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CORRECTION TO THIS ARTICLE:
The Daily Confusion published in Friday's Tech gave an incorrect date for the housemasters' welcome brunch. The event occurs on Sunday, August 30 at 12:30 p.m., not Saturday, August 29.

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Thursday,
August 27, 2009

12:00

12:00—Dormitory Council Housing Lottery Opens - Enter at http://web.mit.edu/housing/lottery/

Friday,
August 28, 2009

00:00

00:00—EAsT camPUS—Field trip to slice up mattresses on the Senior House loading dock! Come slice up mattresses with us at East Campus.

01:00

01:07—EAsT camPUS—If we had magic boobs we’d be better sluts than you. Come see our non-magic boobs at East Campus. PEW PEW PEW!

04:00

04:00—EAsT camPUS—Why should you come to East Campus? James wrote rawr.

05:00

05:02—EAsT camPUS—Come build a clap-activated sprinkler system for our friends in course 10.

07:00

07:00—EAsT camPUS—This issue of the Daily Confusion is going to keep our housemasters busy.

09:00

09:00—McCormick Hall—Welcome to McCormick! Enjoy snacks and tours of your new home away from home.

12:00

12:00—EAsT camPUS—If you’re easily offended, STOP READING NOW. Run away, save yourselves, fellate James.

13:00

13:00—La Maison Française—Mafia: The Mafia veut vous tuer.

13:00—Senior Haus—Experience the Object We Built! @ Senior Haus Courtyard. Don’t wear anything too...complicated. (All of REX)

13:00—EAsT camPUS—Are you worried about your child becoming sexually active in college? Drop them off at EC, and we’ll get that out of the way early.

13:00—EAsT camPUS—Come see how long it takes the grad students to notice that their volleyball has been dipped in cum.

13:30—Next House—Let Nexties show you around our dorm! Catch a glimpse of our impressive facilities and comfy lounges, and learn what makes residents of Next House bond like family!

14:00

14:00—Ashdown House—Dorm Tour: A tour guide will be waiting for you at the Student Center (with a big sign that says NW35) to take you to NW35, the newest dorm.

14:00—Senior Haus—TIRE SWING @ Senior Haus Courtyard. Come play on what we believe is the only tire swing on campus, and be taught by the Tire Swing Masters at the Haus. Don’t worry about embarrassing yourself. The squirrels don’t mind. I’ve asked them

15:00

15:00—EAsT camPUS—Are your parents gone yet? Want to freak them out? Come get your hair dyed at EC.

15:00—Senior Haus—HAUS TOURS @ Senior Haus Front Desk. Ever wondered what a “second asian sea” or a “fourth WAR” was? Wonder what a bunch of your favorite characters from your childhood look like in a massive ancient-Roman-style orgy? Drop by and find out now!

15:00—EAsT camPUS—It’s called the East Campus Courtyard, not the Course 10 Memorial Volleyball Court. Come tell assholes to get off our lawn.

15:17—Random Hall—Truffles: Come to Random Hall and make your own delicious chocolates! White chocolate with wasabi, dark chocolate with raspberry, milk chocolate with lemon and ginger... the possibilities are (nearly) endless!

16:00

16:00—Next House—Come explore Boston, with knowledgeable Nexties to guide you! Catch breathtaking views of Boston’s landmarks, and learn of all the hot spots for food, shopping and entertainment!

16:00—Ashdown House—Video and Board Games: We have Rock Band, Guitar Hero, Halo, as well as a variety of board games like Monopoly (Star Wars version, w00t), Scrabble, Equate (math version of Scrabble), Risk, etc. See if you can beat Dom, who is ranked online for Guitar Hero!

16:00—Senior Haus—VOYAGE TO THE PLAYGROUND @ Senior Haus Lobby. Relive your childhood – selectively. Go on an adventure with some of our prettiest and most handsome residents and swing your heart out on the bestest playground around.

16:30—Next House—What better way to cool off in the Boston summer heat than to have an all out water war? We’ll have hundreds of water balloons as well as dozens of water guns in our courtyard reserved for you to have an unforgettably refreshing time.

16:47—Random Hall—D&D One-Shots, Edition 3.5: Wanted: Bold adventurers to help rid a town of a marauding dragon. Not to defeat the dragon in combat, but to retrieve a long-lost artifact to banish it. Goblins. Ancient ruins. Rival factions. Magic items. Many-sided dice. Adventure awaits!

17:00

17:17—Random Hall—Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream: The best tasting ice cream we’ve ever made... in 30 seconds.

18:00

18:00—Senior Haus—Cooking With Niece Jemima @ Senior Haus 1st Floor Kitchen. Listen. Listen. Listen. LISTEN! Come get scolded, and cook. Then EAT FOR FREE.

18:00—EAsT camPUS—Why do alums think the assfuck twins are more offensive than last year’s Daily Confusion? Because your mother’s a whore!

18:17—Random Hall—Memes: In memoriam: Rickrolling, R.I.P. November 2008.

19:00

19:17—Random Hall—Haymarket Fever: FRUIT. NOT BEEF. EAT ANYWAY.

20:00

20:00—EAsT camPUS—Be careful when fucking narwhales; they tend to break condoms.

20:00—La Maison Française—Milkshakes, Smoothies and Cookies: Reposez-vous, mangez, buvez, et jouissez de la vie.

20:00—EAsT camPUS—Come find out how much you trust that that white stuff is mayonnaise at diner on 4th West.

20:17—Random Hall—Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Back Blog: With my freeze ray, I will stop- singing please? “the pain.” I’m covered in BEEEEEEEEEEES!

21:00

21:00—Next House—Come settle down in front Next House’s big screen TV and explore the world of Wall-E while enjoying milk and cookies.

21:00—EAsT camPUS—Contrary to popular belief, there is a student government worse than the UA.

21:00—Simmons Hall—Movie Night - We know REX hasn’t officially started yet, but we can’t help showing off our glorious ten foot movie screen and Bose surround sound. Come enjoy a movie marathon and see what it’s like to have a movie theater in your dorm! Movie snacks will be provided :)

21:00—Ashdown House—Mafia Night: The only time that you can kill your enemy and sleep with a stranger without consequences!

21:00—Senior Haus—Boycott The Film Industry @ Senior Haus Lobby. Brad Pitt can suck my sock. The film industry is run by heartless pigs, stealing our money and giving us nothing but sorrows and empty dreams in return.

21:17—Random Hall—3-D Twister: We wanted to do it in 4-D, but the Transdimensional Building Committee wouldn’t approve. 3 Boards, 3 Dimensions, 5242880 more ways to get tangled up.

21:47—Random Hall—Roofdeck Movies: Beautiful view, horrible films.

22:00

22:00—EAsT camPUS—Come see merry men reach around on the merry go round.

22:00—New House—Desmond Movie Night 1/5 (10 PM): Come watch “Robocop” with us in the New House 5 lounge!

22:47—Random Hall—Board Games: Monopoly? Not a chance. Come and play our smorgasbord of Betrayal at the Twilight Imperium Robo Rally Escaping from Zyzzlvaria with Munchkins and Ricochet Robots Scrabbling for Tickets to Ride the Zombie Fluxx.

23:00

23:00—EAsT camPUS—HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Saturday,
August 29, 2009

00:00

00:00—EAsT camPUS—If you didn’t manage to seduce any upperclassmen, you can always get violated by Shen at midnight. With some led’s.

00:00—EAsT camPUS—You do know we’re building a roller coaster, right? Get your asses over here.

02:00

02:00—EAsT camPUS—Back in the day people went on swings to have fun. At East Campus back in the day is today.

03:00

03:00—EAsT camPUS—BUILD BUILD BUILD BUILD BUILD. OH GOD WE’RE NEVER GOING TO FINISH.

