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At the Movies- Jewel of the Nile

The Jewel of the Nile, starring Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner and Danny DeVito. Opening at Sack Cheri this weekend.

Corrado: My God! It was such a stupid movie. If it weren't for the fact that this review has to be written in twenty minutes I would look for better words to describe it; like "insipid" perhaps...

Allison: Oh come on, it wasn't that bad...

C: YES IT WAS! I was completely disappointed, as I had quite enjoyed Romancing The Stone, the predecessor to this pathetic sequel.

A: You are always disappointed unless you are faced with some high and mighty avant-garde film from some obscure foreign country. This film had a little of everything for everybody. You are not going to tell me that you did not enjoy watching Kathleen Turner! I sure liked Michael Douglas ... and besides, it was funny in parts. Danny DeVito for one, was an amusing little guy that seemed to get into an awful lot of trouble....

C: Can I say something? Thank-you. As far as Kathleen Turner goes, well she's pretty hellacious; but that's the problem, we don't really see enough of her. And for the rest of the film, it was infected with the usual virus of tritely uttered dialogue. Also Douglas, who produced the film, should have left the special effects to Spielberg. They left a lot to be desired.

A: OK I'll admit I saw this movie on four hours of sleep. But I still say it wasn't that bad.

C: Yes, it was THAT bad. Do you realize your responsibility as an Art critic?

A: Don't get Artsy with me....

C: Look ... by saying that this movie "was not that bad" some of the more gullible people on campus might actually venture into the experience. I feel it is my duty to warn them...

A: And the music swells behind him.... Yes, it is the Star Spangled Banner -- No. It's the Italian National Anthem; or should I say the theme from Rocky?

C: You foreigners have just no conception of cinematic aesthetism?

A: Cinematic what? Let's talk movies. It had a little bit of romance, lots of violence, lots of religious fervour and enough exotic locations to fill a Harlequin Romance series. It was OK if you didn't feel like thinking.

C: PSSST! What she is really trying to say is that the term's work load has reduced her brain to artichoke shreddings. The film's stylized choreography from scene to scene provided no perceivable form of escapism. On the contrary I could not wait to flee from my seat. But my common decency kept me from creating a scene.

A: How truly noble. Corrado you don't know any thing. It wasn't a 10 but I'd give it at least a six.

C: Don't trust her. That's the last time I take her out to the cinema.

A: You never paid ...|c#@@#|c&|c%!!!

Allison Druin->

Corrado Giambalvo->