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On December 7, 2009, The Tech took over the UA Senate chambers in W20-400 for these momentous affirmations of journalistic excellence.

Steve “at the moon” Howland ’11 was finally elevated from his earlier life as a “prod coolie” to lead the entire organization as Chairman.

Jeff “Glo!” Guo ’11 vanquished all competition long before the election and accepted the awe-inspiring mantle of Editor in Chief.

Greg “Hebrew Hammer” Steinbrecher ’12 has sold sufficient ads to be deemed worthy of managing the entire business department.

David M. “Dogfish Head” Templeton ’08 broke through the competition to lead the Production and Technology departments as Managing Editor, and did it all on the basis of his extensive experience acquired in zero nights of laying out the newspaper.

Natasha “OLPC” Plotkin ’11 abandoned her former role in the News Department for greater heights as our Executive Editor, leading with her poofy hair.

John A. “I still remember that paper plate” Hawkinson ’98, Pearle “Oysters aren’t the only way” Lipinski ’12, Ana “Don’t call me Anna” Lyons ’12, Robert “Baker” McQueen ’12 all committed to minding the business of news and ensuring The Tech identifies any Jayson Blairs long before they can be seen by anybody else.

With greater acceleration than anybody else, Connor “Squash is not a requirement for this position” Kirschbaum ’13 and Aislyn “Eyelash does too have a vowel!” Schalck ’13 became Production Editors.

With eloquent expression, Joseph “There’s a fire in East Campus!” Maurer ’12 and Ethan “Wise King” Solomon ’12 dedicated themselves to remain Opinion Editors.

With fast-moving action and quick-witted competition, David “Debate is a sport!” Zhu ’12 and Russell “I only dream about football” Spivak ’13 are our Sports Editors.

Recognizing that Arts and Cultures are two sides of the same coin, Maggie “Fashionista” Liu ’12 plans to paint the town red as Arts Editor.

Demonstrating that their vision is as true as their lenses long, Vibin “No one can pronounce my last name” Kundukulam ’11 and Jessica “Rock Climbing” Liu ’13 will dominate the V130 visual spectrum as Photography Editors.

Michael “Mr. T” T. Lin ’11 will continue to manage his most popular, most wild, and perhaps most read section, as Campus Life Editor.

Mark “Skateboard!” Thompson ’11 remains holed up in the business office, this time with Moya “Neck and Shoulders, too!” Chin ’13, serving as Advertising Managers.

Sherry “That was too expensive” Yan ’11 continues to keep our finances in order as Operations Manager.

Quentin “Q-DAWG!” Smith ’10 will lead our nice rack into the new decade as Technology Director.

After deciding that the executive board was too much punishment but they couldn’t actually go away, Austin “From the South” Chu G, Michael McGraw-“Hat-head”-Herdeg G, Nick “Shaq” Bushak ’10 will serve as Contributing Editors.

Because we’re too lame to revise our constitution, but felt their contributions were critical too miss out on, Monica “American Apparel” Gallegos ’11 and Robin “There’s a wolf on my head!” L. Dahan ’12 agreed to serve as Contributing Editors until such time as we actually created the illustrious position of Illustration Editors.

That department was rounded out by Caroline “It’s not about the singing” Huang ’10, also serving as a Contributing Editor.

Fearing they would leave us without a “senior moment,” we elected Charles “I like homemade scarves” Lin G, S. Balaji “Balz” Mani ’10, Andrea “freshman crush object” Robles ’10, Jessica “never finished Zelda: Twilight Princess” Witchley ’10, Arkajit “DANCE-OFF!” Dey ’11 in the capacity of Senior Editors.

It was also felt that a peanut gallery was required in The Tech’s managing board, and that could be be served by a group known as the Advisory “Adversary” Board, to wit: Paul E. “Indexing Project” Schindler, Jr. ’74, V. Michael “Junior” Bove ’83, Barry S. “Left the Times for the News?!” Surman ’84, Robert E. “Hired Gun” Malchman ’85 , Deborah A. “rudimentary smattering” Levinson ’91, Jonathan E. D. “and the fan club!” Richmond PhD ’91, Karen “LA Law” Kaplan ’93, Saul “Desknet” Blumenthal ’98, Frank “Visting Lecturer” Dabek ’00, Daniel Ryan “drb” Bersak ’02, Eric J. “The SuperOne” Cholankeril ’02, Jordan “the Jordan” Rubin ’02, Nathan “It’s a Junior University!” Collins SM ’03, Keith J. “Call me Ishmael” Winstein ’03 , Akshay R. “Smooth” Patil ’04, Tiffany “µSeattle” Dohzen ’06, Beckett W. “We have your Spiderman” Sterner ’06, Marissa “Still afraid of elevators” Vogt ’06, Andrew T. “It’s good to be president,” Lukmann ’07 , Zachary “once an evil overlord, always an evil overlord” Ozer ’07, Omari “blue moon” Stephens ’08, Marie Y. “garlic butter” Thibault ’08, and B(een there). D(one that). Colen.