03:01—EAsT camPUS—That’s what she said.

03:17—Random Hall—RHOP (Random House of Pancakes): Why are we up this late? To feed you pancakes, of course.

05:00

05:00—EAsT camPUS—How much Red Bull do you have to drink to give a mosquito caffeine poisoning. Come find out at EC.

05:01—EAsT camPUS—Come rout West Campus! Remember when Cortez went to Mexico? It’s going to be like that.

06:00

06:00—EAsT camPUS—Come fingerbang your mom and sister and collect their lady juices for a magic potion

07:00

07:00—EAsT camPUS—Fucking costco was out of fucking freezy pops. But we’ll make sure we get you some. Come suck on them.

08:00

08:00—Next House—Your friendly Next House residents will help you move in to your temporary room. Come sit in our hospitality lounge to relax after your trip to MIT and eat yummy snacks while playing video games or chatting with upperclassmen.

08:00—EAsT camPUS—No really, the freezy pops are our thing. So you should come nom our thing.

08:00—Burton Conner—Breakfast -- Get your orientation started off right with a Breakfast of Champions at BC! [tv lounge]

08:00—Ashdown House—Breakfast: Come hang out with the Phoenix Group and enjoy some breakfast while you’re at it!

08:00—Senior Haus—NAKED LAN PARTAY!@SH Lbby MAD przs! Pssbly b hosted 2day n grnd flr lobby.Cum join 4 lots of pwnnnnzoorrring in CS,WOW,CIV 4,SC,Battlefield,Battleship,Windows,Pinball, and EVN MOR!! Join sum h4x0rrrring fun!!YEAHH! 1st 4 ppl to show up wil get FREE ORGNL cops of Civ 4.The wn

08:20—Senior Haus—NAKED LAN MOVED @ IDK. Hey everyone! So it tursn out sr haus need stheir lobby 2nite, but the kind folks at boxxley have agreed to let us urse their couryard for the lanzorz. Free donuts and milkshqkes!~1211!11!1@1!

09:00

09:00—EAsT camPUS—There’s nothing sadder than a Japansese man singing Kareoke. That’s why you come to EC.

09:00—New House—Welcome Lounge/Tours (9 AM - 12 PM): Have some snacks! It’s just New House’s way of welcoming you to MIT for the first time. While you’re satisfying your snack urges, don’t be afraid to hop on one of the many dorm tour groups- they’ll be going on all day.

09:17—Random Hall—Saturday Morning Cartoons: Terrible sugary cereal and terrible Saturday morning cartoons- two things that are as awesome today as they were twelve years ago.

09:30—Simmons Hall—Breakfast and Bleach Design - Tired of tie-dying? So are we! Grab a muffin from 9:30 to 10, then use stencils and bleach to design awesome shirts that don’t look like they’re from third grade summer camp.

10:00

10:00—EAsT camPUS—Everything you didn’t want to know about your mother’s sexual exploits. Because believe us, we know them.

10:00—Ashdown House—Dorm Tours: A tour guide will be waiting for you at the Student Center (with a big sign that says NW35) to take you to NW35, the newest dorm.

10:00—Senior Haus—TOWEL TIME @ Senior House. Don’t forget to bring your towel.

10:17—Random Hall—Ceilings- Too plain?: Have you ever longed to go back to the days of elementary school? Return to the days when finger-painting was more than acceptable and help us paint our ceiling tiles while you’re at it.

11:00

11:00—EAsT camPUS—Something that’s pointedly not vulgar but still excites you in your pants.

11:00—Burton Conner—Build Your Own Water Weapon -- We support Weapons of Mass Saturation. Some assembly required. [game room]

11:00—La Maison Française—French Brunch: avec grapes et crèpes!

11:00—EAsT camPUS—Hey freshman, stop trying to hit on her; she can’t resist our wood.

11:17—Random Hall—Mobilize for the water war!: Arm, paint, and funnelate yourselves for the upcoming water war. Crush (or at least mildly soak) your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their (hot engineering) women.

12:00

12:00—EAsT camPUS—You’ve had demons and cunts, now try semencunts!

12:00—Senior Haus—BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON @ Senior Haus Lobby. BACON? BACON, BACON BACON! BACON. (BACON BACON.) Also: coffee. The original.

12:17—Random Hall—Bacon, bacon, bacon: Bacon bacon bacon? Bacon. BaconbaconbaconbaconBACON. Bacon bacon! (Bacon: baconbaconbacon) Bacon- bacon, bacon bacon bacon. BAAAACCOOOONNN!!!!

12:30—Dormitory Council—Housemaster Welcome Brunch - It’s time to be welcomed to the residential side of MIT. Meet your Housemasters and members of the house government. Learn about DormCon’s REX events. Attendance is mandatory!

13:00

13:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. More hardcore than your dad’s porn collection

13:00—Burton Conner—Welcome BBQ -- Come get a warm welcome from BC, and lunch while you’re at it. [bbq pits]

13:00—New House—Comfort Foods + Games Galore (1 PM - 3 PM): Want to indulge yourself in the ultimate game of trickery and lies, also known as Mafia? Or maybe show off your nerves of steel playing Jenga? Or just kick back and relax with comfort food? Well come on over, we’ve got it all.

13:00—Simmons Hall—Capture the Duck - Back by popular demand! This is a twist on a classic game involving hidden rubber ducks and hitting your friends with foam pool noodles :)

13:00—Senior Haus—Dan McAnulty @ Senior Haus Lobby. Well, maybe it’s a Wedding Lan Party. Also, DangerClock.

13:00—Baker House—Welcome to Baker House! Hang out with your fellow classmates while enjoying a great BBQ with a riverside view.( Baker House BBQ Pits, on Memorial Drive side)

13:17—Random Hall—Nerf Wars: Shoot your friends! And your enemies! And the people you just met! Join us for a nerf battle of EPIC PROPORTIONS!

14:00

14:00—EAsT camPUS—If you read all of these and complain to Housing then you can suck James’ balls

14:00—Ashdown House—Dorm Tours: A tour guide will be waiting for you at the Student Center (with a big sign that says NW35) to take you to NW35, the newest dorm.

14:00—EAsT camPUS—Tours: Come see where James keeps his giant penis!

14:00—Senior Haus—GRAFITTI + STENCILS @ Senior Haus Lobby and Courtyard. Prepare yourself for life on the streets. Learn to make stencils and tag like a pro. Fessional. Tagger.

14:00—MacGregor—Macgregor Tours - Come to MacGregor and let a resident take you around and show you all the greatness that is MacGregor. You’ll see MacGregor isn’t just about singles, it’s about people having a grand old time, in lounges, hallways, and bathrooms. Come find out how!

14:17—Random Hall—Minihunt: Can’t wait for the MIT Mystery Hunt? You don’t have to! Join us to work on some awesome puzzles and brainteasers. We’ll even try some meta-puzzles and go on a puzzling runaround! Healthy brain food provided.

14:47—Random Hall—Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream: Served steaming cold.

15:00

15:00—EAsT camPUS—Come to East Campus to get your tongue caught in Drew’s meat helicopter

15:00—Burton Conner—Ice Cream Social -- Summer is hot. Ice cream is cold. You like sweet things. We have sweet things. You read me? [bbq pits]

15:00—Ashdown House—Ultimate Frisbee and Soccer at Kresge Oval: Help the Phoenix Group’s IM Ultimate Frisbee and Soccer teams hone their skillz! All skill levels welcome.

15:00—EAsT camPUS—Blue is the new blonde. Come dunk your head in a tub of bleach at EC.

