I was recently talking to a male friend about sex and what-not — you know, the usual — when he told me that he would never kiss a girl who had just gone down on him.
Really? Really? I thought that kind of mentality was a thing of the past, along with shoulder pads and MC Hammer pants, but the distaste for cock is quite common. Apparently, some guys will request the dick-sucker brushes his or her teeth, or at the very least drinks a glass of water to flush the peen-ness out. Girls will let guys come in their mouth, only to spit it out right away. Since when is dick so gross?
I mean, let’s be quite objective for just a second: Dick certainly doesn’t taste good and jizz doesn’t taste like honey, contrary to what guys would love for us to think. But, as with many things in life, you have to just suck it up and do it, which is why I’m here to make a case for swallowing spooge.
Some girls will let the guy come in their mouth and then spit it out, but, as anybody who has tried that approach can tell you, it is not very practical. Taking it in your mouth only to spit it out right after is quite counterproductive: Trying to find a place to dispose of the evidence is harder than it seems, and you just end up running around with a mouthful of the cream while trying to locate the nearest bathroom. The fastest — not to mention politest — way to get rid of the taste is to swallow. As another friend puts it, “It’s not only good if a girl swallows, it’s also good manners.”
I can think of things grosser than jizz, like nacho cheese and ranch dressing (which make me wish I could douse my salad with spunk and dip my chips in a bowl of baby gravy). Anyway, semen is not some fine wine that’s meant to be swished around to be fully savored, so the taste, good or bad, is gone as fast as you can swallow. The one thing spooge and wine do have in common is that they are more of an acquired taste than anything. Neither tastes pleasant the first time around, of course, but in time you learn to tolerate the taste and even appreciate the nuances and variations in flavor. And for those of you with dietary concerns, do not fret: A teaspoon of the good stuff has about five to seven calories and is loaded with protein.
But if you’re still convinced that swallowing isn’t your thing, let me pose this question: Is there really anything better than the satisfaction of a job well done? The same way a semester’s worth of hard work is validated by getting an A, a mouthful of cum lets you know that all your hard work has paid off. (After all, they don’t call it a job for nothing, do they?) Coming in your mouth is like a guy’s way of high-fiving you, except with his dick instead of his hand, which is better anyway because everybody gets to slap his hand, but not everybody gets to suck his dick. I hope.
Now that I’ve got the fellas’ attention, I will turn my preaching to them for a hot second. A quick survey confirmed that my male friend was not alone and that more guys than I thought won’t touch lips with a girl after getting fellated, especially if they came. I can’t stress this enough: You need to kiss your partner after getting head. I don’t give a shit if you’re grossed out by it; I just made a fucking case for girls swallowing your load! It shows her you are comfortable with your body, and it’s also a nice way of thanking her for spending some time in your crotch. (A girl even told me she feels downright insulted when a guy refuses to kiss her after oral.) Think of it as a Pavlovian experiment: The more often you kiss her after oral, the more she will feel like it’s okay to go down on you. I think everybody wins there.
M. is a junior in Course 10 and, in case it wasn’t clear, she swallows. She can be reached at email@example.com.