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Articles by Mark Wittels

November 4, 2011
I have been informed by one of my simpering, sycophantic servants that “the people,” as the serfs of this principality laughingly refer to themselves, have recently risen in protest. On every corner of New York City, it seems, one cannot so much as raise one’s head from the velvet embrace of a gilded palanquin without being accosted by the stench of these ne’er-do-wells and their grade-school Marxism, each clawing for a sip of the proverbial chocolate milk. Fie, I say, this is my milk, and no discount baseball card or pennywhistle shall convince me otherwise!
August 4, 2010
Legislation banning face veils from public, passed by the lower house of the French Parliament, is a sadly misguided attempt to maintain national identity. In reality, it promotes only xenophobia and religious discrimination.
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