15:00—Senior Haus—Consume Beverages in Red Plastic Cups @ Senior Haus. Always wanted to be like those “cool kids” that drink from red plastic cups at parties you’ve heard about on TV? Now you can! Talk to upperclassmen about music and politics, and whatever else upperclassmen get on s

15:47—Random Hall—Adventures of Baron von Ternus: How to make a Baron Ternus: one part tonic for class, ten parts bitters for attitude. Serve with wienerschnitzel. Note: alcohol will not be served. Wienerschnitzel will. Terni are always sober but love them some fine Austrian breaded pork.

16:00

16:00—EAsT camPUS—References to sexual health seminars? We’ve got legit events later.

16:00—Baker House—Ice Cream Party: Join us for ice cream with toppings and other treats and meet your fellow classmates as we kick off orientation!(Front of Baker House (W7))

16:00—EAsT camPUS—Here, it’s always November.

16:00—EAsT camPUS—If you come to EC, we’ll show you how to drill. We might mean with power tools, we might not.

16:00—EAsT camPUS—Water War Preparation: Do you pledge your allegiance to noble knights of EAst camPUS? Good, then join us in our preparations for our assault on the Western masses.

16:00—Senior Haus—How To Have a Nervous Breakdown @ Senior Haus Lobby. ***This is a serious event*** Come learn what to do when MIT goes wrong, hosted by our only remaining (clinically) crazy resident, the infamous NICK WANG. Learn how/when/where to get help, and how to deal.

16:59—EAsT camPUS—HALGUALGHLAUGALGHAGHALGHALGAUGHALUGAH

17:00

17:00—Next House—Wrap up your fun-filled day with freshly made smoothies - you pick the fruit, we’ll blend it for ya. Smoothie-making has never been this easy (or delicious).

17:00—EAsT camPUS—8 = > 8 == > 8 === > 8 ==== > 8 ===== > 8 ====== > 8 ======= >

17:00—EAsT camPUS—Do you want to rape a village and pillage their women, or pillage a village and rape their women? You can do both at East Campus! We have a motherfucking viking boat!

17:00—Senior Haus—Bible Study @ Senior Haus. This time with real Catholics! Not your normal Bible study.

17:00—EAsT camPUS—WATER WAR. For the glory of EC!

17:17—Random Hall—Settlers of Pangaea: Catan has suffered a massive collision with the mainland! Settlements and cities galore! You may have brick for grain, but I’ve got wood for sheep!

18:00

18:00—EAsT camPUS—Breasts out to here in this little tiny bra? You are one classy broad. Come to EC to meet our classy broads

18:00—Simmons Hall—Chinese Food at Simmons - Enjoy the Simmons dining hall and join your friends for a delicious dinner of catered Chinese food!

18:17—Random Hall—Random- The Gathering: Ever wanted to cast Global Thermonuclear Warfare? The Wizards of the Dorm have conjured a special edition cardset of Magic: The Gathering- so now you can.

18:47—Random Hall—Wok of Doom: If a wok could signal the Armageddon, this would be it. Come feast on tasty stir fry and rice.

19:00

19:00—EAsT camPUS—You encounter a rat in the East Campus courtyard. What is your first instinct? Eat it, or fuck it?

19:00—New House—Eating Contests (7 PM – 8 PM): If you’ve ever pondered the most efficient way to finish a plate of hot dogs, or ever tried to maximize the amount of pancakes you could fit into your stomach at once- this event just might be for you.

19:00—McCormick Hall—Games & Smoothies. Have fun playing board games while drinking homemade smoothies.

19:00—MacGregor—Fondue - We’re going to melt tasty chocolate and let you dip stuff into it. And then eat that stuff, while experiencing the company of delightful MacGregor natives. We’ll have stuff for you to eat, but as long as its tested and legal, we’ll let you dip it in chocolate.

19:30—Ashdown House—Blazing Inferno Barbecue: Grab some flaming foods!

19:30—Senior Haus—Mask Making @ Senior Haus Lobby. Hide your face. Become fabulous. Included: glitter, duct tape, feathers, and more. Not included: David Bowie. Just kidding, we have him, too.

19:30—Senior Haus—Open Band Rehersal @ Senior Haus Basement. Come watch a resident student “Proper Hardcore” band, NSFH, reherse openly! They play music. Loudly. And offensively.

19:47—Random Hall—Nerdy Sing-Along: It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction with the songs we’ve got lined up here. If you want to be first in your class here at MIT, just remember that it’s gonna be the future soon and if we just keep singing we’ll be still alive when it comes.

20:00

20:00—Dormitory Council—Legends of the Hidden Temply Party - A wildly fun party/adventure hybrid that spans across the West Campus dorms! While you enjoy food and music, you can compete in challenges, win prizes, and answer trivia questions. Location: Briggs Field.

20:00—EAsT camPUS—Cum to EC and join in the alfredo challenge!

20:00—Das Deutsche Haus—Come chill with German House and play some (video) games.

20:00—New House—Too many events going on all at once got you stressed out? Come relax and watch some TV with New House 2. Choose from a selection of shows including The Boondocks, House, The Office, True blood, Arrested Development and The Wire.

20:00—La Casa—Spanish Game Night with Loteria, domino, spanish karaoke and food

20:42—EAsT camPUS—When we do stupid shit, we think it’s really awesome

20:47—Random Hall—Tea and Math: The Pathological Monsters of functions: Fractal Recursion and the Busy Beaver Function served alongside tea that is equally exciting: Aztec Chocolate Tea, African Redbush Peach Tea, and biscotti!

21:00

21:00—EAsT camPUS—If there are piles of shit in the East Campus courtyard, its probably something you can ride. Oh yeah.

21:00—EAsT camPUS—We’ll rock you like a hurrrrricane.

21:00—EAsT camPUS—We’ve been giving the assfuck twins wood all week, tonight its your turn to ride

21:00—Ashdown House—Rebirth/Rising from the Ashes Party: Once a year, our phoenix is reborn. Folklore has it that watching this fiery ceremony leads to engorged genitalia for the upcoming year. Note: This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA.

21:00—Senior Haus—BILLY MAYES @ HERE. TALK TO OUR TV PEOPLE. BUY OUR PRODUCT. GET MORE FREE. THERE’S NO OBLIGATION. CALL NOW. 617-324-1205.

21:47—Random Hall—Revenge of the Board Games!: Didn’t get enough the first time? Come for a second round of our favorite board games...or come join us for the first time!

22:00

22:00—EAsT camPUS—Their dong vaccums are kept in a cage downstairs. They are not too old for you to use.

22:00—New House—West Side Party: Legends of the Hidden Temple (10 PM – 1 AM): It’s a wildly fun party/adventure hybrid that spans across the West Campus dorms! While you enjoy food and music, you can compete in challenges, win prizes, answer trivia questions, and assemble puzzle pieces.

22:00—Senior Haus—COME USE YOUR MASK! @ Senior Haus Lobby. Remember that thing with those people and that stuff at the place? Yeah, this is it.

22:00—MacGregor—Gladiator Jousting - Come to the Macgregor courtyard and try to earn your Westside Party puzzle piece in our arena, a jumping castle. Challenge any Macgregor resident and should you remain standing, the prize is yours. We’ll also be serving snow cones and snacks!

22:00—New House—Desmond Movie Night 2/5 (10 PM): Join us in the New House 5 lounge as we watch “The Omega Man”, based on Richard Matheson’s “I am Legend”.

23:00

23:00—EAsT camPUS—Cumm to East Campus to seduce our upperclassmen and fail horribly. Or worse, succeed.

23:00—EAsT camPUS—Challenge your roomate to see who can get to the bottom first on the assfuck twins.

23:00—Senior Haus—COFFEE + CIGARETTES @ Senior Haus Courtyard. Come watch the movie “Coffee and Cigarettes” while drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes.

23:59—La Maison Française—Midnight Ultimate: Glow sticks. Glow-in-the-dark disks.

