felt it was not good enough to merit five hours of quibbling in a
hot room. Quoth Mr. Desai, "Nevermore."