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Last week, I met one of my good friends for lunch at a fancy restaurant, the kind where they hand you a steak knife for your burger, and she started talking about sex with her man-friend. She’s usually more reserved, so I was curious.

“He loves going down on me. He can do it for, like, forty minutes, without getting tired! And he’s really, really good at it, too,” she raved. You could just see it in her face, that every time this guy put his face between her legs was like Christmas morning to her.

“Oh, wow, I’m so happy for you!” I fake–smiled and bit on my burger angrily. Thanks to the cold sores and the mono a gorgeous but very questionable European guy shared with me, I’ve been out of the game for a month or so. I haven’t so much as kissed anybody, let alone been so close to having a guy’s face between my legs. To say that I was seething with envy would be an understatement.

I’d never felt like my sex life was lacking, but I realized there was a lot that I was missing out on; namely, a guy to treat me to dinner and some oral sex. Even before the European debacle, I wasn’t getting much in terms of dining and being eaten out. All this time, I viewed my conquests like a shelf of trophies, and realizing that they were less–than–stellar lovers because they never went down on me was, well, a let–down.

When I asked around, I seemed to be the only one with this problem. My friends in relationships are getting awesome oral on the regular from their pussy–worshipping lovers. And then the guys I talked to said they love doing it. I think I got a bad sample group, because my experience suggests that guys don’t offer it up so easily. I mean, where are these elusive cunnilingus–loving guys?

I met a guy some months ago whom I consider to be the finest thing Spain has exported since Manchego cheese. In addition to introducing me to some very exotic moves, he was the first guy brave enough to go where no other had been before, and boy, he did one fine job of it. But he disappeared like they usually do after a one–night stand and I was left high and dry, never able to recreate that magic. No other guy has gone down on me, not even when I ask nicely. They have been all too happy to let me work my jaw into premature arthritis by pleasing them orally, and then they don’t return the favor. In fact, one time I dared to ask that I be pleased in return, you know what he said?

“In a little bit, I’m tired.”

Really? You tell that to my locked jaw. There are other things I’d rather shove in my mouth than your penis. That effort should not go unappreciated and unrewarded.

I’m probably sleeping with all the wrong guys, but I don’t have a way of telling who eats pussy and who doesn’t before I actually get into bed with them. By that point, it’s too late. And, while I’m very assertive and ask for what I want, I’m not about to force guys to do it or start withholding blow jobs until they acquiesce. Sex isn’t supposed to be tit–for–tat.

I like to give blowjobs and don’t think of them as a chore. Getting my partner off gets me off, and if that requires putting my face in their crotch for 25 minutes and fishing pubes out of my mouth, I’ll take it like a champ. Guys should have the same attitude regarding us girls, especially given that a lot of girls can’t get off from fucking alone. If going down on her is what it takes to finish the job, then a selfless lover would bite the bullet (not literally, please) and do it. With a smile.

Surely, I am not the only girl out there who is very generous and not getting what she wants in return. It’d be nice if you just offered it every once in a while — or how about every time? — without us having to ask. Blowjobs are always expected during sex, but cunnilingus is seen more as a bonus, and that’s not fair. Girls like having a face in their crotch from time to time too, you know. And we don’t even have to do dinner. I have some cheese in the fridge.

M. is a junior in Course 10. She can be contacted at undress@tech.mit.edu.