Sunday,
August 30, 2009

00:00

00:00—Next House—Celebrate the beginning of your time at MIT with some high-flying MIT superhero action. (Iron Man!) Snacks will be provided.

00:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Come try to find something that Josh won’t smoke. Including rats.

01:00

01:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. The November rule is more of a guideline.

01:11—EAsT camPUS—You’ve seen porn, you’ve heard auto-tune. But have you seen auto-erotica-tune? you can at East Campus.

02:00

02:00—EAsT camPUS—Its fucking hot jesus titty fucking christ. It might be time for SHIRTLESS O CLOCK BITCHZ!

02:00—Burton Conner—Harry Potter Movie Marathon -- We know you were sad when that Hogwarts letter never came (so were we). Come chill with us muggles and take in the magic on the screen. [tv lounge]

03:00

03:00—EAsT camPUS—There’s a note from Vlad in your mailbox. What could it possibly be? Maybe a tasty treat? Come find out at East Cumpus.

03:00—EAsT camPUS—Wanna ride a woodie?

03:17—Random Hall—RHOP (Random House of Pancakes): The question is...is it really early or really late? All we know is that we have pancakes for you.

05:00

05:00—EAsT camPUS—WOo naked Vinayak party. His only article of clothing is a K-bar.

05:12—EAsT camPUS—Why does Hopp HURRR? BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

06:00

06:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Would you do us for a scooby snack? No? Two? How about a Klondyke bar?

07:00

07:00—EAsT camPUS—We got a bunch of disgusting food. Why do we have to organize this around James’ social life?

08:00

08:00—EAsT camPUS—Amy was gone the entire summer and is almost as bad as the assfuck twins. Come give her some wood at East Campus

09:00

09:00—Next House—Start your day with some freshly made waffles and other breakfast items in the Next House dining before another fun filled day of REX.

09:00—EAsT camPUS—Sex is good, drugs are bad, condoms are free, have sex with me! (Only at East Campus)

09:00—Senior Haus—Walk of Shame @ Frat/Sorority. Enjoy your walk. Don’t poop in the shower.

09:17—Random Hall—MORE BREAKFAST THAN YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR!: Consume the OM NOM NOMLETTE! And devour OVER 9000 PANCAKES!!!

10:00

10:00—Burton Conner—Waffle Breakfast -- Come enjoy our waffles (Belgium not included). [porter room]

10:00—Senior Haus—Ever Heard of the Donkey Punch? @ Proper Hardcore. I’m hardcore.

10:00—Senior Haus—BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON! @ Senior Haus Lobby. BACON? BACON, BACON BACON! BACON. (BACON BACON.) Also: coffee. Again.

11:00

11:00—EAsT camPUS—If he seems into you, its probably because he wants to fuck your roommate. In East Campus.

11:00—New House—Spades Tournament. Know how to play or want to learn? Come and chill with New House 2 while playing a classic card game.

11:00—MacGregor—Macgregor Barbecue - College is mainly a chance for you to stretch out your mind and do lots of business. Our barbecue is a chance to expand your stomach! Come socialize with Macgregor’s residents to find out how food is obtained.

12:00

12:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus East Campus East Campus. Andrew doesn’t like it when you cry. Try to enjoy the sex. Yes we lack originality.

12:00—Simmons Hall—Simmons Housemasters’ Brunch - You don’t want to miss the best brunch on campus, presented by the Housemasters of Simmons Hall. As soon as the President’s convocation ends, stop by for pancakes, french toast, the famous Essigmann fruit smoothie, and much more!

12:30—Next House—Come enjoy a classic BBQ on a summer day in the Next House Courtyard. Burgers, hotdogs, Popsicles, you name it! While you’re here, meet our wonderful houseteam! Come find out what it’s like living at the furthest end of Dorm Row. Ask some questions, and we’ll get ya answers.

13:00

13:00—EAsT camPUS—First one to sexually satisfy a Rush Chair is guaranteed a single! Only at East Campus!

13:00—New House—Lightning Chess. Put your mind to the test in the ultimate challenge of logic and quick-thinking. Face off against your fellow freshmen in the New House 5 lounge.

13:00—EAsT camPUS—Hovercraft: If you don’t want to ride, you are probably a communist.

13:00—Senior Haus—HAUS TOURS! @ Senior Haus Lobby. Tours all day, but especially now that we’re awake and full of bacon. Learn about Haus history, see our murals, pet our cats, meet our freaks. Tours leave every five minutes.

13:47—Random Hall—Hair dyeing: Your hair is not blue/pink/green enough! Come fix it!

14:00

14:00—Next House—Let Nexties show you around our dorm! Catch a glimpse of our impressive facilities and comfy lounges, and learn what makes residents of Next House bond like family!

14:00—EAsT camPUS—Josh is really a werewolf. He gets it from his grandmother. Come get bitten by him at East Campus.

14:00—Burton Conner—Food Fight -- Have you ever been sitting in the cafeteria, looking at your sad tray lunch, and wished you could just fling it across the room and start an epic movie-quality food fight? This is your chance! [conner-side bbq pits]

14:00—New House—Trip Down Memory Lane with Water Fun! + Tours (2 PM – 4 PM): It’s like every childhood summer vacation, family trip to the carnival, and extended recess period shrunk down and thrown right back at you. Lemonade, popsicles, and a dunk tank are all here.

14:00—EAsT camPUS—Left breast freshman! come play 3D twister at East Campus.

14:00—Baker House—Tours of Baker:Come check out the architectural masterpiece known as Baker House! Tour groups leave every 30 minutes on the hour and half hour. There will be snacks in the lobby, so drop by, grab a bite to eat, and chat with some upperclassmen about life at MIT.(Baker house

14:00—Simmons Hall—Newbury Exploration - Join us for a walk down Boston’s most exciting street. There will be plenty of shopping, people watching, and J.P. Licks ice cream for all! (Meet in front of Simmons)

14:00—Senior Haus—Uncle Pevner Takes the Kids to the Garment District. Warning: Color and size of host may vary from that advertised.

14:00—MacGregor—Macgregor Tours - Come to MacGregor and let a resident take you around and show you all the greatness that is MacGregor. You’ll see MacGregor isn’t just about singles, it’s about people having a grand old time, in lounges, hallways, and bathrooms. Come find out how!

14:15—EAsT camPUS—East Campus, an indictment is not a conviction

14:17—Random Hall—Making an Edible World: In preparation for the Edible Katamari Damacy event later today (at 19:17) come help us build a giant world of candy and sugar! Then, stick around to destroy and eat it later.

15:00

15:00—Next House—It’s the perfect time for ice cream. Come make your own sundae, choosing from a variety of flavors and toppings!

15:00—Ashdown House—Dorm Tours: A tour guide will be waiting for you at the Student Center (with a big sign that says NW35) to take you to NW35, the newest dorm.

15:00—EAsT camPUS—Evaporative cooling engine: Come watch water dry!

15:00—EAsT camPUS—Is your hair still not colored? Lame. We can fix that.

15:00—EAsT camPUS—It’s silly to walk to the Student Center, ride the CATBUS instead!

15:00—EAsT camPUS—EE seminar: Get an introduction to 6-1 EC style by building your own electronic gadget.

15:00—Senior Haus—Come Play With Our State-of-the-Art Robot! @ Senior Haus Lobby. We bet you’ve never seen a robot this cool. It can learn speech, and hold a conversation. It has a face and everything!

15:17—Random Hall—Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream: Even at 77 Kelvins, it’s the hottest thing around.

15:30—Burton Conner—Tours of BC -- Let us show you our turf! [meet at desk]

16:00

16:00—EAsT camPUS—Cum to East Campus. Hopp will throw you a lemon party. And you know you can’t have a lemon party without old dick.

