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Despite my limited experience with Dunkin’ Donuts, one thing has become apparent throughout the course of this semester: the employees staffing the MIT Dunkin’ Donuts located in the MIT Stratton Student Center simply cannot perform the basic functions their jobs require.

Case in point:

On Nov. 14, I order a large coffee, black with three Splendas.

The employee at the cash register yells out my order to the two other employees standing five feet away from her directly to the left.

Approximately 1.5 minutes passes with no sign of my coffee order. The instructions are repeated (with yelling) by cash register employee.

Approximately 30 seconds later my coffee is produced.

However, the following problems exist: a) I receive an extra large coffee; b) it contains no Splenda.

Moments before the coffee is passed to me, the cash register employee realizes the discrepancies and again yells at the other employee.

The coffee is then given to me, after far too long a wait.

Although I did receive an extra large coffee for the price of a large, this is not necessarily a positive outcome: a) an extra large coffee is precarious to hold making my walk back to Edgerton that much more dangerous; b) the crucial Splenda/coffee ratio has been reduced (given the extra coffee) thus reducing my enjoyment exponentially

My solution:

Bipedal animatrons to replace the Dunkin’ Donuts employees.

Capable of computing complex tasks, storing multiple orders, and potentially doing your quantum mechanics pset, these robots provide the best solution.

I believe MIT is the perfect location to debut this new technology which will eventually replace all Dunkin’ Donuts employees and then the rest of the fast food industry.

This is the world I want to live in.

—Agustin Mohedas G