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Gaggle cops 131st Tech Managing Board elections

’Twas the fifth of December and all through the chambers,

The place was filled high with Board Tech members.

Who should we choose, they wanted to know,

To be the next kids in charge of this show?

The paper runs smoothly from day to day,

Who has the good qualities to keep it that way?

The battles were strong,

The hours were long,

And some very tough calls were made.

But at the end of the day,

We all walked away,

Thinking all we had done was not wrong.

Joseph “You didn’t almost kill me” Maurer ’12 took a valiant stand,

And the board saw fit to make him the Chairman.

Ethan “What’s News?” Solomon ’12 also came from opinion,

And as Editor in Chief completed their dominion.

Connor “Squash” Kirschbaum ’13 through secret pacts became Managing Editor,

The man loves his Purell, and is a hardcore redditor.

Greg “Doesn’t embezzle on Saturdays” Steinbrecher ’12,

found some time away from setting the books to cook,

And was reelected to Business Manager,

Despite all the Shiksas he had took.

“It’s a whale spout, not a whale tail” said Aislyn Schalck ’13,

As she tried to convince the Board with her talk,

That it wasn’t as though she hated Production,

But felt she could do more with broader action,

So with many deliberations and over an hour,

The sophomore gained Executive Editor power.

Pearle “Supercute fox” Lipinski ’12 was peppered with questions,

About her classes, her history, her dedication,

But despite all the interrogations the board could muster,

Was elected by all to News and Features Director.

The rhymes have been terrible,

I hear you all cry,

But they’re about to get worse,

Despite how I try.

Elijah “I’m the Muslim one, not the Jewish one” Jordan Turner ’11 and Rob “Lightning” McQueen ’12,

Reclaimed their roles as two News Editors and to that they were keen.

And welcomed on Jessica “Is not dead” Pourian ’13 and Jingyun “Cho Chang” Fan ’13,

With the knowledge that the old generation left with a plan.

Ana “Yu Pu” Lyons ’12 had taken a break,

But her love of the paper she just could not shake,

So with many ideas and a few good teachers,

She came back to edit the Features.

With the elections of Sarah “You should elect me because I like pie” Ritter ’14 and Judy “Discipline, not abuse” Hsiang ’12 came a curious theme,

Why is Production run by the rugby team?

Thanks to Ryan “Check out the videos of me eating” Normandin ’13 and Nina “Come merge with me” Sinatra ’12, Opinion isn’t toast,

But let’s see how well they can handle Keith “it’s all my fault” Yost.

David “Incumbent” Zhu ’12 faced no competition,

But will have more help thanks to Shelley “my department!” Ackerman ’13,

As they cooperatively handle the issues on Sports,

From the pool to the track to the awesome squash courts.

Maggie “Lo-res” Liu ’12 also welcomed a co-editor,

Hoping Kathryn “Museum” Dere ’13 would make the Arts section more betterer.

Next up was Sam “Cooperate with my department” Range ’13,

With camera at his side,

And Jessica “I’m gonna fail” Liu ’13,

Who will continue to run the Photo department with pride.

And for Campus Life there was a curious change,

When Joanna “Loves prod” Kao ’13 chose to take up the reins

And chose to hold up the department with stamina,

Though she lacks the muscles to hold up a camera.

Moya “Likes ads more than people” Chin ’13 pledged to remain behind the BIZ office door,

She took Advertising Manager,

And committed herself to more

Writing giant notes to Steinbrecher.

Operations Manager was the next spot on the table,

And Jennifer “Taekwondo Master” Fong ’13 was readily available,

Though it left us all with the curious thought,

That Asian girls liked our Business department a lot.

Quentin “Sudo touch” Smith G, With one more semester,

Continued his reign as Technology Director.

Steve “I’m free!” Howland ’11 and Jeff “When can Ethan start?” Guo ’11,

Became Contributing Editors, though they were not alone.

Natasha “Go blog yourself” Plotkin ’11 and David “Doesn’t live here” Templeton ’08,

With Maggie “I’m super fast” Lloyd ’12 and Michael “Just cause” Lin ’11,

Made a total of six members in the somewhat ill-defined position.

Satwik “My hobby is collecting degrees” Seshasai G and Vibin “009 consumed my soul” Kundukulam ’11,

and Brian “just call me” Hemond G, and Sherry “3 day processing” Yan ’11,

Took up the Senior Editor blanket

And promised to do more than just show up for banquet.

Last but not least, the Advisory Board,

The mailing list junkies, the unstoppable hoard.

Two new members were added to the ranks:

Austin “Carrot dot carrot” Chu ’08 and Karen “Ms. Education” Arenson ’70, methinks.

And those who returned, well they are below,

But if you want decent rhymes you’d be best not to go.

Paul “No longer the oldest” Schindler ’74 and V. Michael “Awesome website” Bove ’83, Barry S. “Still in journalism” Surman ’84 and Robert E. “Don’t get sued” Malchman ’85, Deborah A. “Design expert” Levinson ’91 and Jonathan E.D. “J!” Richmond PhD ’91, and the LA Times expertise of Karen “Not the test” Kaplan ’93, Saul “Typography” Blumenthal ’98 and Frank “Not in journalism” Dabek ’00, Eric J. “Businessman” Cholankeril ’02 and Dan “Photojournalism master” Bersak ’02, Jordan “Across the pond” Rubin ’02 and Nathan “Still writing” Collins SM ’03, Keith “I’m coming back!” Winstein ’03 and Akshay R. “Smooth” Patil ’04, Tiffany “Actually showed up for her election” Dohzen ’06 and Beckett “Diplomat” Sterner ’06, Marissa Vogt ’06 and Michael McGraw-Herdeg ’08 are two pandas in a pod, Zachary “Lives adjacent to a bar” Ozer ’07 and Ricardo “as Drunk as Zach” Ramirez ’09, Omari “Vault his Pole” Stephens ’08 and Andrew “Drinks Coke, Works at Pepsi” Lukmann ’07, Marie Thibault ’08 and Angeline Wang ’09 gave their lives as past pre-med EICs, so did Nick “G&T” Semenkovich ’09, but not B.D. “Grey Beard” Colen.