16:00—Das Deutsche Haus—play some board games with the members of German House and your fellow frosh, we guarantee you won’t be “bored”

16:00—La Maison Française—Help with cooking: Use les couteaux, les forchettes et an egg separator.

16:00—Senior Haus—Alice in Wonderland Tea Party @ Senior Haus Courtyard. It’s Tea Time! Formal attire encouraged.

16:00—MacGregor—Vermonster Challenge - The MacGregor Barbecue hopefully gave your stomach a big work out. Now finish off pillaging your body by decimating your pancreas! We’ll be serving up mounds of ice cream topped with whipped cream, hot fudge, sprinkles, candy, and more.

16:17—Random Hall—Tie-dyeing: That shirt of yours? It’s so last week. Why are you wearing something that lacks color? Come rainbow up your wardrobe with a bit of tie-dye. Peace.

16:30—Simmons Hall—Simmons Housemasters’ Parent Reception - Parents of new MIT freshmen are invited to meet with the housemasters of Simmons Hall. Refreshments will be provided!

17:00

17:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. You can only break the September rule with James.

17:00—EAsT camPUS—Attention parents: your daughter will ride James’ wood.

17:00—EAsT camPUS—Merry Go Round: Come ride 20 chicks at the same time while riding 20 Chicks at the Same Time.

17:17—Random Hall—Storytime with Cruft: cruft, n.- code, data, or software of poor quality. Also: fluff, detritus and MIT alumni. Come learn of ye oldenn tymes from the ancient ones.

17:30—Das Deutsche Haus—Taste of New House

17:30—New House—Taste of NH + Tours (5:30 PM – 7:30 PM): The famous Taste of New House returns with just as much entertainment and food, and a lot more fun. Come experience all of the various communities of New House and get a taste of them too.

18:00

18:00—EAsT camPUS—Moeller’s leg turns him on. Come pull Moeller’s third leg at East Campus, because he IS a tripod.

18:15—La Maison Française—Dinner: Come manger a homemade French repas!

18:47—Random Hall—Roofdeck BBQ: Steak tips, Kabobs, Sausage, and Vegetarians.

18:49—Random Hall—Roofdeck BBQ Part II: Vegetarian Invasion: PORTOBELLO POWER!!!!1!!11

19:00

19:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Our assfuck twins go to eleven! We swear we’ll finish the rollercoaster this year. Fuck!

19:00—EAsT camPUS—Dance puppet, dance.

19:00—MacGregor—Root Beer Pong - We respect the law and the Cambridge police, so we won’t actually be giving you beer. This is a “virgin” event to make sure you’re prepped for your 21st birthday.

19:17—Random Hall—Edible Katamari Damacy: Bent on world domination? Like chocolate? Come use chocolate to roll up, destroy, and then DEVOUR THE WORLD!

19:30—Das Deutsche Haus—Kick back, relax, and watch a movie with DH

19:47—Random Hall—Pants pants revolution: It’s like DDR, but with more pants. Every time you win a game, you put on another pair of pants. How many pants can a human being possibly wear? Only science will tell.

20:00

20:00—Dormitory Council—Come to the East Side Pleasuredome, where hundreds will enter and none will leave. Giant wooden roller coasters, sweet rave parties, and exotic substances to wrestle in will be provided. Come learn how to party hard. Location: East Campus Courtyard.

20:00—Next House—Think you have a good poker face? Want to join MIT’s Blackjack Team? Join us for a night of tournament-style poker, blackjack, and other card games, accompanied with non-alcoholic cocktails and hors d’ouvres. And if that’s not enough, there’ll also be prizes for the winn

20:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Come drink our non alcoholic beverages.

20:00—New House—StarCraft Tournament. StarCraft is one of our favorite pastimes in New House 5, and we’re setting up a special session just for REX. Join one of our teams, enjoy the free food, and fight your way to victory. Adun Toridas!

20:00—New House—Make Your Own Gingerbread House (8 PM – 10 PM): There really aren’t many things more amusing than making houses you can eat- and at New House, you can use gingerbread and a variety of toppings to construct your house of edibility.

20:00—EAsT camPUS—Come reward your taste buds and punish your bowels at dinner on 41w. What have your bowels ever done for you anyways?

20:00—Simmons Hall—Party Room Game Night - Come to the Simmons party room for all of your favorite board games and video games! It’s every gamer’s dream... We have 1080p High Def and tons of snacks.

20:00—Ashdown House—Old Time Movies Night: Have you seen too many modern movies? Or do you just want to relive the times that you probably (hopefully) didn’t live through the first time? Come kick back and enjoy one of our favorites from some decade before the ‘80s.

20:00—Senior Haus—Bouncy Ball Drop @ Senior Haus Courtyard. THOUSANDS OF BOUNCY BALLS WILL RAIN FROM THE HEAVENS, CAUGHT IN THE MAJESTY OF FLUTTERING STROBE LIGHTS. NOW WITH TWICE THE BALLS. It only happens tonight, my friends. Not to be missed.

20:15—Senior Haus—CONCERT IN THE BASEMENT! @ Senior Haus Basement. Come see NSFH, our resident Proper Hardcore band. Rock out. Be offended.

20:47—Random Hall—Tea and Math Redux: Come enjoy an evening of abstractions and hot tea and chocolate!

21:00

21:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. We’ve been to every single alcohol and sex talk, but only to hand out root beer and condoms.

21:00—La Maison Française—French Films: Films de parkour, de la viande et des chansons.

22:00

22:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Sex! Advertising! Buy Things! Sex! Lick Things! Sex! Suck Things! Sex! Ride the rollercoaster! Sex! East Campus!

22:00—EAsT camPUS—Oh you’ve seen 8 bit penises before? Well have you seen them on an 80 monitor CRT wall? Didn’t think so.

22:00—EAsT camPUS—We’ve got blinky lights, and they’re for you. Come blanket yourself in LEDs.

22:00—EAsT camPUS—Come wrestle in our balls. That’s not even a euphemism, we bought balls.

22:00—MacGregor—Party!!! - Come end the night of studying by letting loose and dancing your troubles away. We’ll have a lot of loud music and cool people. And if you can’t dance? Just stand still and nod your head. At MIT, that’s good enough!

22:00—New House—Desmond Movie Night 3/5 (10 PM): Tonight, Al Pacino stars in “Righteous Kill”. Join us in the New House 5 lounge!

23:00

23:00—EAsT camPUS—Sarah will never love you. But she WILL give you some sweet sweet lovin.

23:30—New House—Late Night Ice Cream/Sundaes (11:30 PM – 1:00 AM): You weren’t actually thinking of going to sleep, were you? Of course not- so join us as we promote sleeplessness and sugar intake by making ice cream sundaes.

Monday,
August 31, 2009

00:00

00:00—Senior Haus—MOVIE NIGHT WITH ROB! @ Senior Haus Basement. Meet Rob, one of our favorite people, and resident movie expert, and watch movies all night. Basically, this will go on until either the TV burns out, or everyone leaves. Movies will focus on playing games with your mind. Be p

00:17—Random Hall—Juggling in enclosed spaces: Random Hall has thin, claustrophobia-inducing hallways. Come juggle things in them! We know ball, diabolo, contact, poi and devil sticks. Come juggle (we’re happy to teach people!) and we’ll try to involve stairs in this bad idea somehow.

01:00

01:00—EAsT camPUS—You’ve had two chicks at the same time. Come try DVDA at East Campus

02:00

02:17—Random Hall—Sleepers Anonymous: Sleep is an addiction. The first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem. Sleepers Anonymous is a support group formed to help people like you overcome this addiction. Come, and we will fight this affliction together.

03:00

03:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Its been continuously lived in since before your mom was born.

03:00—Burton Conner—Rave! -- We know you like loud dance music, black lights, and glow sticks. Don’t even try to resist. [tv lounge]

04:00

04:00—EAsT camPUS—We’re still building? Why are we still building. FML

04:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Your mom’s teeth are the whitest we’ve ever come across...

05:00

05:00—EAsT camPUS—Don’t stick any plastic bubbles to the cat. At East Campus, we stick our plastic bubbles on you. With cum.

06:00

06:00—EAsT camPUS—I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKING 4CHAN IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING DAILYCONFUSION, oh wait that’s our fault. COCKSOCKET!

07:00

07:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. We love you tonight, but we won’t love you tomorrow morning.

08:00

08:00—Next House—Have ASEs? Or perhaps just ready for a new day? Come grab some breakfast your way out.

08:00—EAsT camPUS—Watch Grace write out of her ass just for you. She doesn’t even live here anymore. The elephants may come charging out of the walls. Or out of her ass.

08:00—Ashdown House—Breakfast: Come hang out with the Phoenix Group and enjoy some breakfast while you’re at it!

09:00

09:00—EAsT camPUS—Peter is happy to be in you. Are YOU happy to be in Peter? Offer sexual favors at East Campus.

09:00—Burton Conner—Breakfast -- They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day...we just say it gives you an excuse to eat sugary things and watch cartoons. [tv lounge]

09:00—New House—Breakfast (9 AM - 11 AM): It’s the most important meal of the day, or at least that’s what all those course 7 (Biology) majors say. So be sure to drop by New House before you charge out to tackle yet another day of events.

09:00—Baker House—Breakfast at Baker: Early to bed, early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy and wise! So come on down to grab a bite of breakfast before another big day begins! (Baker House Dining Hall)

09:17—Random Hall—Crepes!: Flatter than a pancake, it goes well with whipped cream, nutella, fruit, chocolate sauce, and more. There’s nothing savory about these crepes.

10:00

10:00—Burton Conner—Cooking 101 -- Here in BC, we have kitchens and we know how to use ‘em. And we want to teach you! [burton 5]

10:00—New House—Quiet Reading and Conversation (10 AM): Need a break from all the craziness of REX? Bring your favorite book or magazine to the lounge at New House 5 and join fellow literature-lovers for a moment of peace, quiet and discussion.

10:00—Ashdown House—Dorm Tours: A tour guide will be waiting for you at the Student Center (with a big sign that says NW35) to take you to NW35, the newest dorm.

10:17—Random Hall—Boffer Construction: Forge something eternal. Forge something undying. Forge something legendary. Forge something that will be spoken of in years to come as the blade of a true warrior. Forge a weapon...out of foam.

11:00

11:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. We are lumberjacks, and we can screw the shit our of wood for eternity.

11:00—Das Deutsche Haus—Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!

11:00—Das Deutsche Haus—DH Tours

11:00—Simmons Hall—Fenway Park Tour - First on the list of must-see places in Boston? Fenway Park! Join us for a tour of the Red Sox home field, and fall in love with the Green Monster, the Pesky Pole, and the scoreboard they still update by hand. (Meet in front of Simmons)

11:00—New House—Settlers Tournament. Ready to challenge your luck? Settlers depends on skill, cunning but most of all luck. Come discover New House 2’s favorite board game.

11:00—Senior Haus—Black Bitch, White Bitch @ Senior Haus. Wanna learn how to make breakfast? Find out with two of our best cooks and EAT FOR FREE.

11:00—Senior Haus—SPAM ALL THE DORM LISTS @ Senior Haus. Be the first of your class to troll old alums!

11:00—MacGregor—Macgregor Brunch - Come and enjoy Macgregor’s favorite social event: eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes delivered directly from IHOP.

11:17—Random Hall—The Improvised Furniture Experience: Experience and develop the latest in 2x4 technology in a challenge to construct a couch-like device from a bizarre assortment of road signs and automobile components. Behold, the power of Furniture made from Stuff We Found On the Street.

12:00

12:00—EAsT camPUS—Fuck Jelly Beans in a Jar. Come guess Sarah’s cupsize. Only at East Campus. I guess you could fuck some Jelly Beans if you’re into that.

12:17—Random Hall—CHEESE: Swiss Cheddar Brie Cottage Parmigiano Reggiano Gouda Chevre Camembert Provolone Ricotta Colby Jack Pepper Jack Monterey Jack Mozzarella Muenster Blue Havarti Limburger Feta.

13:00

13:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Increase your Boobage!

13:00—La Maison Française—Boardgames: Scrabble, Catan, Set. Vous savez que vous voulez les jouer.

13:17—Random Hall—Toilet Paper Dodgeball: Don’t forget to dodge, duck, dive, dip, and dodge the toilet paper!

13:30—New House—Inflatable Tug-of-War + Field Day (1:30 PM – 3:30 PM): Remember Field Day- the day at the end of the elementary school year where you were let loose on the field to have fun with sports? Well the memories are coming back, so join us on Briggs field.

14:00

14:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus is balls hot. Discuss.

14:00—Senior Haus—T-Shirt Destruction/Silk Screening @ Senior Haus Lobby. Forget tie-dying, forget bleach. Tear your shirt up (fashionably), and/or silk screen whatever you want on it. If you don’t have stencils from before, make some now! YOU can be the fashion elite at MIT!

14:00—MacGregor—Macgregor Tours - Come to MacGregor and let a resident take you around and show you all the greatness that is MacGregor. You’ll see MacGregor isn’t just about singles, it’s about people having a grand old time, in lounges, hallways, and bathrooms. Come find out how!

14:17—Random Hall—D&D One-Shots, Edition 4: Lord Milne’s favorite vase has been stolen - come help reclaim it from a dungeon filled with monsters, puzzles and traps!

15:00

15:00—Next House—Think you have the reflexes of a ninja? Or maybe you need to release some pent up energy? Join us for a fun, riveting game of dodgeball!

15:00—Das Deutsche Haus—Shopping, because everyone loves to buy food.

15:00—Ashdown House—Olympics at Kresge Oval: Demonstrate your physical prowess and you may or may not be rewarded with a medal.

15:00—Senior Haus—HAUS TOURS @ Senior Haus Lobby. Tours all day, but now, especially. Come see where we live, blah blah blah. You know the drill.

15:17—Random Hall—Bubblewrap Room: It’s your childhood dream come true: we’ve covered an entire room with bubblewrap. Come bounce off the walls!

15:47—Random Hall—Liquid Nitrogen Icecream: Colder and more uncaring than the spirit of the Chem ASE.

16:00

16:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Come wrestle in our sticky bubble tea balls! Or have our sticky balls wrestle in you.

16:00—Burton Conner—Intro to Athena -- Have no idea what a terminal even is? Let us give you some quick and easy Athena pointers. [tv lounge]

16:00—New House—NH Presentation + Tours of Boston (4 PM – 6 PM): Chances are, wherever you live, you’re sure to do things in Boston, so why not take a New House sponsored tour and get acclimated with the city? Also, come learn more about our fantastic dorm in general.

16:00—La Maison Française—Help with cooking: Use les couteaux, les forchettes et an egg separator.

16:00—Senior Haus—REAL BARBECUE WITH A REAL TEXAN @ Senior Haus Courtyard. Real meat, none of this pansy hot dogs and hamburger bovine fecal matter. TEAR IT APART WITH YOUR TEETH, SAVOR THE HOT FLESH. THE TASTE OF BLOOD, IT STICKS IN THE TEETH. Also, veggie stuff for those of you who need

16:17—Random Hall—Roofdeck Boffing: Urban Dictionary has two definitions of ‘boffing’. Guess which one we’ll be doing.

17:00

17:00—EAsT camPUS—We made a giant bean bag. Why aren’t you in it.

17:00—Senior Haus—Play with our Sperm @ Senior Haus Lobby. Come play with our sperm! It’s huge, and completely biologically safe.

17:17—Random Hall—Make Chainmail!: Are you ever woken up at night by swordsmen breaking down your door? Well, you’ll be able to sleep easy after this event; come learn to make armor worthy of the thirteenth century!

18:00

18:00—Next House—Like the rest of MIT, Next House has an extremely diverse community. And what better way to show it off than with some good food? Join us in eating some of the best food from a wide variety of Boston restaurants.

18:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Steaming excessively and why the fuck is the water war on Saturday at 5:00 pm?

18:00—Burton Conner—Comfort Food Dinner -- It’s been a long day. Come relax at BC with some good ol’ fashioned comfort food. [porter]

18:00—New House—New House 5 Brawl Tournament (6-8 PM): Get your Brawl on! Come to New House 5 (Desmond) to show off your skills in the greatest fighting game of all time. The best part? First place wins a $50 gift certificate to the CambridgeSide Galleria. Food will be provided!

18:00—Simmons Hall—Rooftop BBQ - Enjoy a summer evening of food, music, and fun on the rooftop terraces at Simmons Hall. You won’t want to miss our gorgeous view of the nighttime Boston skyline!

18:00—EAsT camPUS—penis penis penis penis penis penis penis goose motherfucker.

18:00—Senior Haus—Alternative Sex Seminar @ Senior Haus Lobby. Curious about being gay at MIT? Wanna know the best way to tie someone to an Institute bed? Wanna know where to buy latex clothing in Cambridge and Boston? Solid advice direct to you from our resident perverts. I mean, experts

18:00—MacGregor—Flying Pizza! Not really, actually it’s just regular pizza with wings. It’s all you can eat though. We’ll have many different toppings for the pizza and several flavors of wings to choose from.

18:15—La Maison Française—Dinner: Come manger a homemade French repas!

18:17—Random Hall—Philosophical Wankfest: Where does the world come from? What is consciousness? Does the fact that these questions sound unanswerable make you more willing to argue them? Come celebrate the hallowed MIT tradition of “wanking” (pointlessly debating a subject at length!

18:47—Random Hall—Heart Attack Food: Leave your guilt and nutrition guides at home, and come commit a slow delicious suicide on the fourth floor of Random Hall as we home-fry everything from chicken to onions to Oreos!

19:00

19:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. We have the assfuck triplets.

19:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Neither rain nor snow nor Dormcon will keep EC from its duties.

19:00—Das Deutsche Haus—Dinner: We’re cooking something delicious, we just don’t know what it is yet!

19:00—EAsT camPUS—We’re only being nice to you because the Institvte says we have to.

19:00—EAsT camPUS—We live in the internet. Even our waterfalls are digital.

19:00—Senior Haus—Make Your Own Sex Toys @ Senior Haus Lobby. Using household items! Go solo – because November is so far away – without shelling out massive bank for a masturbation sleeve or vibrator. Boys, girls, and everyone in between invited.

19:00—MacGregor—Game Night - This is a nice and friendly event that’s really about just meeting people. We’ll have several HDTV’s going on and even a projector. There will be Rockband, Halo, Wii Sports, pool, foosball, and many more!

19:05—Senior Haus—The CCC Will Make All Men Obsolete @ Senior Haus.

19:17—Random Hall—Duct Tape Construction: What can you use to close an open wound? Duct tape! What’s great when your shoe starts falling apart? Duct tape! What comes in many colors and can be used to create something entirely new? Duct tape!

19:47—Random Hall—LN2 Icecream: Jötunheimr cowers.

20:00

20:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. A breeze blew in and we azizzed in our pants.

20:00—New House—Massages + Smoothies (New House 6 Lounge) (8 PM – 9 PM): Just view it as our rough approximation of a luxury spa- experience a deep, soothing massage, and enjoy cool, refreshing smoothies before classes officially start. Relaxation has seldom been so easy and accessible.

20:00—EAsT camPUS—You like the cute animals? We like to serve them to you with a side of fries. Come to diner on 4th West for a bittersweet reunion with Wilbur.

20:00—Senior Haus—Coffee + Political Discussion @ Senior Haus Lobby. We like coffee. We like politics. Come get some of both. Discussion mainly a debate between our resident clinically insane Marxist, and a secret, not-yet-disclosed person of a different political party. All parties welcome.

20:17—Random Hall—Hair Dyeing: Green? PURPLE!

20:17—Random Hall—Cake or Death: One of the great questions of the modern age.

20:30—Random Hall—The Thinking with Portals Party: Random Hall promises to always provide an awesome party environment. In party environments, we promise to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here has cake. (the cake is not a lie thecakeisnotaliethecakeisNOTALIE)

20:47—Random Hall—Pillow Fight: We have pillows. You have violent urges. Use the former to satisfy the latter.

21:00

21:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. We don’t discriminate. We hate everyone equally. We wish we could hate you to death. Come participate in 2 minutes of hate at East Campus.

21:00—New House—Foosball, Ping-Pong and Pool! (9-11 PM): These games are as much a part of your college experience as Calculus, so come practice and play in New House 5’s recently refurnished rec room.

21:00—Senior Haus—Den of Iniquities @ Youtube. Http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfPjbsdksC0

21:17—Random Hall—Guilty Pleasures: Come indulge in furious mastication.

21:47—Random Hall—Gluck: (Speed + Solitaire) x 4 = Gluck! Come learn this fast-paced, four-deck card game and then use it against Random Hall’s Gluck masters.

22:00

22:00—Next House—Wrap up your night with some video-gaming fun - we’ll have Rock Band, Brawl, DDR, and Karaoke! Or, if you’re old school, we’ll have board games and cards as well. We’ll also have snacks to satisfy those midnight munchies.

22:00—EAsT camPUS—Have you fucked inside McCormick? East Campus has. McCormick hasn’t.

22:00—Senior Haus—BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON @ Senior Haus 1st Floor Kitchen. BACON? BACON, BACON BACON! BACON. (BACON BACON.) Also: coffee. Again. Again.

22:00—Senior Haus—S’MORES & STORIES @ Senior Haus Courtyard. Make s’mores, and revel in awesome stories of Senior Haus past.

22:00—La Casa—Combo Latino: a cultural gathering featuring music from across latin america

22:00—New House—Desmond Movie Night 4/5 (10 PM): Come to the New House 5 lounge to watch Mel Brooks’ epic comedy, “SpaceBalls”. And may the Schwartz be with you.

22:00—Baker House—Baker House Presents SKYLINE, featuring the Ladies of McCormick: Come dive into orientation with the hottest party of the night at the most social dorm on campus! Featuring a dance floor, live DJs spinning today’s hottest beats, and refreshments! (Location Baker House (W7))

22:17—Random Hall—Sweet Rave party: Strobes Real Popular. Super Rad Powwow. Shake Rattle Pop.... Sweet Rave Party.

22:47—Random Hall—Bad Science Movie Marathon: There will be screaming. But not because the movies are scary.

23:00

23:00—EAsT camPUS—East Campus. Just sayin.

23:00—New House—Late Night Waffles + Movie Marathon (NH 6 Lounge) (11 PM – 5 AM): We’re upending the traditional food schedule, and serving waffles late at night. We are also planning to watch movies until the sun rises while we’re all passed out on couches still in our day clothes.

23:00—EAsT camPUS—Sarah is a delicate flower. Come deflower Sarah at East Campus. Snowflakes!

Tuesday,
September 1, 2009

00:00

00:00—Simmons Hall—Midnight Ball Pit Wars - Admit it, it’s the first thing you thought of when you heard that Simmons has its own McD’s-style ball pit. Build forts and stockpile weapons as you conquer enemy territory, or just toss balls at your friends to distract them from empire-building.

01:00

01:00—Burton Conner—Midnight Capture the Flag -- Glow sticks included. [turf]

03:00

03:17—Random Hall—RHOP: Random House of Pancakes: I’m a delicious warm pancake smothered in maple syrup. Bite me.

08:00

08:00—Next House—Yes, even more breakfast is on the way! Be sure to get your tummy’s worth on the last day of REX.

08:00—Ashdown House—Breakfast: Come hang out with the Phoenix Group and enjoy some breakfast while you’re at it!

09:00

09:00—Baker House—Breakfast at Baker: Re-energize yourself with a great breakfast at Baker House, and prepare yourself for another day of orientation. (Baker House Dining Hall)

10:00

10:00—Next House—Release the kid in you, through flying kites and blowing bubbles of all shapes and sizes. Come relax and have some fun in the sun!

10:00—Das Deutsche Haus—DH Tours and snacks

10:00—Burton Conner—Breakfast -- You gotta eat! [tv lounge]

10:00—New House—Morning Fiesta/Siesta (10 AM – 12 PM): New House is a very diverse community, and with that comes the advantage and ability to have fiestas (and siestas) whenever we want to. Join us for this one- nachos, salsa, and piñatas all around!

10:00—Ashdown House—Dorm Tours: A tour guide will be waiting for you at the Student Center (with a big sign that says NW35) to take you to NW35, the newest dorm.

10:17—Random Hall—Make your own donuts: Who needs Dunkin’ Donuts anyway? Come to Random Hall and make your own custom fried models of our dorm! (No plastic spatulas allowed.)

11:00

11:00—Simmons Hall—Baking and Chick Flicks - Spend some time in Simmons’ country kitchen with Sarah and Christina. Then sit down and enjoy with a girly movie in the Night Cafe.

11:17—Random Hall—Sock-Puppet Literary Classics: What happens when you take sock puppets, literary classics, and a fifteen minute time cap? Hilarity. Come witness your (least?) favorite characters from high school English subjected to our whims.

12:00

12:00—Senior Haus—BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON @ Senior Haus 1st Floor Kitchen. BACON? BACON, BACON BACON! BACON. (BACON BACON.) Also: coffee. Again. Again. Again.

12:17—Random Hall—On the construction of dumplings: For ages, engineers have puzzled over the construction of dumplings. What is the ideall ratio of filling to skin? What is the proper catamorphism that will result in maximum structural integrity? Come make dumplings. Then eat them.

13:00

13:00—Das Deutsche Haus—A German Movie, because everyone knows how to speak German (English subtitles included).

13:00—New House—Origami (1-2 PM): Whether you’re a longtime fan of the art or just a newcomer, join us in the New House 5 lounge for an hour of origami, the Japanese art of paper-folding.

13:00—New House—Your favorite event from Saturday is back! Too many events going on all at once got you stressed out? Come relax and watch some TV with New House 2. Choose from a selection of shows including The Boondocks, House, The Office, True blood, Arrested Development and The Wire.

13:17—Random Hall—Scavenger Hunt: Bring a camera, team up, explore MIT, and embark on a journey to discover your True Self while collecting random junk along the way. Prizes for the winning team included!

13:47—Random Hall—Awesome Anime Music Videos: AMVs, much like the internet, are 95% dross and 5% awesome. We’ve got that 5% triple distilled into its purest form. Come enjoy.

14:00

14:00—Burton Conner—Sports and Summer Fun -- You’re never too old for pick-me-up sports and a slip-n-slide on a hot summer day! [burton-side bbq pits]

14:00—Senior Haus—LEARN TO TIRE SWING @ Senior Haus Courtyard. Our experts will show you how it’s done. Don’t worry, no one dies.

14:17—Random Hall—Cookies and Smut: Listen to the finest Viking romance novels and eat delicious warm chocolate chip cookies. Feel the horriblehorriblehorrible sensation of rivulets of chocolate dripping down your throat and learn about Odin’s magnificent sword!

14:47—Random Hall—How to Conquer the World and Rule it Thereafter: Q.E.D.

15:00

15:00—Baker House— Tours of Baker: Another chance to check out Baker House before REX is over. Tour groups leave every 30 minutes on the hour and half hour. There will be snacks in the lobby, so drop by, grab a bite to eat, and chat with some upperclassmen about life at MIT.(Baker House Lobby)

15:17—Random Hall—Wikiraces: Quick! How many moves does it take to get from Vampire Watermelons to Godwin’s Law?

15:47—Random Hall—Pretentious Music Wanking: Side effects may include life-changing spiritual experiences. Bach action figure included.

15:59—EAsT camPUS—HURRY UP AND ENTER THE HOUSING LOTTERY ALREADY SO WE DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU WHINE LATER

16:00

16:00—La Casa—Carne Asada cookout. Come enjoy a mexican style bbq with tortillas, rice and beans.

16:17—Random Hall—Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream: Don’t try this at Harvard.

17:00

17:00—New House—Rock Band! (5-7 PM): One of the first things you’ll learn here at MIT is that “Rock Band + Free Food = Awesome”. Come enjoy the awesome at New House 5, and play ‘til your fingers bleed!

18:00

18:30—Dormitory Council—Housing Lottery Closes - Make sure you fill out your form before the lottery closes!

20:00

20:00—New House—New House 5 Poker Night (8-10 PM): Join us in the New House 5 lounge for a friendly game of Texas Hold ‘Em. No money necessary! Chips (of both the poker and nacho variety) and salsa will be provided.

21:00

21:00—New House—Breakfast, College-Style (9-10 AM): Come to New House 5 to enjoy our wide selection of cold cereals. Fill up a bowl with your childhood favorite, create a bold new blend of fruity and chocolaty, or just hang out in our lounge and argue over which mascot is the best.

22:00

22:00—New House—Desmond Movie Night 5/5 (10 PM): Our REX movie series concludes with “Goodfellas”. Come watch it with us in the New House 5 lounge!

22:30—Baker House—Ice Cream Party: Just getting out of the event at the Student Center and going back to your dorm? Grab some ice cream at Baker House before you head back.( Baker House Dining Hall)

Wednesday,
September 2, 2009

09:00

09:00—Baker House—Grab breakfast at Baker House before you head out into the final day of REX. (Baker House Dining Hall)

09:30—Burton Conner—Breakfast -- Low blood sugar? Come to BC and we’ll fix it. [tv lounge]

13:00

13:00—New House—House of Cards contest (1-2 PM): Put your engineering skills to the test! You have one hour and one deck of cards to out-build your peers. We promise it will be even more fun than a Course 2 p-set! Meet in the lounge in New House 5.

14:00

14:00—New House—Build a Playing-Card Launcher (2 PM - ?): Have you ever wanted to be a card-throwing ninja? Do you dream of becoming a top-class engineer? Then come design your own playing-card launcher in the New House 5 lounge!

14:00—McCormick Hall—Tie Dye Fun. Let loose the Hippie within and have some psychedelic fun with tie dye.

18:00

18:30—Dormitory Council—Results of the Adjustment Lottery Available - Check web.mit.edu/housing/lottery to find out your housing assignment. ALL moves into permanent assignments will take place on Thursday, September 3rd.

Thursday,
September 3, 2009

09:00

09:00—Dormitory Council—Residence Hall Assignment Check Out and Check In - If you’re moving out of your dorm you MUST check out of your old room and into your new room. Vans and transportation will be provided to help you move. More information will be available to you via email the night before.

17:00

17:30—Dormitory Council—House Meeting and Dorm Welcome - If you moved dorms in the lottery, it’s time to get settled. Meet your Housemasters, GRTs and fellow residents. Be prepared for an entertaining evening. The MIT experience is largely about who you live with!